I know this may sound like a silly question but I have so much guilt over doing this and wanted to hear what others think and (hopefully) ease the guilt.
I'm currently at uni in my final year and have a graduate job lined up for September working in Parliament. It's a great opportunity career wise and I am looking forward to it a lot, but at the same time, I feel sick to my stomach. For context, I fell pregnant at 19 unexpectedly and am a single mum, dad is hardly involved so not reliable as "support." My family are also not local to me unfortunately so my son will mostly be in breakfast and after school clubs for the foreseeable.
I feel so bad about this because a part of me feels like I'll be failing him when all the other kids get picked up by mum or dad and I'm not there. I'm not sure how true that is re 'all' the kids, I'm sure there are many who use the clubs also, but my brain is just focusing on the ones who don't. I know if I back out of the job and find a part-time, more family friendly role, I won't earn as much and career progression may be more difficult. I am also conscious of building a pension pot as although I am still young, there is a fairly high chance I will remain single forever and I want to be financially comfortable in retirement.
It kind of feels like I'm failing no matter what I do, or maybe that's just my pessimism. Am I being a selfish mother by prioritizing my career over being there for my son? I want him to look up to me as someone who chased her dreams and made a positive impact in life, but at the same time, I don't want him to feel like I abandoned him. Since he was a baby, he's been with me most of the time. Even when I went back to uni, I still only went in 2/3 days a week so neither of us are used to spending 5 days not with one another. I'm worried about it, so if anyone has any encouraging words it would be greatly appreciated!
TIA x