To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

Sore subject right now haha I collided with a very big dog whilst walking my dog and I’ve fractured my tibia so gotta have an op in the morning to put a plate in my knee . A&E told me it was only dislocated since last week til a doctor looked over my injuries this morning . I’ve been in agony for nearly a week wondering why I’m not feeling any better .

Put my hand down on a mousetrap in the kitchen - mice really have no chance.

Touched an electric fence in a field to see if it was live. It definitely was.

I now have some pretty gnarly nerve damage in my dominant hand - waiting on an MRI to determine exactly how much damage I caused and if it can be fixed…..
But I was making cupcakes and trying to cut a piping tip out of a piping bag. Metal on metal, slipped and plunged the point of a kitchen knife into the webbing between my thumb and forefinger. Knife got stuck in my hand and like an idiot: I panicked and yanked it out 😵‍💫🫣 Kitchen looked like a crime scene.

Black eye from punching myself when trying to open a very rusty rotary washing line. Bruised chin, bitten tongue and cut lip from punching myself trying to open up a stiff, slightly bent clothes airer. Broken ribs from falling out of bed onto a pile of books.

Oh, and almost tore my toenail off when I accidentally ran over it with a rather full, heavy suitcase. DSis had to reposition it straight and put a dressing on to keep it in place!

As a child

• walking along a low brick wall, slipped legs went either side and grazed both thighs from knee to groin.
• unscrewed the bottom of a flask of hot tea, glass side fell out scalding the inside of my thigh; was wearing a ribbed patterned knitted skirt, the scald pattern was striped.
• burned my hand while trying to light the hob with a match - a spark jumped into the barely open, almost full box and ignited all the matches while I was holding it; ended up with my hand in a plastic bag for a couple of weeks while having twice daily burns cream applied to try and avoid skin grafts (I did thankfully).

As an adult

• gave myself a black eye and massive egg on my temple opening car door - was in a parking bay by some shops and trying to get in quickly, caught temple with corner of car door; looked like I’d been punched in the face.
• broke my little toe after catching it on a plastic baby gym leg while babysitting
• fell down a flight of stairs on the way to the toilet in a restaurant in Richmond and bruised my leg from ankle to thigh. Was so painful the next day I couldn’t drive or go to work - and I wasn’t even drunk when I did it.

Caught my sleeve on a door handle, pulled it off in a rage and punched myself square in the tit. Hurt like a bastard, until I did the exact same thing a week later. This time I punched myself square in the already bruised tit. That really hurt like a bastard.

This will be outing...fall on a glass table whilst walking backward trying to take picture of the bride. Got stuck in the said table and had to be pulled out. Yes I had injuries and still have scars

I did exactly this too 😢

Also, as a kid I was pretending to be a horse, tripped over my jump and smashed my teeth and jaw in 😩

When I was about eight years old I somehow managed to staple my two thumbs together. Still not sure how that happened but it was painful!

I tripped on a crazy golf course in the Netherlands, fell forward and rammed the golf club into my neck. It only just missed my larynx. My neck was horribly bruised and it made swallowing almost impossible. I hardly ate anything for days.

Years ago when computer monitors were big and heavy I was talking to my mother on the phone and the cat objected to being ignored. After several attempts at clawing my leg he got cross and tried to climb up the net curtains. Eventually I gave up on my phone conversation and climbed on the table to retrieve the cat. I forgot the table wasn't weight bearing. I fell backwards, the computer monitor crashed into my chest and I hurt my back and broke three ribs. Meanwhile the curtain tore and the very cross cat fell on top of me too.

Ouch, I feel for you. I did something similar, caught my nostril hard with one fingernail as I washed my face and it felt as if I’d ripped my nose open.

Also, when we’d just moved house, I bent down to see why the grill below the gas hob wasn’t lighting and — whooomp — a blast of flame set my hair on fire. I was lucky to still have eyebrows.

Sympathy to everyone else here!

Many years ago DH and I took our DDs on holiday in our touring caravan. It was quite cold at night so I decided to give the girls hot water bottles which were in the bottom of the tall wardrobe, the door of which didn't reach down to the bottom of the cupboard. I fumbled around for the hotties and tried to pull them up (there were spare towels and blankets on top of them). I pulled and pulled and suddenly Wham!! They sprang out suddenly and I hit my nose hard. Four hours later at A&E the x-ray showed I had broken my own nose!!

Emptying dishwasher, forgot I'd left oven door (hinged at bottom) open earlier. Walked purposefully to put something away and into the oven door at speed. Nearly passed out with the pain, oven door was mangled and had to be replaced, I had to stay on floor for quite a while to get my breath back. The entirety of both shins was cut and badly bruised all over. Looked awful and the pain was horrendous. Literally the only bit of me with no fat to cushion it! It was summer so as it took 4 months to fully heal I got a LOT of horrified comments as it all gradually changed colour.

Many years ago, sleep deprived me went for a night time wee in pitch black like I did every night. That night I somehow misjudged the distance from door to loo. Flumped down heavily, missed the loo, cracked my head HARD on the front of it, ended up sprawled on my back in tiny bathroom still in pitch black. Absolutely desperate for that wee by the time I managed to orientate myself enough to actually get up and sit on the loo! I had a massive bump on my head for weeks afterwards. Actually think I had concussion and ought to have got checked as I felt sick and dizzy. Went to sleep, woke up the next day feeling like death. Idiot. 😬

Stuck my toe into the tap while bathing and broke it getting it out. Hobbled about for weeks.

Opening a glass ampoule of an injectable medicine with a blade, sliced through most of my index finger, getting the blade lodged in the bone. This was over 40 years ago and the nerves never grew back, so I have no feeling in the tip of the finger.

Bit of a raunchy one: at 21 got bitten by a tick while having, shall we say, a good time with a guy in a garden, and got tick bite fever. Was off uni for weeks.

When I first began Shaving my legs I always ended up wirh cut thumbs. I thought nothing of running my thumb along the razor blade to get the hair off!

Ooh I also took a chunk out of my thumb! It was about 6 years ago. I was grating cheese and for some reason I didn't stop when I turned to talk to DW, and grated a part of my thumb off.
I now have an odd lump in that place where it healed over.

I once burned both my hands by absent mindedly grabbing the red hot oven try in the oven.

Not me exactly - DW was coming through with soup for us one lunchtime, tripped over the cat and in a panic I reached out to catch her from falling, and ended up covered in boiling hot soup. That one made me scream in agony. I ran into the shower, still fully dressed, and ended up with second (I think?) degree burns on my shoulders, chest, stomach, legs and feet. The blisters were the bane of my life for weeks.

Ooh I have another one! Had a bit of mould on our bathroom ceiling once and used the HG spray to get rid of it. Sprayed the ceiling whilst looking up.
Rinsing bleach out of your eyeballs isn't fun.

It's a toss up between:
A) Getting my toe stuck in the turn up of my trouser leg and spraining both my ankles.
B) Dropping a bottle of fabric softener on the floor and the liquid splashing back up into my eyes.
C) Falling over nothing in a shop and spraining my wrist.
D) Scalding my stomach with boiling pasta water when I poured it down the sink.

I was really stoned, making fajitas, as you do.

Used a sharp steak knife to open the salsa pack and stabbed the skin in between my thumb and forefinger! I could see in to my hand, the red muscley bit like in those weird medical diagrams.

About 10 years ago, I put my then current knitting project down the side of the cushion on the sofa while I went to make a cup of tea. When I returned to the sofa I put my tea on the side table and plonked myself back down on the sofa.

Unfortunately, I sat on a knitting needle which went in my buttock near my back jeans pocket and came out near my front jeans pocket. It went straight through

It didn't hurt straight away.

I managed to get up and (I don't know why) went to the downstairs loo and pulled the knitting needle out (steel 4mm needle). It was agony - hurt 100 times more coming out. It dragged my skin and it was really tough to pull out.

I told my husband that I was going to nip to minor injuries - he said that I was as white as a sheet. He drove me there: I was sat on folded towels in the car.

I was fine - got a bit of iodine on each wound and small dressings. That was it. It just hurt when I walked for a couple of weeks.

I've never put knitting needles, pointing upwards, down the sides of sofas since then.

But thinking about it, I've been using exact same needles today whilst knitting some baby items for my daughter's friend.

More than 30 years ago I was dressing my two year old son on my bed. I was rushing because he had to be at playgroup for a certain time. I finished dressing him and asked him to jump up.

He did as he was told and bounced on the bed when he jumped up. His massive head hit me just in the right spot under my chin and the force lifted my feet off the floor and I was thrown backwards.

Spent the rest of the day in hospital with my newborn daughter (who I was breastfeeding) with a broken jaw which ended up needing a couple of procedures to fix. Totally my fault for rushing, and instructing my son to 'jump'.

Dropped a new reinforced divan bed on my right big toe. Because of Covid it could only be taken to room. They couldn’t put it together. I never ever felt it when it happened. Was that quick and was so shocked. I looked down my toe was covered in blood and nail was half ripped off and sticking up.

I got a taxi to hospital where they decided to numb my toe and remove the nail. Unfortunately for me the numbing injection didn’t work. My toe was numb but could feel the nail being pulled the pain was awful.

So a Dr had the bright idea to get some gas and air from maternity. So yeah I had gas and air to have a toe nail removed. 😂😂😂It really was as much pain as giving birth. Took ages to grow back and still doesn’t look right

Stepped on a sewing needle and it went right through the middle of my second toe and out the other side.

Thought there was a spider on my top when I was getting dressed. Fell backwards in my panic and hit my neck on the corner of the bed. Neck brace for a while and permanent muscle damage.
To top it off I lived with my male flat mate, who came running in to see what had happened. He was also my boss. I had no bottoms on and my top hanging half on half off.

It was fluff. Almost broke my neck for fluff.

Urgh, sympathy for all the nail related stuff, especially toe nails, I'm not overly squeamish but for some reason anything nail related gives me the heebie jeebies. Probably related to the fact that pulling them off has been used as a form of torture.

Solidarity to everyone on here in the "Whoops" Club keeping cheerful in the aftermath even though it must have been horrendous at the time. Glad we've all lived to tell the tales!!

Slipped on some ice, my leg went underneath me and I broke it in 3 places. Six months in plaster cast from hip to toe..... Went shopping in town in the wheelchair. Went down a slope but the brakes didn't work. Nearly went through a plate glass window of a supermarket. Luckily a very kind gentleman stopped the wheelchair in time.....🙃