DH too strict with DC

Is there not a middle ground between keeping a record of food and obsessing like this DH, and feeding then chicken nuggets in Europe?

I think he sounds amazing. The two of you just have different parenting styles, which you'll have to learn to accept/compromise on.

While some of what he does sounds a little intense, I actually think you're a bit too laid back here. You seem to be quite happy for your 6 year old to struggle with running (a pretty basic skill for a kid) and to leave your 13yo unable to look after her own hair. You're not doing them any favours either being so hands off. Maybe instead of just saying he's too strict, you could have a chat where you try to meet in the middle?

My European friends introduced their kids to every texture and taste when babies, they kept a log, as this father does. That’s how it should be done by dedicated parents, rather than feeding them chicken nuggets or whatever until they’re 15 for convenience.

What he does is not weird, it’s good parenting, much better than what you see these days. OP should give her head a wobble, he’s a better dad than she is.

He sounds very overbearing, recording foods in a notebook is bizarre behaviour. And does your DD want to run better? Spider thing sounds cute on its own but with the other things....yea, he's a bit weird op.

Do the children know the reasoning behind his actions? Is he making it known that the “fun” thing is happening because they’re rubbish at it and they must improve or is he incorporating them into their routine without comments/their knowledge?

Can he accept no ? No I don’t want to play tag, try that hair style, pet the tarantula at the zoo?

Can he accept that they might actually not improve despite all of his and their efforts?

Obviously we’re not there but this doesn’t sound like he is focussing on their flaws, more like he is helping them on the path to (perhaps) success. He probably is overcompensating for his own absent parents.

He sounds fantastic. I would have loved a parent to have supported and helped me so much in areas I lacked skill or confidence in. It's called parenting.

I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand it's brilliant that he cares so much and is actively parenting, helping them overcome things in a fun way. My only concern I think is if they are spending quite a lot of time each day on "improving" themselves, e.g. are they getting the message they're not good enough?

I don’t see any flags here tbh.

You have different parenting styles and I think the first question is probably around how you’re parenting together.

That's not strict, strict would be telling at a 4 yr old for being afraid and refusing to acknowledge it. Making the toddler sit at the table until they try everything on their plate, forcing 10 yr old to go out with terrible hair and refusing to help until they sorted it and berating the other one for losing the race and demanding they improve their running times. He's helping them in positive and interested ways. I don't see the issue

It looks like he's overcompensating and I can see how it would be tiring but he sounds like a great dad that's really involved in his kids lives. He makes it fun and kids seem happy.

How do you feel though? Does it make you feel inadequate or not good enough? I may be totally on the wrong track but maybe this is less about him and more about how it all makes you feel. Do some soul searching and then have a chat with him about how you feel.

He doesn’t sound strict. He sounds like an over thinker and a devoted dad. I don’t think he’s more devoted than you btw, he’s just showing it differently. The spider example is quite sweet. And it’s great he’s taking the 6 year old out for fresh air and exercise- as long as the child is enjoying it and doesn’t feel bullied to be “better”.

Honestly, I’ve learnt myself it’s much better to have a partner and a co parent who sees an issue and wants to solve it (whether it works or not) than one who sees a problem and just moans about it and refuses to do anything other than apportion blame.

In defence of the not giving an option thing I made mine go to a club she was terrified of, she sat outside and cried for 3 months. But when she finally got in for a full session the change was immense. She came, she saw and she bloody conquered. Totally changed her perspective on giving things a go. She went from hesitant and anxious to “fuck it, it looks scary but I’ll try.”

That sounds unkind but she needed to know she can do stuff and that I’ll cheer her every single step of the way. She has choices over what she does but I won’t tolerate not giving it a proper go. She doesn’t have to be perfect at all, but she can improve and thats what we look for progress not perfection. She ended up loving that class, we switched in the end to a different activity but she walked into the next one head held up high and ready to give it her best shot.

He sounds absolutely fantastic!

I think this is fine tbh, DH and I work on stuff with my DD, it’s not about perfection it’s about the confidence to know she can improve at something, she may never excel but she can get better. Your kids are lucky tbh. He’s not telling them they are shit and they have to do better, he’s actively engaged and doing stuff with them to build their confidence.

If you just say “oh well you aren’t good at this thing, don’t worry about it” they are less likely to be able to grow into resilient capable adults. Sounds pretty good to me tbh. I’m going to be brutally honest, he’s a good parent and I think you need to think about what you perceive as kindness is actually harmful to children. Don’t try, don’t improve, don’t have discipline, you are innately good or bad at something, here have an external locus of control, nothing is within your control.

Theres a difference between a demanding parent who shows no affection and offers no help to a parent who encourages children to stretch themselves in a loving and supportive way.

Wow sounds like one of the very best dads I’ve read about on here - or indeed encountered in real life!

What on earth? I thought I was going to read a post about a stern disciplinarian. All these things sound like totally normal examples of a caring engaged parent.

Schoolwork, screen time, and chores, is great to have strict guidelines . Not so much the exercise, but anyway, he sounds much better than some of those deadbeats that don’t have any interest at all. If the kids are happy and don’t complain about him then leave him be .

Have you spoken to him and highlighted that his inability to accept imperfection in his children is likely to cause them to grow up with feelings of insecurity? If so, what was his response?

I don’t know, in some ways it just sounds like he is trying to help them, nothing wrong with teaching your child to run etc. He can’t fix everything for them, maybe gently say one time ‘you know it’s ok for them to be a slow runner, you don’t have to try and fix everything for them’. See how he responds. Has he had therapy re his childhood?

If the kids are taking to it fine then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what he’s doing and with some things, like the spider phobia and the running, could be really beneficial.

The key will be how he responds when he isn’t successful or they start resisting. But it seems like he reads a lot and researches stuff so he’’ll probably handle that by researching and discovering that it’s normal and that it means he needs to back off a bit, praise them for their efforts and give them space to grow for themselves.

Your DH sounds like an involved and creative parent.

One thing I tell myself when my DH gets on my nerves with parenting, I remind myself I don’t have to agree with it all, as long as DC is safe and sound, he is allowed to approach parenting in his own style, same with me.

Does he get annoyed with you being more laid back? If not and the atmosphere is fun, I don't really see a problem. If he is researching how to deal with stuff eventually he will be researching how to deal with teenagers and his parenting style could well change with them as they age.