To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

Thank you ☺️

Dont worry I can see still. I had blurred double vision for a few weeks once healed but weirdly your brain corrects for it all. So I can still see very well and have to close the eyes one by one to even remember which one is bad.

I can confirm though it is more painful than a caesarean section. You have no idea how many times a second you move eyeballs until one is severed in half 😭

Nigh on took my fingertip off cutting a side of salmon into portions (the skin is surprisingly tough). I was still finding dried blood in the drawers in my kitchen two weeks later. I still have the scar but luckily the sensation returned after a while.
Sliced the palm of my hand under my little finger packaging up metal fronts for displays my
then H was selling as part of his new business. I had to lay on the floor and raise my hand in the air to stem the bleeding. I had five stitches (and needed to breathe like I was in labour for the anaesthetic). The scar still splits open to this day because it was badly stitched - over 24 years later.
The most painful thought was when I slumped in the bathroom brushing my teeth. I apparently dislocated a rib and couldn’t move. One of my DCs had to help me lay down until the pain subsided enough that I could move.

Broke my foot in Bethnal Green drunkenly trying to put my air pods in while riding a bike no handed, (in my 20's!). Hit the concrete hard, then continued cycling home as it was cold.

DH broke his toe on our eldest highchair when she was still in it.

Also trapped a nipple between the arms on my computer chair and the desk.

I also rolled over in bed, didn't realise how close to edge I was and smacked my face off the bedside cabinet. Burst above my eye open and knocked my contact lense out I hit it that hard. That was literally 3 weeks before breaking my ankle.

A couple of these have reminded me of similar mishaps of my own. Fairly recently I was reading my tablet in bed and dropped it on my face when I fell asleep, giving myself quite a nasty bruise under one eye.
Another was a glass door incident. I was with one of my kids at a sports centre and went inside to go to the toilet. I don't know if the door was wedged open when I went in or someone held it for me, but it definitely wasn't there and I walked straight through. On my way out I realised I was about to miss DC's race so I ran towards what I still expected to be an open door. Except it wasn't. I ran straight into the glass and fell flat on my back but the worst damage was to my pride as large group of other parents saw me do it.
I have of course seen the end result of lots of other people's mishaps in a professional capacity. I usually manage to hide my feelings reasonably successfully but I did struggle not to laugh at the guy who had a piece of bread impaled to the palm of his hand with a fondue fork.

Oh dear, so many.

As a child, whilst having a bath, I decided to play tightrope walking by balancing along the side of the bath. Of course my feet were wet so I slipped and fell with all my weight on my side and completely winded myself. My parents heard the thud and came running up to see what had happened. When I could speak again I just said I slipped getting out so I got loads of sympathy.

As a student I was trying to toss a pancake and got hit in the face with pancake shrapnel which blistered my eyelid.

A few years ago out walking with DH and DD, scrambling up a steep bank. I slipped and whacked my boob on something hard and sharp; ended up with a badly bruised and scratched boob. DH was horrified.

Thought I’d broken my nose when I went downstairs in the early hours to make a bottle when our youngest was tiny.
Very familiar with the house, I didn’t bother turning the lights on. Was so tired, I miscalculated the distance from the kitchen to the staircase, turned to go up the stairs too soon and smacked straight into the glass panel.
Around the same time, misjudged the height of the bath, didn’t lift my leg high enough, tripped over the side and fell full flat on my face on the tiled floor. Ouch.

Mum beat me though: couldn’t find a pencil sharpener so used a kitchen knife on her eyeliner. Proceeded to stab herself right in the eye with the sharp wooden tip. Instantly swelled up into an enormous blood blister and she had to be treated at Moorfields (all good now).

I fell asleep stirring a cup of tea and burnt my hand as it sunk into the mug

Oh God. I was trying out a boys bike with a crossbar and my feet slipped off the pedals. I thought I was going to die it was so painful. Could have ruined me for life! 😂

I got a corneal abrasion from the hook of my bra once, I was trying to pull it out of an over stuffed drawer and it pinged right into my eye.

I’ve had several injuries over the years that afterwards I’ve said to myself “wtf did you do that??”

But the most memorable/stupid = electrocuting myself on the Christmas tree lights.

I spent ages putting them on the tree, switched them on and a section wasn’t working. In an attempt to find the one with the broken filament I was feeling my way along the wire to each bulb to inspect it. But the offending bulb was actually smashed and I’d left them plugged in. Yep. I grabbed a live exposed filament.

Reached for the razor in the shower, dropped it, felt it touch my body but didn’t think anything of it.
Got out and started drying to find patches of blood appearing on the towel. Took me a very confused few minutes to realise I’d taken some skin off my nipple with the razor as it fell

Also, was making fun of my sister being excited and running down the stairs on Christmas morning (I was a teen). Skipped down the stairs, tripped and broke 2 toes. Serves me right I suppose!

I sat on a jellyfish in the sea in Greece and had to show my bum to the Pharmacist in the shop as they couldn’t understand what I was saying or my attempt at miming it.

Having had a hand shut in a car door , you have my utmost sympathies.

Spattered myself in the face with scalding sauce from an over-microwaved ready meal - took the plastic off the top and it sort of exploded. Weeping sores for about three weeks.

Poked myself in the eye while half asleep with the corner of the pillow. Red and sore for a week.

I sat on the loo in the small loo, dropped something on the floor, bent forward to pick it up and smacked my face on the little sink and knocked myself out. I still have a linear dent in my forehead, 18 years later, so I wonder whether I might have cracked my skull.

I got up for a wee in the middle of the night and stubbed my toes on the skirting board and broke and dislocated them. They were pointing in a weird v shape. My boyfriend at the time manipulated them back into place and taped them up for me. They kept moving out of place so I ended up going to A&E.

Oh I've just thought of another. Again in Holland, me and my brother and sister cycling back from the pub along a canal path. I was at the back and first my brother went in the canal on his bike, then my sister, then just as I was mocking them as they dragged their bikes out of the canal I accidentally swerved and ended up in there too. Had quite a bad black eye 🤣

Trapped a nipple slamming a filing cabinet door shut.

Trapped a nerve in my neck taking a hair band out.

Matching scars from the dog looping his long lead round me and pulling it so tight and fast the friction caused it to cut into both my legs.

Nearly cut my finger off running my hand up a plant as a child. Turns out the stem was very sharp and woody. Still have the scar.

There's many many more.

I’ve done this!!! I thought my eye was going to explode 🤣

Oh this the most embarrassing.

I used to live in Holland. I am absolutely NOT into cannabis/weed but for some reason decided to try a space cake in Amsterdam and then go to Anne Frank's house with a friend.

I was twatted (first time ever trying cannabis in any form) and after getting some embarrassing giggles fell over, IN HER ANNEX, in front of people crying, and knocking myself out. I had to be carried out by security.

I don't think I've ever been so ashamed 😬. I'm sorry to anyone who may have witnessed this - I'm genuinely not usually a disrespectful person!

I'm adding hoovers to the list of banned items. Far too dangerous. Them and duvets, stairs, chairs, stiles, ironing boards, clothes airers, dog crates. I'll think of more, I'm sure. It's for our own good. #KeepBritain*Safe

*and anywhere else

I managed to throw my back out by cleaning my teeth - maybe I was brushing too hard.

I also tore some fibres of my hamstring by standing up and turning slightly.

As a kid, I was gardening with my parents, and jammed a garden fork through my wellies and into the ground. Luckily the tines of the fork went between my toes, and just grazed them.

Sprained my shoulder walking home from a head, neck and shoulder massage 😅

I had my head inside the car boot looking for something, finished looking and shut the boot really hard - before I got my head out. Gave myself an awful concussion.