To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

Ohh i and just remembered when I was walking to the toilet and accidently kicked the hoover pipe and sliced my toe open

Sliced my thumb open changing a light bulb (wasn't even my light bulb)

You've just reminded me that I did exactly the same climbing over a fence as a teenager. Couldn't see any bruising externally, but my god my vagina hurt for bloody ages

Oh God, these memories just keep coming.

This one was a complete parenting fail when my DS was about 3. I'd asked his DF to keep an eye on him while I did a workout video. DS was happily tootling around the flat on a little tricycle. I was on all fours doing the "kick one leg back" exercise with gusto. Twat DF opened the living room door to see if I was nearly finished, DS scooted past him and behind me so I didn't see him come in and I properly punted him sideways into the sofa with my foot. Fortunately he was unharmed, just a bit shocked, so lots of cuddles and an ice cream and no harm done. But my blood ran cold imagining trying to explain any injury had it been worse to a doctor or God forbid a SW, with DS able to say quite clearly that I'd kicked him off his scooter. It wouldn't have stopped me taking him if necessary of course, but it could have been really awkward!

Sorry… I didn’t mean to be rude or be completely without sympathy. But that was class!💐

As a pre-teen I was sunbathing on a very solid and chunky vintage sun lounger in my aunt and uncles garden. I decided to try and adjust the angle while sitting on it, it was on a spring loaded ratchet mechanism, so I pushed it back to release it, and the force of it "coming back" as it were caused me to lose my one handed grip so it smacked me solidly on the side of the head and tried to fold me up in it. That was pretty painful.

In the same garden, I opened the back doors to step outside just as my team playing footballer cousin kicked a leather football towards the house with full force and it was stopped by my face. How I didn't get a broken nose or black eyes I'll never know. And he laughed. Twat.

When I broke my nose tripping over I ended up with essentially a Hitler moustache as my upper lip was so scabby and it wouldn't come off. I was a sight to behold.

<looks up at Xmas>
I'm five feet nothing! PJ shorts for me all the way! 😅

I’m 5ft 2!

You'll have enjoyed my post earlier then. And the Hungry Piggy one. 👋 😉

Which reminds me. I was once in my pre veggie days carrying a bowl of tuna on my way out of the kitchen. Our dog tried sniffing round so I shooed her away with my other hand. In doing so I hit the dog crate, caught my fingers in the bars and dislocated my middle finger, chipping a bit of bone too. It was bent into a W shape until the doc at casualty straightened it out again. I swear that hound was sniggering when I got back home. 😤

My cousin, who's less than five feet tall, tripped over her pj bottoms and fell down the stairs, breaking her back. It can be dangerous being a short arse.

I have a strange phobia of people hurting their fingers lol otherwise I’d have been a nurse 😂😂

Tbf this whole thread is Wince Central!

Sorry but the beard…. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mine always involve the stairs.

My first I missed the last step and somehow headbutted the wall in front. Spectacular egg on my head and concussion, I couldn’t bring myself to tell work what I’d done so I cut in a fringe to hide the egg!

second, taking hot tea up for me and DH, my foot got caught in my baggy pyjama bottoms, tripped up the step, bottoms fell down, burned my arms and covered the stairs, landing and walls in tea! My daughter came running out to see my bare bottom, I was so embarrassed

This made me feel funny

Apparently in uk casualty ( report bbc 2001 )

3,421 people are injured annually in accidents involving clothes baskets.

So you def not alone!

Was putting on my trainers and went over on my ankle. Broke it spectacularly and needed surgery to fix it.

I split my top lip open when the bungee rope I was trying to stretch over something sprang out of my hand, and the hook bust my lip open. I still have the scar.

Another time I had climbed across two dining chairs to reach something high up in a corner. On my way back down the second chair had moved or been moved, can't remember why, but imagine stepping off a dining chair into nothingness. I fell hard on my hand, dislocating and busting my finger open (you could see the yellow fatty tissue). DH was at work so I dashed next door dripping blood on my way. Our neighbour drove me to the Minor Injuries Unit and stayed with me till DH got out of work and drove to meet me there. Everybody needs good neighbours...

Two of my fingers got crushed when I was bitten by a pig thirty years ago. I still don't have full movement in one of them.

Gave myself a back eye trying to remove the hose from the hoover.

Age 6, insisted on going down a slide face down and head first. My parents had already told me I'd land on my chin and hurt myself...... I I just couldn't take their word for it.

A couple of years ago, a toilet cubicle door fell off its hinges and landed on my big toe. Fractured it.

And around the same time as the toilet cubicle door incident, I threw a paper towel
Into a pedal bin behind a toilet. As it was a pedal bin, I had to open it with one foot and throw at the same time. That action gave me agonising pain in my knee and I couldn't put any weight on it at all. Had to go to A&E. The orthopaedic surgeon I saw was not surprised that action caused an injury. I still don't really get it.

Not sure if this meets the "given yourself" rule, but I was sitting in an armchair at a friend's party when a large loudspeaker fell off the shelf above my head and gashed my head open.

Friend's mother had gone out for the evening and said she could "have a few friends round". The poor woman came home to find about 50 17-18 year olds, all pissed, blood all over her carpets and me sitting in her kitchen while my head bled into her sink.

The friend who'd dropped her off drove me to the hospital, where I had 12 stitches in my head, and was kind enough to drive me home afterwards, which was 15 miles in the opposite direction.

It was Christmas Eve, and I had concussion all over Christmas.

That was me with the lift doors in a department store. I was about 7. Had to wait for a man with a key. Once she realised the lift wasn't going to move and decapitate me DM just stood there pissing herself laughing. I was mortified, and apparently the angry head of a 7 year old is very funny.

Snapped a tendon on my 2nd finger and was in a splint for 6 weeks.

I was making the bed…