Wedding invitation dilemma

This isn't a dilemma. If she wants to go she goes, if she doesn't she doesn't. The backstory is irrelevant. Is she usually incapable of making entirely every day decisions?

I wouldn't bother my arse. Weddings are expensive.

Weddings are very expensive. I guess she wouldn't invite your daughter if she didn't think fondly of her. Yes it's bad they did not turn up to her engagement party and their meet ups. But they have obviously drifted apart in those 10 years your daughters been away. So what she wasnt invited to the hen?

If your daughter isn't interested in pursuing the friendship anymore then just politely decline, if she would like to go and would have a good time catching up with old friends then go?

Is it a wedding and evening do or just the evening? If the latter, friend just wants a gift. Bit odd that the friend didn’t invite your dd to hen party. Did friend ever say why she didn’t show up for the engagement? Sounds like they have drifted. Dd could say she is on holiday to avoid hard feelings?

Sounds quite childish to be honest. Decline a wedding invite because someone didn’t turn up to her party? This is the kind of thing teenagers do.
I wouldn’t expect to be invited on a hen do of every friend I have, especially not ones I’ve not been that close to for over 10 years. Your daughter obviously thinks there is more to the friendship than the fried does. If your daughter doesn’t want to go because she feels somehow wronged, she can decline. But I don’t feel the friend has done anything wrong, apart from the no showing of course.

Not sure why you need to be giving this headspace to be honest. But seeing as you asked, I’d not go - when did your DD actually spend any meaningful time with this friend?

I'm not sure what the dilemma is. Surely your daughter is an adult and can decide if she wants to go or not.

I think your DD would be being petty to decline. But it's clear that her friend doesn't see the friendship in the same way any more. It's often the case when people leave their home towns.

As for the friend simply wanting the wedding presents - your DD doesn't need to give an expensive gift. A Bottle of champagne & a couple of nice glasses to go with it would be fine.

Her friend obviously still thinks they're close enough to invite her to the wedding, it would be a shame for your DD not to go just because she's playing tit for tat.

Just go. Or don't go. It's not that deep.

I don’t get it… Why you’re involved and why DD is facing any kind of dilemma… The bride an old friend but not a close friend thus making the cut for the wedding list but not the hen. Yes it’s bit shit she no showed to the engagement party but your DD can go to the wedding if she wants or decline if she doesn’t. If it were me I’d decide based on whether she thinks she’d enjoy the day (other friends going?) and the outlay to attend in terms of money and time (local or miles away).

It's late notice to receive an invite now for a wedding this summer. As she wasn't invited to the hen do and only now receiving the invite I'd assume the bride has had some invites turned down or guests pulling out and is onto her b-list of guests.

It sounds like their friendship has run it's course and they've grown apart, if it were me I wouldn't go but if your daughter is keen to keep trying at the friendship then that's up to her.

Also, DD can choose to invite friend to her wedding, or not, regardless of this invitation/attendance.

If she doesn’t want to go then she declines I can’t see how that can be unreasonable , it’s an invitation not a summons .

If she wants to go to the wedding, possibly see other friends from school, then accept. If she doesn't want to go then decline. I doubt the friend is going to be ecstatic or devastated by her decision. What is the dilemma?

If she's happy for the friendship to dwindle and end, then she can just decline the invite.
If she wants to go to celebrate with her friend and then just stop making an effort, she can.
If she wants to keep the friendship or fight for it, she should go.

Does she want to go? And can she easily afford to if she does want to?

It really is that simple.

I don’t think this is much of a dilemma.

Does she want to go? If she thinks she’ll enjoy the day, catching up with other friends, nice meal, some drinks, then she can go, even if the friendship wasn’t what it used to be.

Does she not want to go? Then she declines. And doesn’t need to worry about hurting the brides feelings as the bride surely will see they aren’t as close. She can just say she’s on holiday or something that weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️

Im wondering from the vibe of your post, that deep down she would like to go but is considering declining just to cut her nose off to spite her face. Or she does want to go but you as her over involved mother are encouraging her not too.

Yeah, I wouldn’t go.

I wouldn’t decline just because I wasn’t invited to the hen do, that is called cutting off your nose to spite your own face.

Sounds like the friendship has long since run its course and your DD might only have been invited out of obligation. If she doesn’t want to go and isn’t fussed about the friendship she should decline. It doesn’t sound that the ‘friend’ is that invested. People grow apart, it’s perfectly normal.

What fucking weird responses. It is quite clear that this so called friend does not see OPs daughter as a friend. I wouldn’t go to the wedding either OP and I would advise your daughter to get rid of this “friend”.

Is it that you/your daughter would rather not invite them to her wedding as it's a lot of money to waste if they don't turn up? I can see why you'd be reluctant, given their track record.
It's possibly better to decline the invite and accept that the friendship has run its course.

If she doesn’t want to go fair enough.

if it’s because she didn’t get an invite to the hen etc then it’s tedious drama

Is this a drip feed? If she wants to go, she accepts. If not, she declines.

This ^^