To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

😆😆 exactly like that! It was so painful but I was laughing and crying at the same time, rolling on the grass clutching my nose. I no longer use the short tined rakes that hide in the grass. I have a large bright orange plastic one that can’t flip up!

Reminds me of doing A level chemistry and getting, I think, silver nitrate on my hands which went brownish/black, the manageress at the shop where I had my Saturday job made me clear our the stockrooms for the day rather than serve customers!
The separating burgers reminds me of my late OH who managed to skewer his hand doing just that, we went up to the military medical centre where they stitched his palm with the words, 'You don't need anaesthetic for a little scratch do you Sir' they were used to battlefield wounds but he was a wussy teacher! Daughter 1 kept saying 'Well, I wanted fish fingers!'
We'd not been in our new-to-us house when I got up during the night for the loo, didn't put a light on and stumbled half asleep trying to find the en suite, found a door and dashed in, smacking my head on the door frame of the opposite bedroom, I'd opened the wrong door. I had to go round Rome a couple of days later with a violent looking red mark from my forehead and down my nose, as well as two black eyes.

I did that once. I was trying to hold onto my bag at the same time as climbing over, so I wasn't keeping grip properly as I tried to bridge the stile. Slipped and landed thwack on my arse, dear God the pain. My whole right arse cheek was bruised for weeks. I should have just swung my fucking bag over first and picked it up once I was safely over myself. 🤦‍♀️

I did something similar
Had the baby gatw on the stairs about 3 or 4 stairs up, decided to step over it as it made a noise when opening and i didn't want the kids to wake up, only my foot slipped and I fell onto it, cut my labia needed 5 stitches and the brusing went almost too my knees.

These stories are making me feel a lot better but here goes my stupid injuries:
-fell off breakfast bar stool in kitchen, broken wrist

• fell over by Lake Bala in Wales whilst on holiday, broke other wrist.
• celebrating one week of bring a qualified teacher, dancing at Fridge in Brixton. Slipped on dance floor, broke all four fingers on right hand, dislocated right knee & broke left femer.
• tripped down 2 steps in holiday apt in Tenerife whilst sober (I'm tea-total!), gave myself a spiral fracture in my right foot & shattered my left knee cap. Nearly ended up on a medi-flight home, ended up having to purchase 2 additional seats for plane home, pay for hospital care etc...thank goodness for insurance!

DelboytrottersDnecklace

I'd like to slap both your parents!!! Some of your stories remind me of Sue Perkins talking about her clumsiness, which in her case turned out to be dyspraxia.

Not an injury per se, other than to my pride.

Moved into a "vintage" flat and got stuck in the lift on moving in day for an hour, requiring maintenance to come out.

Vacated one year later. On moving out day, confident that lightening doesn't strike twice etc...... two hours stuck in the lift while DP and friends did the heavy lifting. There were suspicions I'd done it on purpose to get out of the hard work.....

I managed to get run over by the car I was sitting in.

There was a very slight bend in the kurb and and in a rush I stepped out of the back seat before driver had fully stopped and went straight under the back tyre.

I was stuck in this weird position where I was under the tyre but holding on to the footwell for dear life.

Had tyre print embedded on my legs for 2 day after.

Layed down in bed, on my phone, dropped phone on my face and split my lip open!
Worked in a shop at the time. The amount of customers that asked me if I'd been punched in the face was ridiculous! Lol!!!

I'm that accident prone that when my darling mil phones dp every Saturday,the second question out of her mouth is 'has delboy had any accidents this week?'
(The first question is 'what's the weather like?')

Fell off a stool while decorating and 8 months pregnant and broke my elbow

Fell over the front door mat,broke two toes and a year to the day,did exactly the same thing to the same two toes

Broke my nose at school,I was shit at sport-they knew it and I didn't want to do it
I was stood to the side in the gym and was hit in the face with a volleyball

Punched myself in the face while swimming-massive nosebleed

Whacked myself in the face with a badminton racquet-huge black eye

Fell over a wet floor sign at work (that I'd put there 4 seconds earlier) and slipped on a wet floor,tumbling head first down the stairs

Broke a finger at work by trapping it in a door

Got my arm trapped in the drinks machine and had to wait 15 minutes until the handyman could get me out

I've slammed the car boot on my own head

Went for a walk with dp and tripped over a pothole-had to have stitches in my forehead

Pulled my back out by standing up/picking up my handbag/picking up my baby

Burned my hand on my hair straighteners more times than I care to admit

Aged 14,my mother handed me a jar full of boiling water and told me to shake it
I did and it exploded
I lost all the skin and hair off my privates,had to walk like a crab for weeks and walk to the doctors everyday for weeks to have it dressed
(She refused to drive me there-i had to walk and have it dressed)

Smashed a glass and had the smallest piece of glass in my finger and foot for weeks

As a child,I was in the child seat on the back of my dad's bike
He was cycling along,ignoring me screaming and finally got to my aunts house
She came out,took one look at me and noticed I'd put my heel on the wheel and my ankle was sliced to the bone-blood everywhere
I still have the scar and it still blisters 45 years on

Was taking newborn dd upstairs in her car seat and slipped
Somehow,as I was on my way down the stairs,i managed to cling onto the car seat,using me as a cushion
She was fine-i broke 3 ribs

I'm that bad,my manager has taken me aside to ask if dp is beating me up
He soon realised I'm just a clumsy twit

I have a long list but I think my personal favourite is giving myself a black eye and bloody nose trying to pull my duvet up in bed. Punched myself right in the face.

My most embarrassing one was at an aquarium when I was a teenager, looking through one of those half bubble windows, leaned too far in, face planted the glass, slid down and cut my chin on the frame at the bottom. The way it bruised made me look like I had a beard for about 2 weeks.

Not Me but a friend on a first date many years whist drunk decided to leap frog, some benches whilst walking to the next pub fell flat on her face and smashed her two front teeth out not a good look...

Used veet on my bikini line as I'd done a million times before. Noticed a burning sensation but nothing awful. Took it off anyway and I had two big red lines either side. Haven't used it since (obviously). Just glad it wasn't all over my legs!

When I first joined MN a billion years ago, we didn't have smart phones. I was sitting at the desk browsing MN on my laptop whilst breastfeeding newborn DD. Finished, I handed a sleepy, milk-drunk DD over to DH for a nappy change, proceeding to slam the laptop shut on my already red raw nipple. Ironically, I'd been posting about my sore nipples. I should have sued.

Oh, and many many accidents involving superglue. Here’s a tip: if you ever somehow superglue your fingers together/to someone/something, then nail polish remover might help

Dropped a bottle of nail polish remover over the sink, it bounced upwards off the tap and splashed in my eye. Had to go to a&e and get my eye washed out.

Fucking hell!!!!!!!!

Burned myself on a hand held clothes steamer. It had some fluff on it so I wiped it on the dressing gown I was wearing. Steamer decided to eject stream of steam at this moment. I still have the scars.

I then did the exact same thing a few weeks later.

DH ripped out a tooth eating al dente broccoli.

He also had a potentially far more serious one, he still has a scar of a gash on his nose from walking too close to a helicopter propeller while it was turning on. A plastic surgeon offered recently to make the scar less visible, DH said no as he wants to keep the reminder of his stupidity! ( I have never known him without the scar so it is part of him for me).

I broke a finger once trying to break a Kit Kat chunky in half by hitting it on the table. I had put it in the fridge and twatted my hand not the table. Was in a splint for 6 weeks.

Did you buy the house though?

My most significant injury ever was entirely my fault. I had a pile of clean washing in a wire basket to be put away, but it was Saturday night and I felt like relaxing with a few drinks so left it in front of my bedroon cupboard to do in the morning.

Got up in the night for a wee, fell over it and broke my right wrist (fractured radius, right into the joint). DH said he had never heard anything like the scream. The surgeon said the wrist joint looked like it was "full of cornflakes". Plate and nine screws needed and I couldn't write for weeks as I am super right handed and can do very little with my left (luckily could still type).

I threw out the wire basket and replaced it with a wicker one as the wire one made me feel sick to look at. I have never left anything on the bedroom floor since then and I also always use the light of my fitbit to light my way to the loo in the night, just in case.

Pulled my shoulder out taking a sports bra off....

Didn't mind the gap when getting on the tube and one leg slipped down to the knee, where it was squashed between the train and platform. Horribly bruised.

Stood up on the coach to talk to people sitting a few rows in front, my back facing the steps down to the toilet. Lost my balance and fell down the steps, putting my hand out to try to break my fall and sprained my wrist so badly I had to do all my exams on a computer.

Took a chunk off my thumb with a cheese slicer.

This made me laugh out loud.
Still laughing 🤣🤣