To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

I have an Olympic gold medal in clumsy accidents! I broke a rib coughing - had to have an injection of morphine!
Broke my toe on the bed while kissing my child goodnight
Stood up after breaking toe and smashed head into open window frame requiring staples
Lost a tooth while eating clear soup
Pulled a muscle in my groin while attempting to shag my husband.. hadn’t actually got to second base yet
The list is endless… great thread!!

You can’t leave it at that!!!!!

Whilst taking the wrapper off a frozen pizza that I was going to cook for the kids tea
A frozen,piece of cheese bounced off the package, straight into my eye ouch..

I broke a toe by hitting it with a sledge hammer. Accidently, I mean.

Almost blendered off the top of my finger making cupcakes

Tripped in bare feet and lost a chunk of my big toe because it literally PEELED from my toenail forward

Broke a major bone tripping over in a shop in my 20s

Gave myself a concussion accidentally headbutting a shelf at work

Gave myself a stomach ulcer by not getting a chance to eat at work for several months

Gave myself trenchfoot as a student by wearing crap shoes in the rain

Multiple sprained ankles just living my life

Tore a quad walking into a shop

It's a wonder I've survived this long to be bonest

Not me but a friend.

He was opening some champagne with a sword (as you do).

If you do this the cork doesn't come out the top of the bottle with the cork i comes off, and in his case flew in to the air, did a number of summersaults and then hit him sharp glass side in the forehead. He was left with a 'z' shaped cut.

A few days later we were shopping and he asked, "what does it mean if my cut is itching?"

I said, "It means Voldamort is around" I don't think I have been forgiven for that.

I had a fall, I landed on all fours and my belly seemed to just split. It wasn't painful, there was hardly any blood but I posted a couple of pictures on sporner corner and it was too much for them.

Dislocated my thumb putting on skinny jeans.

Broke my leg to avoid treading on my dog.
I had to have surgery and I now have a metal plate and 6 screws.

This is a just and fitting punishment for the crime of freezing cheese 😱

I don't have anything that can rival the pearls on here, but I did lose a toenail after dropping a plate on my foot while doing the dishes. Broke the plate, too.

Had a fight with my waffle maker once. Cut my finger down to the bone somehow.

I was pruning a shrub that had a large trunk, I slipped with the tree scissors (no idea what they’re called), punched myself in face and gave myself a black eye.

Put my back out picking up an empty glass from a table.

From a 2001 BBC report. (Needing treatment by medical staff)

Nearly 6,000 people were hurt after tripping over their trousers or falling down stairs while pulling them up.

Thousands of people are injured each year in the home
And 10,773 are hurt each year in accidents involving socks and tights.

Other injuries included:

13,132 people injured after incidents involving boiling vegetables
1,810 people walking into tree trunks or cutting their hands on them and 1,171 after accidents involving leaves, such as slipping
Incidents involving bird baths accounted for 311 trips to casualty
3,421 people are injured annually in accidents involving clothes baskets

There's some dangerous stuff going on in our lives!

I did that too!!

I shut my thumb in a Quinny pushchair in B and Q car park when it did its fancy pneumatic assembling itself thing.
I was holding DS so couldn't undo it for ages, having no spare hands. Had to flag down a passing mum to help.
I sold it and bought a cheap pushchair after that!

I was going to say this one - glad I'm not the only one!

Oh, and ironed a shirt while wearing it. I still have a tiny triangular burn mark on my solar plexus, decades later.

Cutting a frozen tea cake in half and slicing the top of my little finger off. What a dope.
Luckily, docs were able to reattach and I just have a little scar there now.

I was jumping up and down, playing with my toddler niece, when I landed awkwardly on my ankle (we were on cobbles) sprained ankle blew up like a balloon.

Leaned over a running hot tap topless and scalded my nipple.

Stood on a rake, numerous times.

’Tested’ the water with my hand when running our boiling water tap. More than once. Idiot.

Left an eye-level cupboard door open, bent down and then stood up into the bottom corner of it. That really bloody hurt.

There was a pile of washing on the floor, which annoyed me, so I kicked it.
My foot went through the pile of clothes easily enough, then hit the wall. My toes hurt a bit but seemed fine, however the top of my foot swelled and bruised and after a few days I went to the Dr., she laughed at me and sent me for x-rays. I'd broken some cuneiform bones - I had to stay off the foot so the washing pile got even bigger.

Name changed as these are all identifying.

Walking from the car park into work (6th form college). Slipped on a plastic speed bump. Broke my nose, cut my face, including a nice hole above my upper lip. Still have the scar. Luckily no kids in that day!

Age 9 got in an inflatable dinghy at the beach, it was immediately tipped over by a wave and I cracked my head open on shingle. Lots of blood.

Age 11 wanted to iron some shorts. Couldn't be bothered with the ironing board, so just put a towel on the floor. Rested the hot iron on my thigh. Had a lovely scar for ages.

Oh I had to escape a field of aggro cows with my dog as a child. I had to throw her over the electric fence and then jump over too but missed the mark and got electrocuted..

Was not a pleasant experience 🤣 my dog was fine though thankfully!

That sounds horrific! Sorry about your eye.

As a small child walking along the street, I noticed a shop which had its awning out. I decided to run through the side bit (a strip of canvas which hung from the awning to the pavement) but instead of the canvas giving way & flapping about, I ran slap bang into a wall-mounted postbox on the other side of it, face first. Cue tears & a nose bleed. And feeling stupid.

I was sleeping late one morning and was woken up by the doorbell. I was expecting some parcels so I shot out of bed at top speed and went to put on my dressing gown. Unfortunately, one of my arms had gone to sleep where I’d been lying on it. I was trying to get this dead arm into the dressing gown sleeve and it was swinging around uncontrollably culminating in it rising up of its own accord and punching me in the eye, hard. I was halfway down the stairs before I realised I didn’t have a doorbell and the ringing must have been a dream.