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AIBU?

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Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
Marosanne · 29/05/2025 07:43

We often have salad with hot food on the same plate, particularly dishes like lasagne or moussaka or steak, and I think you'll find that just about all pubs and restaurants also offer this as an option. There's nothing odd or unusual about it!

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 28/05/2025 21:45

FABAND · 28/05/2025 20:12

I think you are just different. It's ok for him to comment and for you not to give a flying f#ck.

Seriously, if that's all you have to fall out over, then you can just move on. If he's offended, put two small bowls out for salad and he can prep into two seperate bowls.

Tommorrow.is another day. Move on.

I think I have moved on tbh but I was curious to folks opinion and this post has stoked a lot of interest regardless

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 28/05/2025 21:44

HevenlyMeS · 28/05/2025 20:43

God Bless You Fernandez You're Most Surely Not Being Unreasonable Whatsoever
How Gruesomely Grumpy & Controlling He Is & Why Did he feel the need to comment, let alone criticise However you choose to consume your dishes
God Bless You 😢

Thank you it did feel like an over reaction

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 28/05/2025 21:43

GrumpyCowMummy · 28/05/2025 21:39

That's exactly how we always used to have lasagna. With a nice big salad and it was one of my favourite meals! Still is, but I'm usually too lazy to cook a fresh lasagne. So no, you're not wrong for taking yours out of a community bowl before other people add their germs. And no, hot and cold food together is perfectly acceptable!! NTA

Yes that’s what I think and how we were brought up to be fair. He was totally grossed out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 28/05/2025 21:41

HevenlyMeS · 28/05/2025 21:06

The lovely original commenter was wondering if she's being unreasonable for being upset by this male's controlling unnecessary criticism
Some folk choose to do intermittent fasting where sometimes they do choose to just consume their nourishments once per day
This is her choice, not for someone to judge as being unreasonable, just pure & simple a personal choice

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
GrumpyCowMummy · 28/05/2025 21:39

That's exactly how we always used to have lasagna. With a nice big salad and it was one of my favourite meals! Still is, but I'm usually too lazy to cook a fresh lasagne. So no, you're not wrong for taking yours out of a community bowl before other people add their germs. And no, hot and cold food together is perfectly acceptable!! NTA

Tangerinenets · 28/05/2025 21:36

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Not relevant at all!

ilovepixie · 28/05/2025 21:33

Eating from the serving dish is weird! His germs and saliva all over the food. And he criticized you in your own home! I wouldn’t put up with that behaviour!

ilovepixie · 28/05/2025 21:30

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:17

It's fine to eat salad in its own bowl. Putting it on a plate with the entree is a bit odd.

Oh no, he eats it out of the big bowl instead of of serving it individually?

Ewwww.

Edited

Eating salad on a plate with the main meal isn’t odd! It’s done in restaurants all over the world!
I see you have called the main meal entree. You must be American. That explains it! 😂😂

HevenlyMeS · 28/05/2025 21:06

The lovely original commenter was wondering if she's being unreasonable for being upset by this male's controlling unnecessary criticism
Some folk choose to do intermittent fasting where sometimes they do choose to just consume their nourishments once per day
This is her choice, not for someone to judge as being unreasonable, just pure & simple a personal choice

HevenlyMeS · 28/05/2025 20:45

Completely Concur With You, Most Surely Controlling attitude 💯

HevenlyMeS · 28/05/2025 20:43

God Bless You Fernandez You're Most Surely Not Being Unreasonable Whatsoever
How Gruesomely Grumpy & Controlling He Is & Why Did he feel the need to comment, let alone criticise However you choose to consume your dishes
God Bless You 😢

honeylulu · 28/05/2025 20:29

Whatever you do don't tell him that the hot lasagne and cold salad end up in the same stomach all mixed together. He might shit himself in horror!

I have to say I have learned something on this thread about Europeans eating salad before or after a main meal, rather than as a side dish UK style. Maybe i should try it but I'm not convinced. If I'm hungry enough for a meal, salad first would be really unsatisfying and after lasagne I don't think i would have room for a bowl of salad and just wouldn't fancy it!

We have salad with our main. My husband likes his in a separate side bowl as he says the warmth and sauce of the main takes too much crunch out of the salad. I like mine together on the plate, a lovely mix of temperatures and textures. I thought that was personal preference but seems I'm culturally appalling. We never criticise each other's preferences though.

I don't know if this is similar but my friend brought her new boyfriend to ours for a meal once. He was perfectly nice but once his dinner was placed before him he politely asked for salt and pepper, then liberally applied both. I had to bite my tongue fast so I didn't say "why don't you taste it first before deciding if it needs more seasoning?" Maybe it's an ingrained reaction like that.

Though HIBVU to eat directly from a communal salad bowl. Yuck! Tell him he needs some side plates pronto!

ZanyMember · 28/05/2025 20:26

No one should tell you how to eat your food! That's controlling behaviour, warning bells 🔔!!!

FABAND · 28/05/2025 20:12

I think you are just different. It's ok for him to comment and for you not to give a flying f#ck.

Seriously, if that's all you have to fall out over, then you can just move on. If he's offended, put two small bowls out for salad and he can prep into two seperate bowls.

Tommorrow.is another day. Move on.

Ilikeadrink14 · 28/05/2025 19:38

Lifelover16 · 27/05/2025 14:40

I can’t see what’s wrong with sharing a communal bowl of salad. You’d share a packet of crisps, or a pizza from a communal plate. What’s the difference?

The difference is that you don’t put your saliva into a packet of crisps or a pizza because your fork doesn’t touch the food, your fingers do.

LillyPJ · 28/05/2025 17:45

JustMyView13 · 27/05/2025 14:03

Even with a partner?
So like, you’ll have sex with someone, kiss someone - but you draw the line at sharing food?

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I know it's illogical but I draw the line at drinking from the same bottle (especially water). My DC used to talk about backwash and I can't help imagining bits of detritus floating about in the liquid. Eurgh!

Witchtower · 28/05/2025 13:39

I find it strange when people make salad with a lasagna.

I wouldn’t judge them for it though.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 28/05/2025 11:43

@Fernandez54 Please serve him a bowl of caesar salad! see what he thinks!

Navyblueberries · 28/05/2025 10:59

Personally I'd eat Greek salad in it's own bowl, but a more leafy salad with a vinegarette type dressing on the same plate with pasta.

Either way he shouldn't have told you off for something so trivial and that's not a good sign.

PhilomenaPunk · 28/05/2025 10:55

This is not about culture but about control. He is making comments about how you eat, how you react to his criticism and how you dress. What’s next?

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 28/05/2025 10:48

JustMyView13 · 27/05/2025 14:03

Even with a partner?
So like, you’ll have sex with someone, kiss someone - but you draw the line at sharing food?

Show quote history

Yeah. I don't share food or drinks with anyone, even my husband of 11 years. I don't love kissing either tbf 😂

NancyGreens · 28/05/2025 10:25

Fernandez54 · 28/05/2025 07:49

I’m not been abused don’t worry. We don’t live together this eating routine is just at his when I’m there. I do have a job and friends. I was asking opinions on his reaction but appreciate your concern 😊

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He's at least an appalling host. Which he shouldn't be if he's good at his job!

BunnyLake · 28/05/2025 09:17

Fernandez54 · 28/05/2025 07:49

I’m not been abused don’t worry. We don’t live together this eating routine is just at his when I’m there. I do have a job and friends. I was asking opinions on his reaction but appreciate your concern 😊

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Are you saying you don’t get the opportunity or offer to eat during the day when you’re at his?

It would be in my nature to deliberately pile the salad on my plate with the lasagne just to send a message.

BunnyLake · 28/05/2025 09:15

askmenow · 27/05/2025 19:10

Well each to their own! But I like a crispy salad on the plate next to my heavily calorific lasagne and, sacrilege....I might even have coleslaw and a fresh tomato & onion salad on the SAME plate.

Why on earth would you fill up with salad first?

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I love coleslaw and pizza together. I don’t eat pizza that often but when I do I kick myself if I haven’t got coleslaw to put on it.