To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

You're not alone, a friend went for a pee behind a shed and stood on a rake... Resulting in a broken nose!

I was sticking my middle finger up at my friend who was looking at me out of my bedroom window, I was on ghe road below, but I did that thing where you bring your arm down on your inner elbow and bring your middle finger up at the same time. My middle finger went straight into my eye! I had to stay off school and see the doctor the next morning it hurt so much

I threw a satsuma in the air, looked up to see how high I'd got it and it hit me right in the eye. Had a huge black eye for ages.

Frozen shoulder aged 16 by getting the tv remote off the coffee table. I have been taking the remotes off the coffee table for years then one day, I injured my shoulder.

At previous job, I was helping a colleague who was struggling with a security tag with pin. Somehow, no idea how, the security tag was attached to the webbing between thumb and forefinger. Only thing to do was to remove tag over the strong magnet used to remove the tags! Oh so painful. Bruises over thumb

Unless you're sideshow bob

Getting ready to go out for a posh dinner/big event with the whole family, stood on one leg to put tights on, and my back gave way. I was in awful pain, fell forward on to the bed, where my husband found me about 15 minutes later when he came up to see where I was. He helped me finish dressing, I took some codeine and a large slug of vodka, and made it through the meal. Took several weeks and osteopath visits to get over it. I now sit down to put tights on!!!

I once dislocated my thumb getting toothpaste out of the tube.

Went to collect a parcel from our communal mailroom. I held back the very heavy spring door with one hand while I bent to pick up the parcel with the other hand, turned around and moved forward just as I let go of the door. It slammed hard into my face, nearly knocked me out. Just about dragged myself back up to my flat, seeing stars, and within half an hour had the most massive black eye I’ve ever seen. Absolute mortification for the 3 weeks it took to clear up.

I have two.

1. fell down the stairs of a posh bar on Marylebone High Street underneath a sigh which said “Caution - Steep Stairs” whilst wearing v high heels and completely sober. Grade 3 ankle ligament tear, requiring £500 of physio. Threw out ever pair of high heels I owned after that.
2. poked myself in the eye big style with a hair brush whilst drying my hair. It was two days before my dad’s funeral and I had to turn up with a black eye. Also had to field questions from colleagues when back at work who were not aware I had a bereavement, and were also puzzled as to why I was sporting a huge shiner.

I sprained my foot badly just walking across the carpet, My foot just sort of half come out of my slipper and just twisted over the top.

I broke my ribs, putting on my dressing gown. I had grabbed the waist tie(?) and went to knot it quickly, managing to hook my foot in the process. Unbalanced and on one leg, I hopped comedy style before crashing ribs first into the corner of my dressing table.

I knocked the food processor blade off the work surface and managed to catch it, slicing through my fingers 😬

A serious burn covering a lot of a limb… from flower sap.

Huge bruise on my leg from falling over absolutely nothing on a beach, somehow managing to land all my weight on my other foot.

Fractured my thumb pushing a trolley full of paperwork at an old job and steered it into a wall.

I have many!

Last week I was trying to open a bottle of wine.

I pulled the corkscrew hard and punched myself in the face, staggered backwards, banged into the folded ironing board that was leaning against a cupboard and ended up on my arse where the ironing board promptly fell down and hit me on the back of the neck.

I didn't spill a drop of wine though.

So bloody proud of myself! 😁🍷🍷

Tried to cut frozen cheese, knife slipped and sliced the end of my thumb off.

Drove to hospital, got stitched up, drove home - starving.

Dogs had eaten all the fucking cheese.

When I was a kid I was balancing along a fence at the park (as you do), fell off and whacked my chin on the fence on the way down, managed to bite my tongue down both sides and could eat properly for ages!

It was foolproof 😆

I sat on hair straighteners in the buff when I was about 19. Couldn’t sit down properly for ages!

My cut leg after a handstand collapse doesn't sound that ridiculous now...

Weeding in the big flower bed, noticed a beautiful Dahlia bud about to bloom. Went to step over it, fell (no idea how or why) and fractured my thigh. Dahlia unharmed.

I've given myself a black eye. I was trying to open a pack of ham. I am really clumsy and often have large bruises...

Played hide and seek on soft play with my 7 year old. Tripped over a soft block. Broke my foot and ripped my tendons. Kids bounce and 40 years olds don’t.

Dislocated my shoulder to avoid treading on a piece of lego

I was washing my face too vigorously, my little finger went all the way up my nostril and cause a horrendous nose bleed!