Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have checked how I am?

107 replies

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:37

Yesterday I was involved in an incident with the police. Basically I was in a car that my friend was driving extremely dangerously and I called the police to stop him. He was stopped and arrested for drink driving (I didn't know he was drunk). I'm quite shaken up and obviously the friendship is over. DP is furious because it was our car my friend was driving, but not once has he asked if I'm OK. I've also had to do a witness statement for the police which wasn't nice because it's against my (ex) friend and emotionally I feel quite upset. DP is barely talking to me.

AIBU to have expected him to ask how I am or at least shown some sort of care about me?

Genuinely don't know if AIBU.

(and oh changed username for this one.)

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/05/2025 22:19

I keep seeing posts where posters claim they're fully comp so covered on any car and, unless there's DOC on the policy, its not true.

Does your friend not have his own car OP?

CC222 · 26/05/2025 22:14

Has your partner ever been jealous of you and this friend or with any male friends of yours?
Irrespective of why your friend was driving (because considering you called the police on him, you clearly wasn’t enabling reckless behaviour), so I’d be wondering if your partners cold response was due to jealousy.
I do think it’s cold for him not to be concerned about the way you must be feeling now. I can imagine you had a massive fright, and also feel a rollercoaster of emotions between knowing you done the right thing, but also knowing that meant your friend being (rightly so) arrested and now the end of that friendship.
You must have been terrified in that moment and I think it’s more than fair to expect some emotional support from your partner in the aftermath.
Is this your partner showing his true colours when a crisis situation has arised? His ego is more important than your safety. Huge red flag 🚩

Springadorable · 26/05/2025 22:14

So did you drive the car to go and meet him? Or he came to yours pissed and then you decided to go to the beach?

Original poster
PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 22:12

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 22:06

If you had been hurt, I'd say he should ask but you weren't. He's probably just irritated by the whole situation.

Did you call the police or did they see you? You've said both

I called them but they said they needed to see his bad driving for themselves before they pulled him over.

OP posts:
AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 22:06

If you had been hurt, I'd say he should ask but you weren't. He's probably just irritated by the whole situation.

Did you call the police or did they see you? You've said both

myplace · 26/05/2025 22:04

The insurance to drive other people’s cars is only third party. So he is covered legally but your car was not. Your car could have been written off and you’d have got nothing.

SleepingisanArt · 26/05/2025 21:59

OP there are very few fully comprehensive insurance policies which cover you driving other people's cars. It used to be common but has been tightened up in recent years and the policies which do allow it are either extremely expensive or are for people in the motor trade. Essentially you could have been being driven by an uninsured driver in your car which means if there had been an accident you were not covered....

Nomad68 · 26/05/2025 21:59

This all sounds quite strange. Why would you go out and let your friend drive your own car in the first place.
Are you a teenager? It all sounds like irresponsible behaviour that you are not taking responsibility for - very immature.Your partner has every right to be furious.

GreenDragonisLoose · 26/05/2025 21:56

You said you called the police, but then you said the police saw you.

👀

CaptainFuture · 26/05/2025 21:56

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:54

He has fully comp so entitled to drive other cars with owner’s permission. That’s what he told me anyway.

Show quote history

Oh dear... is his name Jay Cartwright?...😆

Original poster
PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:55

PeapodMcgee · 26/05/2025 21:53

Has ex friend a history of reckless, silly or dangerous behaviour?

Not that I’m aware of, no.

OP posts:
GreenSkyes · 26/05/2025 21:55

You're story doesn't make sense to me.
YANBU your DP should have asked how you are. It must have been scary.
However, I suspect the story is more than you've told. I've never known anyone to drive someone else's car just for a day out, if they're with them.

Original poster
PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:54

AdoraBell · 26/05/2025 21:50

Is he insured to drive your car?

He has fully comp so entitled to drive other cars with owner’s permission. That’s what he told me anyway.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 26/05/2025 21:54

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:46

I let him drive because I had no idea he had been drinking. I wasn't with him prior to the beach trip.

So he's insured to drive your car?

myplace · 26/05/2025 21:54

Until I could process what had happened, how and why, I probably wouldn’t be able to ask how you are. It’s kind of thing you’d ask when you understand what has happened. What you described is too confusing for that. my brain would be overwhelmed with questions.

whitewineandsun · 26/05/2025 21:53

You let someone drive your car who is presumably not insured to do so. I wouldn't have been chatty, either. You're lucky he didn't smash it.

PeapodMcgee · 26/05/2025 21:53

Has ex friend a history of reckless, silly or dangerous behaviour?

Original poster
PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:52

Notsuchafattynow - what on earth doesn’t add up??

OP posts:
Original poster
PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:51

I’m undergoing eye tests atm because I have some worrying symptoms, hence not driving.

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 26/05/2025 21:51

I wouldn't be talking to you either.

AdoraBell · 26/05/2025 21:50

Is he insured to drive your car?

Notsuchafattynow · 26/05/2025 21:50

Something does not add up with your story tbh. Am not surprised he's not talking.

PeapodMcgee · 26/05/2025 21:49

But why let the ex friend drive, at all? That's not normal, surely? Are you unable to drive at the moment?

I think in your partner's position I'd be pissed off at you for making a reckless decision and not noticing ex friend is a liability. Presumably ex friend has been reckless before?

steff13 · 26/05/2025 21:49

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:46

I let him drive because I had no idea he had been drinking. I wasn't with him prior to the beach trip.

That doesn't really explain why he was driving though. Was he insured to drive your car?

Springadorable · 26/05/2025 21:47

It's pretty odd to take your car and then swap and let a friend drive. I'd be pissed off too, and wondering what the hell was going on to be honest.