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AIBU?

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Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 29/05/2025 17:29

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:35

He has criticised me on other stuff like when I wore jeans on a really hot day a few weekends ago, it seemed to really bother him

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Lol im guessing he's hot!!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/05/2025 17:26

Depending on what type of hospitality he works in, he could have meals on site - poss even free. So maybe he doesn't actually only eats once day ?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 17:19

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 16:59

So, if that’s all that would happen, what’s stopping you?

His dietary habits are his business, and don’t need to sync with yours. What’s stopping you from stocking up and eating normally (for you) when you’re at his?

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Nothing stopping me only that I’m not there that much with him through the day, it’s mainly just Sundays when we have the full day together, as that’s his day off

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 16:59

Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 16:51

Yes it is something to think about, I think he would comment “you hungry”? Or seem surprised. He is not a big eater because of his working hours, his body clock is completely different to mine, he gets home very late from work (11.30pm on busy nights) then needs wind down time, so will stay up often into the early hours. I’m up at 6.30am for work…home from work at 4pm so our eating and sleeping styles are not in sync at all. Plus he drinks and smokes like a lot of hospitality workers another appetite killer.

Edited
Show quote history

So, if that’s all that would happen, what’s stopping you?

His dietary habits are his business, and don’t need to sync with yours. What’s stopping you from stocking up and eating normally (for you) when you’re at his?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 16:51

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 16:42

It’s something to think about, perhaps?

If you were to start doing those things now, how do you think he’d react?

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Yes it is something to think about, I think he would comment “you hungry”? Or seem surprised. He is not a big eater because of his working hours, his body clock is completely different to mine, he gets home very late from work (11.30pm on busy nights) then needs wind down time, so will stay up often into the early hours. I’m up at 6.30am for work…home from work at 4pm so our eating and sleeping styles are not in sync at all. Plus he drinks and smokes like a lot of hospitality workers another appetite killer.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 16:42

Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 16:17

It’s a good question and the honest answer is I don’t know why

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It’s something to think about, perhaps?

If you were to start doing those things now, how do you think he’d react?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 16:17

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 15:18

How and why, though? The very first time this came up, why did you not just go ‘I’m making myself a sandwich’ or ‘I’m popping out for a salad’? The next few times why didn’t you go ‘I like to eat during the day, shall I do a food shop before I come over’? And so on and so forth.

That’s what lots of us aren’t getting. Why have you gone against your own inclinations (as you eat during the day at home) to such an extent? For what reason?

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It’s a good question and the honest answer is I don’t know why

OP posts:
diddl · 29/05/2025 16:05

A good partner would say "sorry i offended you it's just something very odd to me and took me by surprise,

Well yes.

Seems odd that he's never seen or heard of it though.

The eating from the communal bowl is perhaps OK if Op had already taken all the salad she wanted.

Kerry2209 · 29/05/2025 15:49

What stands out to me is not what he said about the mix of hot and cold food, perhaps it is considered disgusting where he is from. I would not accept him minimising your feelings when he upset you. A good partner would say "sorry i offended you it's just something very odd to me and took me by surprise, I didn't mean to upset you". Etc. What he said completely dismissed your feelings and thatvis not something i would not want from a partner.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/05/2025 15:18

Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 14:24

No I don’t starve myself and I’m not scared I think I have just adapted when I’m there

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How and why, though? The very first time this came up, why did you not just go ‘I’m making myself a sandwich’ or ‘I’m popping out for a salad’? The next few times why didn’t you go ‘I like to eat during the day, shall I do a food shop before I come over’? And so on and so forth.

That’s what lots of us aren’t getting. Why have you gone against your own inclinations (as you eat during the day at home) to such an extent? For what reason?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 15:16

BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 15:15

I like hot and cold food together, I really don’t see what the fuss is about. No one balks at apple pie and cream do they or sticky toffee pudding and ice cream. Tell him to give his head a wobble and wind his neck in, these activities alone should give him something else to occupy him😁

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 15:15

I like hot and cold food together, I really don’t see what the fuss is about. No one balks at apple pie and cream do they or sticky toffee pudding and ice cream. Tell him to give his head a wobble and wind his neck in, these activities alone should give him something else to occupy him😁

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 14:50

murasaki · 29/05/2025 14:25

He'd hate me, yesterday I had salad on the same plate as a pasta bake, and today I'll have some on the same plate as a tuna steak fresh from a hot pan.

Because I like it, and why create extra washing up.

🤣🤣good for you

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 14:30

Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 14:23

I’m not sure tbh. Because I stopped him in his tracks and told him I would eat the way I wanted. I think it was the salad and lasagna combo 🤦‍♀️

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Good for you for putting your foot down and not letting him dictate to you your perfectly civilised eating choices.

murasaki · 29/05/2025 14:25

He'd hate me, yesterday I had salad on the same plate as a pasta bake, and today I'll have some on the same plate as a tuna steak fresh from a hot pan.

Because I like it, and why create extra washing up.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 14:24

BuckChuckets · 29/05/2025 08:15

Apart from you quietly starve all day when you're at his house, because you're, what, too scared to tell him you're hungry?

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No I don’t starve myself and I’m not scared I think I have just adapted when I’m there

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 14:23

BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 12:24

Is he just against hot and cold being on the same plate or would he never eat hot and cold together at the same time (a forkful of frittata and salad for example).

I’m not sure tbh. Because I stopped him in his tracks and told him I would eat the way I wanted. I think it was the salad and lasagna combo 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 29/05/2025 14:22

PoisedNewt · 29/05/2025 08:40

I went out with a guy in my 20’s who was from the Med. I think one of his hobbies was telling me off. It grew tiresome very quickly.

Really that is interesting I wonder if it is cultural

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 12:24

Is he just against hot and cold being on the same plate or would he never eat hot and cold together at the same time (a forkful of frittata and salad for example).

LillyPJ · 29/05/2025 11:36

BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 09:42

What I’d like to know is why some people think eating the salad separately is superior to eating it on the same plate, rather than just a different choice. It all ends up in the same place and leaves the same place.

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And it will all be the same temperature by the time it reaches your stomach.

BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 09:45

Marosanne · 29/05/2025 07:43

We often have salad with hot food on the same plate, particularly dishes like lasagne or moussaka or steak, and I think you'll find that just about all pubs and restaurants also offer this as an option. There's nothing odd or unusual about it!

Jacket potatoes are often served with salady bits on the plate, along with coleslaw.

BunnyLake · 29/05/2025 09:42

honeylulu · 28/05/2025 20:29

Whatever you do don't tell him that the hot lasagne and cold salad end up in the same stomach all mixed together. He might shit himself in horror!

I have to say I have learned something on this thread about Europeans eating salad before or after a main meal, rather than as a side dish UK style. Maybe i should try it but I'm not convinced. If I'm hungry enough for a meal, salad first would be really unsatisfying and after lasagne I don't think i would have room for a bowl of salad and just wouldn't fancy it!

We have salad with our main. My husband likes his in a separate side bowl as he says the warmth and sauce of the main takes too much crunch out of the salad. I like mine together on the plate, a lovely mix of temperatures and textures. I thought that was personal preference but seems I'm culturally appalling. We never criticise each other's preferences though.

I don't know if this is similar but my friend brought her new boyfriend to ours for a meal once. He was perfectly nice but once his dinner was placed before him he politely asked for salt and pepper, then liberally applied both. I had to bite my tongue fast so I didn't say "why don't you taste it first before deciding if it needs more seasoning?" Maybe it's an ingrained reaction like that.

Though HIBVU to eat directly from a communal salad bowl. Yuck! Tell him he needs some side plates pronto!

What I’d like to know is why some people think eating the salad separately is superior to eating it on the same plate, rather than just a different choice. It all ends up in the same place and leaves the same place.

PoisedNewt · 29/05/2025 08:40

I went out with a guy in my 20’s who was from the Med. I think one of his hobbies was telling me off. It grew tiresome very quickly.

BuckChuckets · 29/05/2025 08:15

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:28

Well he might be dictating but I don’t change my ways, as I continue to wear what I like and eat how I like, but it did put me off last night

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Apart from you quietly starve all day when you're at his house, because you're, what, too scared to tell him you're hungry?

rb124 · 29/05/2025 08:01

A lot of Greek people have an aversion to hot food, and tend to eat it lukewarm - in their case it's just something that's been passed down the generations and is now so deeply ingrained in their culture it won't be shifted.
As the OPs OH is in catering, it's probably a similar thing - it's not done at work, therefore it's "the law". The reaction, to call you "disgusting" for mixing is totally unacceptable.
YANBU