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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say don’t push children - even ‘adult’ children?

32 replies

Breadcoll · 26/05/2025 20:02

My mum wanted me to go to a Uni far from home to get me away from my boyfriend who she hated even though I wanted to go to uni in my home city - with disastrous results. She also knew I didn’t want to go as I’d directly told her.

Because of this and her generally treating me like a child when I was in my 20s I developed a very serious mental health condition aged 22.

Now I’ve got this all over my medical records where I had previously had no mental health conditions on my records

AIBU to say don’t push kids - especially adult kids - into anything they’ve actually told you they’re not keen on

I couldn’t previously stand up to my mum as she’d been abusive

OP posts:
AnotherNaCha · 26/05/2025 20:42

Hmm see what you’re saying but she’s also an easy thing to blame when things didn’t go well. They could have easily gone worse if she wasn’t involved? You just don’t know. There sounds like a lot of resentment there so hope you can get counselling as I also resented my mum but for the opposite - not pushing me and having zero aspirations for me although I was very academic (she wanted me to work in a shop when I was top 10 percent in maths etc). We need to take responsibility otherwise we start doing things out of resentment and self-sabotage!

Mischance · 26/05/2025 20:39

Do not push children. Quite right. Tell that to the government and those who drafted the National Curriculum. They care not one jot about children's wellbeing.

Original poster
Breadcoll · 26/05/2025 20:36

Bex5490 · 26/05/2025 20:30

Guiding yes…pushing no.

If my child decides they want to go straight into work over uni and they have a good plan, then that’s their choice.

But if they decide they’d like to become an international drug smuggler…different story!

Yes agree with this

when I initially dropped out of school though and started a standard office job - my mum was like a 3 year old having tantrums !

OP posts:
Bex5490 · 26/05/2025 20:30

Guiding yes…pushing no.

If my child decides they want to go straight into work over uni and they have a good plan, then that’s their choice.

But if they decide they’d like to become an international drug smuggler…different story!

Original poster
Breadcoll · 26/05/2025 20:25

Thanks everyone for responding and sorry about your bad experience @AlorsTimeForWine

OP posts:
AlorsTimeForWine · 26/05/2025 20:21

Yabu. shit happens.
And adults do know better a lot of the time.

I chose my university all by myself.
My parents gave me close to zero guidance.
The uni and accommodation i chose were wildly unsuitable / i was unsuited to it and my mental health was dire for a long time as I was SO unhappy.
Annnd i didnt feel i could quit in yr1 as I "picked it myself" i struggled on and ended up redoing a year.
I hated the entire 4 years i was there it aas one of the worst periods of my life.

justasking111 · 26/05/2025 20:17

My three all chose their university. All I said was check how long and how many changes on trains. And how much ££. We did a lot of open days.

You need to be happy in your choice. It's not your parents who will be living the student life.