To think he should have checked how I am?

I can understand why your partner is furious. I would be too. You are not hurt and he needs time to work through his anger at the situation before he can try and support you.

I suppose this comes down to - are you both okay with the other person allowing someone else to drive the car that you both own without checking with the other person first.

Did the friend meet you there then drive back or drive you there and back?

it’s weird that you let your friend drive your car when you didn’t need to and hadn’t organised it beforehand. The story is
a bit dodgy frankly.

I'm sorry your ex friend put you through this
i do understand why your DP is pissed off but a loving DP would be concerned about you, before his car.
The ex friend is horrible to put you through that especially when he knew you'd called the Police. What a twat he is.

@PoloGirl I'm so sorry you're being quizzed at this forum and very annoyed on your behalf re DH's response. You reacted correctly; to ensure the safety of others and yourself.

are you not living together?

If he has seen you since yesterday, he can see there's nothing wrong with you.

Of course he's furious.

Unless there is history of making poor choices, a DP ought to be supportive when you make mistakes. But the story does sound like a situation that would be unlikely to have just sprung up out of the blue without there being history or some other factor that made it somewhat predictable. So I think there are caveats.

I do think, regardless of what ended up happening that YWBU to allow someone else to drive the car outside an emergency if it does not solely belong to you. I would not be happy about a partner risking our joint property in that way. As others have noted, your friend being fully comp and covered to drive other cars normally only means 3rd party insurance for other cars, which is not a risk I'd want to take with property worth thousands of pounds in order to take the dog somewhere fun. And it sounds like you simply took his word for it that he was covered and didn't delve into the details. But that's the sort of thing to have serious conversations about acceptable risk and agree on what's acceptable, not simply be furious and ignore your partner's need for comfort and care.

Is your friend normally an upstanding guy where this behaviour really was completely out of the blue? And would your DP agree with that assessment? Do you have a history of poor decision making that has put you or DP at risk or cost your DP, financially or otherwise? Because this sort of thing is tough to live with and if that were the case I'd think YABU.

But if there really was no reason to think your friend would ever do that sort of thing and you do not have a history of making rash decisions that later cost your DP, the YANBU. It must have been a shock to you and a partner should be supportive even if everything wasn't ideal. I could see abusive partners being over the top about one off mistakes and it's a worrying that he has no concern for you.

A sensible, rational person who was a good judge of character and good at assessing situations would not allow this to happen. Unfortunately there are a lot of people who are not all or any of these things. That's how things like this happen.

She said she had eye problems and that’s why she let him drive, so I’m sure she trusted this friend. It’s unlikely she would have given this friend so much responsibility to then call the police, if she knew this was likely to happen. Because she would also be at risk of getting in trouble by the police for handing her keys over, if she knew he was plastered

I’d be furious in his shoes, even if part of that fury was at you recklessly putting yourself in danger, totally unnecessarily.

I work in car insurance and even with a fully comp policy driving other cars covers them third party only. The other poster is correct

That's not true at all. I'm fully comp and can drive other cars.

I'm not surprised your partner is annoyed. Change the situation around and ask how you would feel if he had done that? It was incredibly irresponsible.

Mean of him not to check how you are.

Alternatively, maybe partner seen the red flags with the ex-friend and is pissed off that OP let herself get in this situation. I can say with a high amount of certainty that none of my friends would act the way ex-friend has in this situation. Unless you are naive you can usually spot the type of people who would act so erratically.

It is hard to believe your friend appeared sober and sensible, yet 10 minutes later was driving so dangerously for no reason except a high perhaps, but he’d be known for this surely, you’d know he’s a crazy driver. Alcohol in lesser amounts usually causes people to be over careful of speed limits and not that insane, so it either wasn’t just that or he was totally smashed. Otherwise you just don’t know him/his driving at all. So in any of these scenarios 99.9% of folk wouldn’t let him drive their car.
If I had to guess you must all be early 20s - but at any age I’d be absolutely enraged if any of my relatives let such a situation happen. And as long as it was clear no limbs were severed then I’d not bother asking if they were ok before losing my shit over it. I expect your husband is enraged, baffled and waiting for a genuine apology rather than a whine about how bad it was for you - might seem harsh but I’d give a sorry a try. You probably did scare him with how recklessly you got yourself in danger too - cos I’m sure he still cares, he’s just very angry, and I think he’s got fair reason - be sensible about it and he’ll calm down, and be back to being caring.

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.
If I was your partner I’d be annoyed or frustrated at the situation I think.
youve ended up being driven in your car, by a drunk friend and had to call the police. Did the friend come to your house first? How did they get there? What time was all this? You had no idea he’d been drinking? How? It’s pretty obvious most of the time when someone has been drinking.

you’re not unreasonable to want your OH to ask you if you’re okay….but you are okay…you’re not injured. I don’t think the situation is something most people would need emotional support to overcome

Your partner is very unkind, as are many posters on here. The car insurance etc is secondary - you were in very real danger and had to call the police to protect you and others. Anyone who responds to that by being angry is a twat imo.

I am not surprised your partner is furious. Who owns/ drives/ pays for insurance of the car? As a PP pointed out- fully comprehensive insurance usually only provides third party insurance. That’s if he even HAD fully comprehensive insurance- you didn’t check. Shockingly irresponsible behaviour. In the event of an accident “your” car would not have been covered- not a penny. Can you afford to just write off the cost of the car ? Your partner knows you are not hurt. His anger is probably a very understandable mix of anger that you would put yourself in such a dangerous situation, that you had apparently no concern for your car and that you did all that for a “ friend” who could have killed you and others.

So you called the police while sat next to him, and having heard that he carried on driving recklessly for long enough for them to get there and witness his driving for themselves? That's... unusual.

If he were covered it would only be 3rd party, so you'd not have been covered.

You're either very naive or not quite telling the truth.

Does he not have a vehicle? Did he come to your house and then drive your car from there? And he was hammered in the middle of the day? Who is this friend to you and DP?

In the circumstances, I would probably have expected to be asked, but then for him to be furious that I was so irresponsible.

Lots of insurance companies have stopped doing this these days. I'm fully comp but it doesn't cover me on any car, and I mentioned this to a few people at work who didn't believe me, and they've checked and some realised they weren't covered either.

You were in the car with him, called the police, assuming he heard the call, but didn’t slow down ?

yeah get why your other half is annoyed on this, chalk it up to a bad choice on your part and suck it up, shit friend btw x

Makes sense actually!

Hope you're ok OP it's scary isn't it. Happened to me once but they hadn't been drinking thankfully.

Ditch the friend for good and give your partner time to cool off. That's what i'd do.

So you phoned them.while he was driving, and he didn't stop, and carried on to a police chase?

ex friend must have heard you speaking with the police. Why didn’t he slow down at that point? Why did he continue to drive so dangerously when being followed by police?

this is so strange.

im sorry you’ve been through something so scary. And yes, I think your DP should be showing a bit of caring and concern. But he’s possibly as confused at what happened and why as I am.