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Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:47

Peridot1 · 27/05/2025 13:39

It sounds like a culture thing. But he shouldn’t have told you off.

Personally I love a bit of salad with balsamic on my plate with lasagna. It seems to cut through the richness of lasagna for me.

I think this is why I was taken aback I just didn’t understand his reaction. And I said a lot of English do this. I was brought up like this.

OP posts:
Lairymary · 27/05/2025 13:46

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

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So is it a shared bowl? If so that would be more disgusting if he's dipping his saliva ridden fork in and out 🤨 although to be fair if it was just sharing with your partner, I wouldn't have an issue, it's just worse on the salad etiquette scale than your style.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:45

Settodonotdisturb · 27/05/2025 13:40

Are you allowed to eat during the day when he is cooking for you? You talk about being starving.

There are three potential red flags here (not including the communal bowl debate)

  1. he seems to have control over when you eat
  2. he seems to want control over how you eat
  3. he escalated a (non) issue and called you out on your reaction to that

The starving part just means because we eat late I am very hungry. I think because it’s not my house I just don’t help myself in the kitchen and he is not a snacker, so nothing to snack on. But I agree he is been critical over something that is not a big deal.

OP posts:
MounjaroMounjaro · 27/05/2025 13:44

He doesn't sound very nice to you, OP. I wouldn't be able to eat if someone was criticising me like that.

Sweetleftfood · 27/05/2025 13:42

Sweetleftfood · 27/05/2025 13:41

It's not weird not liking hot and cold together, quite common but very weird reaction from him. It's individual taste.
I am with you and always mix my side salad with my main meal, I do it purposefully for the hot cold combo, love it.
My husband will eat the side salad usually after his meal. He will put it on his plate after he has eaten his main meal. Weird for me but doesn't really cause any issues between us (together and eaten together for 25 years 😙)

Should have added that I am the foreigner (Northern European) and husband British but not English.

Zanatdy · 27/05/2025 13:42

Of course salad goes with a hot meal. Lasagne and salad is a staple of mine. Spiced chicken and salad. Today for lunch I had cooked pasta with salad. He needs to understand not everyone is from the same culture as he is.

Sweetleftfood · 27/05/2025 13:41

It's not weird not liking hot and cold together, quite common but very weird reaction from him. It's individual taste.
I am with you and always mix my side salad with my main meal, I do it purposefully for the hot cold combo, love it.
My husband will eat the side salad usually after his meal. He will put it on his plate after he has eaten his main meal. Weird for me but doesn't really cause any issues between us (together and eaten together for 25 years 😙)

Coffeemat · 27/05/2025 13:40

OP, he needs to be told STFU.
Do not move in with a super critical twat.
You will regret it.
Bitterly.

Settodonotdisturb · 27/05/2025 13:40

Are you allowed to eat during the day when he is cooking for you? You talk about being starving.

There are three potential red flags here (not including the communal bowl debate)

  1. he seems to have control over when you eat
  2. he seems to want control over how you eat
  3. he escalated a (non) issue and called you out on your reaction to that
Peridot1 · 27/05/2025 13:39

It sounds like a culture thing. But he shouldn’t have told you off.

Personally I love a bit of salad with balsamic on my plate with lasagna. It seems to cut through the richness of lasagna for me.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:37

SoftPillow · 27/05/2025 13:36

I’m also southern European and would also not eat salad alongside a hot meal like this. Salad would come after, or before, but always separately.

My English DH would put salad on his plate with the lasagne. I might give him a secret side eye, but I’d never comment.

Edited

Ok thank you so I think it must be cultural…a side eye is better 😊

OP posts:
TheAutumnCrow · 27/05/2025 13:37

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:36

Buy seperate food for his house you mean? He would find it strange I think

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What do you do all day?!

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2025 13:37

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:35

He has criticised me on other stuff like when I wore jeans on a really hot day a few weekends ago, it seemed to really bother him

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Why are you bothering?

Throw him back

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/05/2025 13:37

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:36

Buy seperate food for his house you mean? He would find it strange I think

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He sounds very controlling!!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/05/2025 13:37

Eating straight from the communal bowl is what’s disgusting, and putting his fork back in.

I’m aware that in France they would always have their salad after their hot food, and I’m willing to believe that’s the case in southern Europe too. Or I think some places you’d have a side plate for it.

I’m a bit on the fence as whilst I’d prefer my salad after the hot food or on a side plate, there’s nothing wrong with having it the way you do. It’s just preference. Dd has hers then way you do, and the only issue is if she hasn’t realised I’m not having my salad yet and doesn’t leave me any!

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:36

2ndbestslayer · 27/05/2025 13:34

That still doesn't make sense. You say you don't live together but even so why not just buy food to eat? Or are you not allowed?

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Buy seperate food for his house you mean? He would find it strange I think

OP posts:
SoftPillow · 27/05/2025 13:36

I’m also southern European and would also not eat salad alongside a hot meal like this. Salad would come after, or before, but always separately.

My English DH would put salad on his plate with the lasagne. I might give him a secret side eye, but I’d never comment.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:35

Reallybadidea · 27/05/2025 13:31

How's your relationship in general? Is it just this that's bothering you?

He has criticised me on other stuff like when I wore jeans on a really hot day a few weekends ago, it seemed to really bother him

OP posts:
2ndbestslayer · 27/05/2025 13:34

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:31

He doesn’t have another meal through the day and he shops quite specifically so there is not a lot of spare food to cook an extra meal

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That still doesn't make sense. You say you don't live together but even so why not just buy food to eat? Or are you not allowed?

DontTouchRoach · 27/05/2025 13:33

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Where did the OP request opinions on that, exactly?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/05/2025 13:33

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

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@Fernandez54 ????? but that means he is putting his fork into a communal dish of food!! that is unhygienic

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:33

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:30

I'm in NYC with a lot of Italian Americans and I was married to an Italian. Salad is served in its own bowl, not mixed with the main dish here. So it's odd to me.

But he shouldn't throw a fit over it.

Edited

Ok thank you. He’s Spanish but perhaps similar

OP posts:
2ndbestslayer · 27/05/2025 13:32

He got really cross with you so you reacted in kind. He doesn't get to accuse you of overreacting when he got cross with you over how you ate your food.

Not a good sign that he's got you all turned around and upside down about what normal behaviour is.

I hope the eating once a day is your choice and not him telling you to do it to fit in with him...

Reallybadidea · 27/05/2025 13:31

How's your relationship in general? Is it just this that's bothering you?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:31

JDM625 · 27/05/2025 13:25

If you had guests, would he still eat out the communal salad bowl??? And he works in hospitality? 🤢

I'm not sure why you can't still have another meal in the day, but his eating style is unhygienic! DH and I happily have salad with a lasagne, either on a side plate or heaven forbid- usually on the same plate as the lasagne!!!!

He doesn’t have another meal through the day and he shops quite specifically so there is not a lot of spare food to cook an extra meal

OP posts: