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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he should have checked how I am?

107 replies

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:37

Yesterday I was involved in an incident with the police. Basically I was in a car that my friend was driving extremely dangerously and I called the police to stop him. He was stopped and arrested for drink driving (I didn't know he was drunk). I'm quite shaken up and obviously the friendship is over. DP is furious because it was our car my friend was driving, but not once has he asked if I'm OK. I've also had to do a witness statement for the police which wasn't nice because it's against my (ex) friend and emotionally I feel quite upset. DP is barely talking to me.

AIBU to have expected him to ask how I am or at least shown some sort of care about me?

Genuinely don't know if AIBU.

(and oh changed username for this one.)

OP posts:
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Riaanna · 29/05/2025 12:31

PoloGirl · 29/05/2025 11:43

Exactly as it happened.

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How did he get to your house?

99sjm99 · 29/05/2025 11:53

What did you say to the police so he didn't notice. When the operator answered and asked which service you need how on earth did you start the conversation?

Hallywally · 29/05/2025 11:48

And your friend was so drunk that he started driving completely erratically and dangerously but showed absolutely no signs of any alcohol consumption at all when he arrived of your house? That’s not how being drunk works. What was the timeframe between him getting to your house and getting in the car? Must’ve been pretty short for him to still have that much alcohol in his system. Did he drive to your house? Whose idea was it to take the dog? Was it in the middle of the day? A very strange story all round.

Original poster
PoloGirl · 29/05/2025 11:43

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 28/05/2025 22:18

So you’re in the car, he’s speeding away, you call the police while you’re in the car with him in earshot, and the cops decide to take the call and drive to a spot along the road where they anticipate you will probably pass, and they sit there to wait for you. And then you pass with the guy STILL driving like a dick? Sure sure, the most believable thing I’ve read in a while Confused

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Exactly as it happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
PoloGirl · 29/05/2025 11:42

therealtrunchbull · 28/05/2025 19:45

If I was your DP I would firstly be angry that you had got yourself into such a stupid situation, and secondly be angry that you are clearly lying about what happened.

I can assure you I am not lying.

OP posts:
IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 28/05/2025 22:18

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 22:12

I called them but they said they needed to see his bad driving for themselves before they pulled him over.

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So you’re in the car, he’s speeding away, you call the police while you’re in the car with him in earshot, and the cops decide to take the call and drive to a spot along the road where they anticipate you will probably pass, and they sit there to wait for you. And then you pass with the guy STILL driving like a dick? Sure sure, the most believable thing I’ve read in a while Confused

GravyBoatWars · 28/05/2025 22:14

As long as your DP knew you weren't seriously injured, YABU. At least until you have apologized sincerely and taken some accountability.

There are still so many holes and unlikely things in this scenario, starting with why this man was driving your (family) car. Why were you not in his car? If you're not driving then he got to your house... how? And you knew him well enough to take him on his word about this mythical insurance and hand over your keys for a 1-1 outing but didn't notice he was well over the legal limit in the middle of the day? He then suddenly turns into this crazy person you've never experienced before, driving double the speed limit despite your pleas to stop and then keeps it up while you call someone and describe exactly where you were, the appearance of the vehicle and what he was doing, continuing until the police tracked him down, observed the driving and pulled him over?

Does your DP know and trust this person? Was he aware of your plans for this outing and ok with it? If you can't drive right now was the car that belongs to both you and your DP impounded? How much did it cost to get it out, and will you be covering that cost without it affecting DP?

I don't blame your DP for being upset. At best this is some truly poor decision making that could have gone horribly wrong and frankly the story stinks.

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 22:03

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/05/2025 21:32

I can drive another car third party only and I didn't ask for it to be added to my policy, it was automatic

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It depends on the company. It's no longer standard across the board

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 22:01

grumpygrape · 28/05/2025 21:04

If we are talking UK the breath limit is 35. You and Google may have found the blood limit of 80 but the OP said he blew so it would be the breath limit.

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That makes sense

Hallywally · 28/05/2025 21:53

Seen the bit about undergoing eye tests. Why didn’t your friend just drive you in his car? How did he get to your house beforehand? You didn’t smell any alcohol on him at all? Was it the middle of the day? Whose idea was it to take the dog to the beach? Why? The whole story doesn’t add up.

Hallywally · 28/05/2025 21:49

It’s a weird situation. Why didn’t you just drive your own car? Feels like there’s something else going on.

lisaolay · 28/05/2025 21:39

FortyElephants · 28/05/2025 21:36

Of course they haven't charged him if he was only arrested yesterday. Charging comes later once they have gathered all the evidence and sent it to CPS for a charging decision.

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They should have charged him for drink driving he blew quite a bit over the limit.

lisaolay · 28/05/2025 21:38

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 28/05/2025 19:24

...taking a car without consent...
Surely this won't stick either, as you gave him permission??
Is 57 high? I've no idea - but if it is, how did you not know?

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Think 35 is the legal limit so yes it is.

FortyElephants · 28/05/2025 21:36

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

Of course they haven't charged him if he was only arrested yesterday. Charging comes later once they have gathered all the evidence and sent it to CPS for a charging decision.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/05/2025 21:32

Fuzziduck · 28/05/2025 18:38

Fully comp no longer means you can automatically drive another car - though you can specifically ask for it to be added.

should have seen his insurance cert before he drove your car tbh.

I can drive another car third party only and I didn't ask for it to be added to my policy, it was automatic

Miyagi99 · 28/05/2025 21:24

Not at all.

Miyagi99 · 28/05/2025 21:22

I’d assume my partner would know I wasn’t okay but was furious regarding the whole situation, including my safety and also that I was in that position in the first place (even if that wasn’t my fault).

Elektra1 · 28/05/2025 21:18

I’d be pissed off if my partner let a third party drive our car because in those circs you only have third party insurance at best - not fully comp (unless for some odd reason your friend is named on your policy). And given what transpired, that was a significant risk to take with your car and your safety. It’s never been suggested to me that I drive someone else’s car, nor have I ever asked to, and I wouldn’t unless it was a dire emergency.

Sherararara · 28/05/2025 21:10

Given that none of this happened, no your DH Isn’t unreasonable to ask if you are ok.
Though I caveat that - perhaps he should be asking instead about your apparent mental health issues.

grumpygrape · 28/05/2025 21:04

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 20:53

According to Google the limit is 80 so at 57 he can't have been drunk as you say.
You gave him permission to drive your car so it's not taking without consent. He had your consent

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If we are talking UK the breath limit is 35. You and Google may have found the blood limit of 80 but the OP said he blew so it would be the breath limit.

ThisOldThang · 28/05/2025 21:03

Are you having an affair with the drunk driver?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 28/05/2025 21:02

This is all a load of tosh.

CaptainFuture · 28/05/2025 20:54

itiswhatitishey · 28/05/2025 19:32

I’m trying to imagine how you’d fake a conversation with the emergency services that made him think you were talking to your daughter, and I can’t

I'm sure there's an episode of 911 about that....

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 20:53

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

According to Google the limit is 80 so at 57 he can't have been drunk as you say.
You gave him permission to drive your car so it's not taking without consent. He had your consent

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 20:36

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

How did your car get to the beach?