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Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
KitWyn · 27/05/2025 15:21

Salad with warm food is definitely a thing here!

Pizza Express offers a "Leggera" pizza, with a hole in the middle of the pizza replaced by a dressed salad. Lower calories and increased vegetables!

justasking111 · 27/05/2025 15:19

TinyTempest · 27/05/2025 15:12

“Yup if he's Italian or similar, this would be pretty offensive, sorry”

It’s only ‘offensive’ if he’s too stupid to remember he’s not actually in his own country.

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He's in his own home his choice.

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 15:18

justasking111 · 27/05/2025 15:11

Don't be daft it's a cultural difference. It slows down eating considerably so you eat less but feel full. It's probably healthier than scarfing down a huge plate of carbs. In a short space of time.

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Is jeans wearing a cultural issue too?

Wheech · 27/05/2025 15:14

Electricbananaboat · 27/05/2025 13:14

I like when the salad gets slightly warm from the lasagne. I don't know why. You're definitely not unreasonable, anyway.

In theory that's disgusting. Of course in reality it's inexplicably good, and the best way to eat salad with lasagne, or any stodgy pasta dish.

TinyTempest · 27/05/2025 15:12

Un4732 · 27/05/2025 13:51

Yup if he's Italian or similar, this would be pretty offensive, sorry. A lasagne is a complete meal - salad comes after! A deeply established cultural thing but really common to put salad (or chips or garlic bread!) with it here. I wouldn't allow this in my house either 😂

It would be like putting custard on a roast dinner.

On the other stuff it is madness - med folk have been brought up with such hard rules like not going out with wet hair, sitting on concrete, drinking things with ice in etc (like imminent DEATH will occur) that it's natural it would still be with us in adulthood.

My British partner rolls his eyes and cracks on regardless! You should too.

“Yup if he's Italian or similar, this would be pretty offensive, sorry”

It’s only ‘offensive’ if he’s too stupid to remember he’s not actually in his own country.

justasking111 · 27/05/2025 15:11

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 14:50

It sounds like he’s a controlling, abusive dickhead to be honest.

Criticising your eating. Criticising your clothes. What else does he criticise and try to control?

Run like the wind. It doesn’t get better.

Don't be daft it's a cultural difference. It slows down eating considerably so you eat less but feel full. It's probably healthier than scarfing down a huge plate of carbs. In a short space of time.

BusyExpert · 27/05/2025 15:09

a warm salad is a fashionable culinary choice. Tell him in your most cultivated tone that his view is so passee.
then tell him to sod off

I like salad on the same plate as warm food...

IberianBlackout · 27/05/2025 15:06

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:33

Ok thank you. He’s Spanish but perhaps similar

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And he wants you both picking away at the same bowl multiple times?? He deserves la chancla for that!

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 15:04

thatsalad · 27/05/2025 14:59

Why on earth do you only eat once a day? Eating disorder? Is he pressuring you to only eat once a day?

No it’s definitely not that deep it’s his working hours, and I conform when I go to his that’s all it is

OP posts:
IberianBlackout · 27/05/2025 15:03

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

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So he wanted you both to keep eating from the same bowl? That’s so much worse to me 😭

FWIW, we always ate salad from a small plate next to our dining plate precisely not to mix hot and cold. I don’t think this is necessarily cultural though, I’ve seen it done both ways (yours and mine). Never seen everyone go at the same salad bowl though. No, thanks.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 15:03

User867463 · 27/05/2025 15:00

Why does your partner do all the cooking? It doesn't seem like a normal relationship balance for one partner to do 100% of the cooking which is usually a fun and communal activity that can easily be split up. Eg He makes the lasagna, you make the salad. Or are there any nights where you also do the cooking for him?

If he insists on doing the cooking himself then he sounds like a controlling dickhead who thinks your skills aren't good enough. Or he doesn't like the taste of your food. Huge red flags obviously.

We don’t live together I live at my own house with my daughter. I stay there 3/4 nights depending what my daughter is doing. Maybe if we lived together full time we might share the cooking, but it’s something he enjoys doing

OP posts:
User867463 · 27/05/2025 15:00

Why does your partner do all the cooking? It doesn't seem like a normal relationship balance for one partner to do 100% of the cooking which is usually a fun and communal activity that can easily be split up. Eg He makes the lasagna, you make the salad. Or are there any nights where you also do the cooking for him?

If he insists on doing the cooking himself then he sounds like a controlling dickhead who thinks your skills aren't good enough. Or he doesn't like the taste of your food. Huge red flags obviously.

diddl · 27/05/2025 15:00

I would have used a side plate for the salad but I don't care what anyone else does!

If we have a fry up with baked beans my son puts the beans on a separate plate!

thatsalad · 27/05/2025 14:59

Why on earth do you only eat once a day? Eating disorder? Is he pressuring you to only eat once a day?

FairKoala · 27/05/2025 14:59

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:16

Communal

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What would happen if you took the communal bowl and ate from it not giving it back

He sounds very strange. Does he call out his customers if they don’t conform to his eating habits

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:58

PorgyandBess · 27/05/2025 14:54

Maybe he has sensory issues and hot and cold on same plate is anathema to him?

No he doesn’t have sensory issues

OP posts:
Canonlythinkofthisone · 27/05/2025 14:57

Haha. I always make a big bowl of salad. I take what I want and put it on my plate, then DH has his straight out the bowl,. I dont think its ever occurred to either of us that the other is weird. Its just what we do. YANBU to feel told off and you're right. You can eat what you want on whatever plate you want. He's weird for making a thing out of it.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:57

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/05/2025 14:52

'we had the day off together as it was bank holiday.'

so did you stay in together all day ?

does he not buy in breakfast and lunch stuff for you
do you take buy in breakfast / lunch stuff for you

did you not go out at all ?
you could have had lunch out if you had, or you could have bought something for lunch

Yes we stayed in as I was helping him paint the kitchen, and then his youngest daughter was coming over later on. I think a lot of Spanish eat late at night tbh. I’ve been to his family home and the norm seems to eat very late in the evening, as siesta is over lunch and the afternoon, it’s not uncommon to see Spanish families out very very late, so probably sleep in too 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
notacooldad · 27/05/2025 14:57

Tough. She posted is it unreasonable. Yes, eating once a day is unreasonable.
That's answering a question that wasn't asked!
By the way it's not unreasonable to eat once a day if you want to.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/05/2025 14:57

HelloCheekyCat · 27/05/2025 13:25

Unless the salad was put on the table as a starter and then the lasagne brought out later eating them together is perfectly normal
I think mixing Greek and Italian food is weird so there!
I'm not as bothered by the multiple dipping, presumably you have shared saliva before (DH and I have shared food like this before) but the way he spoke to you was definitely out of order

Only if you think that Greeks don't have pasta dishes like Pastitio where the only difference is using bucatini instead of lasagne sheets.

One of the best things is hot bechamel/cheese sauce as a dressing for cold salad.

PorgyandBess · 27/05/2025 14:54

Maybe he has sensory issues and hot and cold on same plate is anathema to him?

samarrange · 27/05/2025 14:52

Clockpic · 27/05/2025 14:49

I think OP meant they only eat one meal a day together.

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Maybe, but the way I read OP's second paragraph is:

  • They don't live together
  • BF does all the cooking
  • Both of them only eat once a day, late at night
But then that makes me wonder what happens on the days when they don't see each other. So it's all a bit confusing.
Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 14:52

Drowningincokezero · 27/05/2025 14:50

Just a thought, but table manners and familial mealtime rules are the sort of things that are drummed into us as children. Might it be that he berated you in the way his parents might have done for a mealtime faux-pas? Does he see the way he spoke to you as problematic in this instance - would have been as offended if it had been his mother talking to him or would he have accepted it as a correction? It's the use of the word disgusting that stands out to me as being used out of habit rather than an observation of something that (in my mind) could never be disgusting. It's not as if you had mushed it all together and had made a mess.
I know it doesn't make it right but I'd be inclined to dig further just to rule it out.

I would bet my house that if a male colleague or friend had done the same he’d have been able to restrain himself from commenting.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/05/2025 14:52

'we had the day off together as it was bank holiday.'

so did you stay in together all day ?

does he not buy in breakfast and lunch stuff for you
do you take buy in breakfast / lunch stuff for you

did you not go out at all ?
you could have had lunch out if you had, or you could have bought something for lunch

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 14:51

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:48

I wish I was 19 and yes I guess it does sound childish

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It doesn’t sound childish. It sounds abusive.