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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have thrown away some of daughters stuff?

154 replies

yourenotkidding · 26/05/2025 21:40

daughter left home for university in 2016. She came back for 18 months in 2020. Then she left in 2021 and hasn’t been home since. She has lived abroad ever since. When she left, if you were to look at her bedroom, it would look as if she had just popped to the bathroom. She did not clear anything away and the place was a shit tip. Over the last few days I have been through everything that was left here and I’ve thrown away about four bin bags worth of rubbish. Everything that is important has been left here stored under her Ottoman bed. She’s currently in Australia and told me on our last phone call that she had no plans to ever come back. I still feel bad for binning some of her crap. Talk me down.

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 27/05/2025 06:43

Ds bought his first house last week. I had already had a clear out but yesterday went into his old room and got rid of much of the rest. I have kept sentimental things etc but got rid of the canvases from the range, old pieces of tech and clothes he has had the chance to take but never had. Do not feel guilty they have moved on and you cannot keep their rooms as a memorial to their teenage years! I now have a lovely spare room!

historyrepeatz · 27/05/2025 06:36

If it’s just rubbish that has been thrown what’s the problem? Sounds like you have tidied up, not got rid of stuff/ actual belongings?

Cheffymcchef · 26/05/2025 21:44

I would’ve told her first I was going to do a clear out and asked what she wanted kept, based on her coming back to collect it or arranging someone over here (not you) to pack it and ship it to her in oz. I wouldn’t have thrown out stuff without asking first, that is cruel.

sounds like there’s a bit of a backstory if she’s telling you she’s never coming home.

littlemissprosseco · 26/05/2025 21:43

Honestly, I would do exactly the same.
its just stuff, disposable stuff.
She didn’t care about it.
its got nothing to do with your love for her, or your relationship with her.