To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

Pulling at a dogwood root, as I was doing it I was telling myself "you know what's going to happen" but I still did it. My arse was sore and it's saved on my cctv for posterity. On the cctv whilst struggling to get up you can see my cat looking away without the slightest bit of concern.

I tripped over yarn I was detangling when I went to answer the phone. Broke my ankle in 3 places, dislocated it too, plus sliced right through to the bone with the acrylic yarn - “like cheese wire!” the surgeon said afterwards!

I was in hospital for 10 days and in plaster for 8 weeks.

I still knit though!

Laugh away, we dined out on that one for ages 😁

Just remembered another one. At a local nightclub I levered myself up on the edge of the bar to give the barman, who we knew well, a friendly peck on the cheek. Dropped myself down so the bar edge went right under my ribs and winded me badly. The pain was worse than childbirth.

I had long black hair at the time and he woke up to what looked like the woman out of the Ring clawing at his foot and whimpering.

I know I shouldn’t laugh but …

Set my hair on fire at a birthday party when I was 6. We were all leaning over to get close to the cake. I was the best at leaning.

I could honestly be here forever. Random injuries are my forte. 🙈😁

Some of my “best” ones:

I was walking past a bookcase in my hallway. Caught my little toe in the spine of a large hardback book that was lying on its side and ended up breaking it.

Had a couple of wines at the cinema, decided to run quickly to the loo, forgot about the steps at the end of the aisle and ended up flat on my back on the ground. Thought I had just twisted my ankle so just strapped myself up and rested it. It now aches badly whenever it’s raining outside and I’m actually convinced I probably broke something in my foot and really should have gone to get it checked out.

As a teen I had a shelf over my bed with a metal reading lamp on it. I caught the cable and pulled it down onto my head, causing a huge dent in the bridge of my nose.

The same part of my nose was already slightly injured after an accident during shooting lessons on a residential camp while at school but nothing to do with the actual shooting of the gun. It was some sort of rifle and you had to fold it to prime it or something (it was over 30 years ago now so I can’t remember the exact details) but as I folded it I whacked it off my face.

I also once closed a door hinge onto my nipple. I’ve never ever felt pain like I did with that one.

The night I met DH he was walking me home, I tripped over my own feet and fell onto the road, scraping a large part of my elbow right across the tarmac. I knew DH was a keeper that first night as he actually picked me up and looked after me. He should have known it was a sign of things to come. 🤣

Edited to add one more: I was an adult and sitting backwards on a chair in my parents’ dining room. I fell off the chair backwards, broke the chair and whacked my head hard off the doorframe so had to go get checked out at hospital. The doctor thought my story was so funny he called in all his colleagues to hear how I had injured myself. 🙈

Managing to drop a cereal bowl right on my big toe nail whilst putting it away from the dishwasher. Ended up bruised black and blue and having to have a minor op and the nail falling off 🙄😌🫣 I still get anxiety now unloading the dishwasher if I am not wearing slippers for some added protection 😂…

As a child playing crazy golf - swung the club back nice and hard into the back of my own head.

At college got knocked off a chair by an Akro scaffolding pole that I hadn't secured and it hit my head. I must have a hard head as I was just a bit stunned.

Staggered downstairs at 6am to make a cup of tea and slipped off one turning stair - my ankle made a horrific noise and I wasn't sure if I was going to be sick or pass out. I tried shouting for DP but he was oblivious so ended up having to crawl up the stairs and dragged myself over the ottoman at the end of the bed to grab his foot as he was still snoring. He shot up in bed and screamed - I had long black hair at the time and he woke up to what looked like the woman out of the Ring clawing at his foot and whimpering.

As it was early and we didn't fancy a trip to A&E at such an ungodly hour, I necked two Ibuprofen with a half finished glass of rose I had by the bed, he got me a bag of frozen peas and we crashed out again, hoping it was just a sprain.

When we woke up again, my right ankle had swollen to such alarming proportions I had to go down the stairs on my backside for the inevitable hospital trip.

After being scolded for taking two Ibuprofen instead of one, had to have my foot manipulated several times because the x-ray wasn't quite right three times, and finally been told it was "just" a stable fracture requiring a boot, the doctor backed me out of the tiny consulting room we were in, swung me round in the wheelchair with my right foot on the outstretched bit right into a metal bin. Love the NHS, but bloody hell.

Also in the 90s, was being starved for surgery in hospital that kept being put back to accommodate emergencies - fair enough. Pre mobile days of course, so my Mum rang the ward to see how it was going. Went to the nurses desk, managed to say "hello" and the next thing I know I'm being brought round on the floor as I'd passed out and gone down hard. Funnily enough the surgery happened pretty quickly after that, but I went home with a stonking black eye.

Baked a loaf of bread with a hard crust and sliced my hand open on the edge of it.

Omg! This happened to me too! We discussed the odds of this injury, and I never imagined hearing of someone else it happened to. Mine was fucking sore and took a long time to heal!

Omg! I think I would have automatically done the same....didn't realise Jet washers were so dangerous!

A head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety after.

The head injury was entirely avoidable and totally stupid. I was filming my eldest daughter when she was climbing up a wooden ladder of a children's play area/wooden tree house adventure type thing. I banged the top of my head on a wooden beam at the top of the ladder...

My DH still has the bloody awful video on his phone with me shouting "ow! Mummy's banged her head!" really loudly. I can still feel the impact of it watching the video back... it was absolutely horrendous having post concussion syndrome for nearly 8 months and it gave me a terrible breakdown. I've never been so ill.

As for the subsequent hell of the awful movement disorder I've lived with for a decade... don't ask. I've never really got over it or fully accepted it.💔😭

This reminds me of the time we got locked out of our house, and DH managed to open the lounge window and lumber through it, only to land bum first onto one of my unsuspecting cacti! 🤣

Luckily he didn't damage it, as it's over 20 years old now so quite a relic! (And he was OK too other than afew prickles 🤭)

I also did it with an avocado too
my GP goes pale when she sees me coming with “I don’t know how but what I did…”

Why just this week I was hoiking my bra up too enthusiastically I suppose; clenched hand slipped and I punched myself in the mouth splitting my lip.

Stood too near the car door when I opened it with gusto. Deep cut on my eyebrow, blood everywhere and now have a Harry Potter type scar. If I'd been an inch and a half taller I would have had my eye out.

Cut my hand when trying to mix a milkshake years ago by holding the handle of a china cup and covering the top.Handle broke and gashed my hand- still have the scar!

Jumped off my bed and landed on a 3pin plug socket...SO painful! And nasty injury to the side of my foot.

And (I didn't 'give myself' this technically) but my daughter caught me right in the eye with a spade at the beach last year resulting in a trip to A&E later that day in alot of pain with a corneal abrasion.

I am quite an accident prone person!
There will have been many more than I am remembering to write here....

Yawned and dislocated my jaw.

I was shaving my armpit and I managed to nip my nipple with the razor., I almost passed out from the blood.
Another time the cotton bit of the cotton bud got stuck in my ear but I imagine that’s a more common one than my nipple! 😅

Tripped on a walk (completely flat and clear path) resulting in dislocated shoulder and fractured kneecap. 6 days in hospital and wires in my knee which often trigger alarms at airports.

Omg this thread makes me scared to live 😅

My mother is a nightmare for this kind of thing.

She was always a bit pissed by Christmas lunchtime back in the day and was taking the Yorkshire pudding tray out of the oven with the smoking hot oil in (ready for the pudding mixture) when the tray tipped and and she went to catch the hot oil in her cupped hand. Many layers of skin lost.

Landed face first in a Tiffany style lamp on the lounge table also whilst slightly pissed as she was running from the loo whilst pulling up her trousers to press record on a programme she wanted to tape (late 80's)

Got pulled up a kerb by the dog. Landed nose first againt a garden wall and sliced her nose off (I kid you not!) Spent many hours in plastic surgery and a week in hospital with her face entirely packed and bandaged.

I am so sorry but that made me lol 😂

Shut my thumb in the car door except I managed to place it so perfectly it was where the pin of the door lock is so the door not only flattened my nail, the pin went straight through it. Indescribable pain and rotten luck!