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Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
CautiousLurker01 · 27/05/2025 14:31

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

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🤢

SodOffbacktoaibu · 27/05/2025 14:31

You've both in your fifties? Fuck me ..I know why I'm single. What's the appeal of being with someone who controls what and how you eat and has a hissy fit over fucking salad?

Mind-blowing.

knittasgonna · 27/05/2025 14:30

He sounds annoying. If you're not complaining to him about being hot (because you wore jeans on a warm day) or about your lettuce wilting (because you put it next to hot food on your plate), what difference can these types of things possibly make to him? He doesn't sound like an easy person to live with. (And I say that as someone who can be fairly 'particular' myself, but there are limits!)

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:28

NewMoonToday · 27/05/2025 14:27

Don't the French eat salad as a course by itself?

OP- he'd not be my partner any longer.

He's dictating how you eat your food and also what clothes you wear.

Is this how you want to live?

It's not about the salad - it's him being controlling and critical.

Dump him.

Edited

Well he might be dictating but I don’t change my ways, as I continue to wear what I like and eat how I like, but it did put me off last night

OP posts:
NewMoonToday · 27/05/2025 14:27

Don't the French eat salad as a course by itself?

OP- he'd not be my partner any longer.

He's dictating how you eat your food and also what clothes you wear.

Is this how you want to live?

It's not about the salad - it's him being controlling and critical.

Dump him.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:26

Sandy792 · 27/05/2025 14:25

Surely if eating hot and cold food together is bad you wouldn't have the two at the same meal? Who wants to just eat salad on it's own?
Why do you only eat once a day OP?

I only eat once a day when I’m at his house

OP posts:
Westfacing · 27/05/2025 14:26

I can see his point, although I do like a bit of mixed salad next to a small pile of rice - seems a nice combination!

Look at those on MN who sniff about Yorkshire pudding served with anything but beef; and the dreaded double carbs of lasagne with garlic bread, even chips! 😱

Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx · 27/05/2025 14:26

How do people who don’t like hot and cold food together feel about a warm chicken Caesar salad? 🥗

NewMoonToday · 27/05/2025 14:25

It's not hygienic to put your used fork into a bowl that others use.

You take a serving of salad and put it on your plate or a side plate.

Sandy792 · 27/05/2025 14:25

Surely if eating hot and cold food together is bad you wouldn't have the two at the same meal? Who wants to just eat salad on it's own?
Why do you only eat once a day OP?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:25

Trendyname · 27/05/2025 14:23

It’s common for Spanish women to wear summer dresses or linen trousers on hot days. He cannot understand that there are women who may be ok wearing jeans.

Some European men think their way of doing things is superior, and they are not afraid of saying this out loud. Your bf seems to be one of them.

Eat your salad the way you like and wear want you want. I think the reason he cooks all the meals together because he thinks European cooking is better.

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Yes I agree with everything you have said

OP posts:
Trendyname · 27/05/2025 14:24

Katiesaidthat · 27/05/2025 14:23

I´m Spanish and I also don´t like mixing hot and cold, and when not given a side plate am very careful that the lettuce/salad doesn´t touch the hot food, or eat one first and then bring on the other. Communal bowls don´t scare me, I´m fine with them.
Edited to add, you eat it like you want to, ignore him.

Edited

That’s fine. It’s your preference but I hope you don’t call other peoples’ way of eating disgusting.

lazyarse123 · 27/05/2025 14:24

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:48

It’s been 3 years and it was about 9pm. If I had left he would ignore me and not get in touch.

Edited
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If he's that immature I'd have just left him to get on with it. My dh of 43 years will occasionally get in a snit and not speak for a couple of days. I did ask him why he did it and he said to punish me, wtf I just burst out laughing and asked why he thought I'd be bothered by not hearing him bang on about politics. He doesn't do it any more because I'm not fussed about it. Had he done it when younger I would have left.

Trendyname · 27/05/2025 14:23

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:35

He has criticised me on other stuff like when I wore jeans on a really hot day a few weekends ago, it seemed to really bother him

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It’s common for Spanish women to wear summer dresses or linen trousers on hot days. He cannot understand that there are women who may be ok wearing jeans.

Some European men think their way of doing things is superior, and they are not afraid of saying this out loud. Your bf seems to be one of them.

Eat your salad the way you like and wear want you want. I think the reason he cooks all the meals together because he thinks European cooking is better.

Katiesaidthat · 27/05/2025 14:23

I´m Spanish and I also don´t like mixing hot and cold, and when not given a side plate am very careful that the lettuce/salad doesn´t touch the hot food, or eat one first and then bring on the other. Communal bowls don´t scare me, I´m fine with them.
Edited to add, you eat it like you want to, ignore him.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:22

MumWifeOther · 27/05/2025 14:21

I love mixing hot and cold! Just keep eating however you want, nothing to do with him!

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
sugarapplelane · 27/05/2025 14:21

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:22

That’s the bit I don’t understand why is it odd to put it on the same plate ?

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A lot of people do just put their salad on their main plate, but we have separate individual salad bowls so that our cold salad doesn’t wilt from the heat if the main dish.

MumWifeOther · 27/05/2025 14:21

I love mixing hot and cold! Just keep eating however you want, nothing to do with him!

Jujujudo · 27/05/2025 14:19

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Also a criticism. If that what she wants to eat then let her! It’s not our place to judge how others choose to eat.

Ilikeadrink14 · 27/05/2025 14:19

Trendyname · 27/05/2025 14:13

My Italian old Italian neighbour from Italy didn’t provide extra dish for salad when she served it along with pasta at her home. I have another well mannered Italian friend is also not so rigid about these things.

Maybe American Italians are too formal and have stayed in the past. I see this phenomenon with a lot of Indian families too who moved abroad decades ago.

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Was he Italian? 😂😂😂 (sorry, couldn’t resist!) No offence intended.

Jujujudo · 27/05/2025 14:17

Different cultures are a pain in the ass.. my H is also from a different (non western) culture and he tends to eat with his hands which I can’t stand! But it’s the way they eat and I chose to be with him so..
When we go on holiday I tend to sort out the kids’ food from the buffet with them so I sit and eat once they’ve already got into it. So I pile it on in one go.. he commented on it once.. it really upset me. I want to eat how I want and if my H is critical it affects my enjoyment of the meal.
I would tell him that you eat how you eat, and his criticism of you makes you insecure - I hope you get through to him!

SpanThatWorld · 27/05/2025 14:17

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:22

That’s the bit I don’t understand why is it odd to put it on the same plate ?

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It really isn't odd at all.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:17

NancyGreens · 27/05/2025 14:14

He seems to be quite weird about food...? I used to work in high end hospitality, before I escaped about 5 years ago, and it can make you weird about food tbh, especially if you're a raging alcoholic / frequent drug user as a lot of my colleagues were.

You didn't overreact. Is he OK?

Editing to add: strictly speaking you aren't meant to put cold food on the same plate as hor food, but calling it disgusting is weird hyperbole

Edited

Yes maybe it’s the hospitality aspect combined with cultural. Not sure about the relevance of alcohol and drug use, but I suspect this is very common too in this type of work

OP posts:
Ilikeadrink14 · 27/05/2025 14:14

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

Show quote history

So he’s the disgusting one then! You did nothing wrong. Or, if you did, so do I as that’s exactly how I, and all my family, eat it! Ignore him! He’s a plonker and needs to get a life! You need to get a sane and sensible partner.
If that had been said to me, the lasagne would have been all over his face and hair!
Incidentally, I love it when the salad gets slightly warm too!

Mulledjuice · 27/05/2025 14:14

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Not the point

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