Is it cheeky to ask to be paid over the holidays?

You're right OP, listen to ChatGPT and ignore all the idiots on here who haven't got a clue. What could possibly go wrong?

Aren't you capable of taking on the clear perspectives from humans on here and drawing a conclusion without Chat gpt? It's a bit worrying how you don't get it. Maybe the DD can get tutored by Chat gpt if it's so wise.

As you've pointed out to him, you'll struggle to fill his slot over summer. I very much doubt you'll have someone snap you up for so much tutoring over summer and beyond that you'll be completely unavailable for his DD in September. If you do get such a client, great. You'll be sorted for money and he can find another tutor from the myriad sites. You're making this way too complicated simply because you want his money for nothing. Tutoring just doesn't work that way,

The best answer.

Chat GPT isn’t paying your fees though.

Oh yes, as someone with my own business, I would HIGHLY recommend relying on Chatgpt for your business. (Can't do any worse than you're already doing, I suppose 😂)

OP this is pretty frustrating because there is something you’re not getting and I don’t know how else we can explain it.

it is not any clients job to make your income stream easier. It’s entirely irrelevant whether it’s difficult for you to find work over the summer. That’s your problem, nothing to do with them. He clearly felt that the situation last summer was the default and acceptable to all parties and now you’re saying you want to “avoid that”….by having him pay you over the summer.

plenty more experienced people than me have given advice but I really think you need to stop thinking that clients owe you anything other than payment for work done and adherence to T&C laid out in a contract.

I said I wanted to avoid that this year and that it’s just difficult to take a pause for 3.5 months as it’s hard to offer short term tutoring to a family during this time to then have to give it up in September

That is entirely your problem, sorry. It's like a Santa complaining that they can't work the rest of the year and need a retainer till Christmas. Most tutors are term time and the kids get a break over summer. Tutors do other gigs in that time. It's not a career/full-time set up. It's a job that fits around other jobs. Get a summer gig looking after kids while parents work, that'd be a boon to many families. You can't expect a tutoring client to cover your employment over the summer hols.

We work in a service industry. We are the staff. They are the employers. There is a power imbalance. They have the power.

The only way to gain your power back is by having a range of clients, so that you don't NEED any one client.

Recently, I blocked a client that was engaged in messing me around. They assumed that as the employer, they were in control. No. I messaged them twice, the second time, explaining I was ending my employment with them. When I got no response, I blocked them. I know they were annoyed, because we have a mutual acquaintance who they spoke to about it. But honestly, I have a waiting list. If they want me to work with their children, they treat me with respect or I don't work for them.

@Gummy7 As a professional, it's up to you to have proper terms and conditions in place, that the family is aware of from the very beginning, so that clients don't think that they can treat you however suits them. Your failure to set out terms and conditions initially with this family led to them treating you in the way you've described above.

Very much this! The fact that you're still dithering about this ONE client, and seemingly not taking on board the pages and pages of really useful advice, suggests that you're more suited to being a full time employee than having your own business.

I don’t think you’ll hear from the family again. Why would you? You think you’ve had a good relationship with you but you’ve let them walk all over you (I am presuming you never charged them for the 10am lessons when no one was awake).
Going forward, follow the advice from the professional tutors who have posted and operate as a business with clear terms and conditions which you stick to.

I'd bet he's ringing round other tutors looking for a place for September. If he can't find one he'll ring you back and pay the retainer.

Please tell me that you were paid for those times you showed up and no-one answered the door. If you weren't that sort of things needs to go into your terms and conditions.

Before you take on anyone new you need to work out all of these things, write a proper contract and only then should you start looking for new students.

Don't bother. Take some of the great advice you've had on here. These tutors know their stuff and have given you solid advice on a business model.

It sounds like it's only been a day since you messaged OP. On top of what everyone else says about the expectations from a professional who is providing a service, you need to leave him adequate time to reply (or not). If his 'hm, let me have a think and get back to you' message was this morning, you have to accept that any normal person may need to spend a day at work, or wait for their partner to spend a day at work, and then have a conversation about it together before they respond. Expecting a response within the same working day is overly demanding in my opinion. If you haven't heard by middle of next week, then perhaps I'd get back to them and say as you haven't heard, you'll open up your slots for others.

You sound so mixed about how you feel about this work - you like the child and the money, but everything else seems to be a pain. So if you're mostly in it for the money, find other clients.

I'm baffled that a professional has been operating like this without a contract and terms & conditions for so long. Of course things are going to go wrong!

I wouldn't pay a retainer to keep my slot in these circumstances. It's not like childminding where there's v limited slots. If you take someone else on for Monday evenings, they'll presumably be fine to do it on Thursday evenings. And if every single slot you have is full, they'll find someone else. But fundamentally, it's not the kind of business where you will fill their slot, any more than my hairdresser will fill my slot if I don't pay retainers. She just fits me in next time it's convenient for us both. I pay tutors for both my DC and I'm also freelance myself and get paid for the work I do with no safety net of retainers or any benefits of a regular wage. The DC's tutors are flexible and we're flexible when they need to change arrangements too. It's not complicated and the only issue is that you've relied too much on this one client and forgotten that it's an arrangement that can change at any time. I'd be surprised if he pays you for months when you're not working for them. You'd have to be indispensable for that to make sense.

Honestly I think you need to decide whether tutoring is right for you, or you'd be better off with full time teaching position.

You've got to remember that with self employment the risks are yours as well as the gain. Working for 2 days a week for someone without a contract for 3 years is beyond nuts (and if I'm honest, not very professional).

You set the terms, and then it's up to others if they accept that. For what it's worth, I wouldn't pay a tutor for work he or she isn't doing. But this isn't your standard 1 hour a week tutoring arrangement, if it's 2 whole days a week.

If the good money is worth the uncertainty, then that's fine, but you should be using some of that good money to save for the summer months.

You've been given loads of ideas to diversify your tutoring (which you've ignored), you've been asked innumerable times whether you have a contract (only now do you admit you don't), you rely heavily on a single unreliable client, which is a terrible idea, and you seem to think that the clients owe you to keep you afloat over the summer, that they are the ones that owe into be you to be protect. It's nice if they do, but leaving yourself with no contract leaves you very vulnerable. Not realising any of this was an issue is why I'm wondering whether full time teaching would be a safer bet for you.

To be fair if after 3 yrs working together, and you being familiar with the pattern- ie the family leaving for months for holidays- and springing a last minute retainer request when it’s never come up before, I’d see it as a complete piss take and let you go. Speaking from my own experience.

You’re right though, it’s probably time to move on, it’s just the lack of reply, if he were to say no, that would be fine, at least i’d know

Take his lack of reply as no and look for new clients.

As @Digdongdoo has said, you're the professional, not the family you're working for. As a professional, it's up to you to have proper terms and conditions in place, that the family is aware of from the very beginning, so that clients don't think that they can treat you however suits them. Your failure to set out terms and conditions initially with this family led to them treating you in the way you've described above.

If you're planning to contact new people after the weekend, then spend the next few days drawing up your terms and conditions to present to new clients. So that everyone is clear how the relationship will work from the beginning.

Ensure you ask for payment in advance to avoid being left out of pocket. Make it clear what date you expect payment by. E.g., if you want clients to pay a month in advance then ask for payment by the end of, say March for example, to cover April's tutoring sessions. Or perhaps you want clients to pay by term. As it's your business you can set the rules. If they want to quit tutoring how much notice is required? What is the cancellation policy if they need to cancel a session? What happens if you need to cancel? What hours are you both agreeing to, rate of pay, etc. Agree what will happen over short holidays such as Easter, Christmas and what the options are for summer holidays. Lots for you to think about. All of this information should be presented to potential clients.

Make sure you work out what you need to earn so that you can save for quiet times, such as summer holidays.

Despite what you may think, lots of posters are trying to help you, so ask if you need help drawing up terms and conditions. Or give an example of your draft contract and posters can point out any weaknesses so that you can avoid being in this uncertain position again.

He has said no though, by not replying.

Take this as a lesson and move on. You were unprofessional here, essentially demanding money last minute for the summer or threatening with losing the place. That’s going to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth.

They aren't the professional, you are, and they obviously feel like the precedent is for adhoc. As the professional, it was your responsibility to change the precedent if you weren't happy with it after last year.
If you're so unhappy with them as clients, just drop them and find someone else. I'm not sure why you've stuck with them so long if they're so unreliable and have twice now apparently dropped you with no warning. Not sure why you're so keen for a retainer from people like that. You should be glad to be rid. If you can replace them so easily just do so, with a proper contract.