“Boundaries” dramas

Neither is being U if they have picked separate days to go to a music festival and mutual friends are attending the full weekend.
It's a shame you couldn't all go together/be together but ime groups splinter according to who is on stage at a given time anyway.
YABU however, OP, if you had previously agreed to go with this mate on the Saturday and are now letting them down, albeit in advance, if they already have their ticket. The set lists are given in advance. It's unusual to say "Yes I want to see X too" then do a U-turn that you'd prefer y, unless you have only recently got into them.

This isn't an issue about boundaries. Rita is not asserting a boundary she just wants to go on a different day, but doesn't seem to want to let Sue make the same decision for herself.
its possible Rita is using the language of therapy to disguise her controlling behaviour.

That's the first thing I thought too , now I'll be singing the song all day ... 🙄🤣

I think Rita has been reading too much mumsnet 😆

This. If you planned to go on the first day and then changed your mind because of other friends, that is shitty.

Storm in a tea cup

More just I was trying to accommodate what others wanted but if someone else wanted to assert their boundaries then why shouldn’t I do the same.

I don’t see where you were accommodating others, you prefer the line up for the second day, asked if your friend wanted to join you and she said no. No drama or hard feelings.

I mean surely this isn’t a boundaries thing on either side?

“I’m going to get the tickets to the festival tomorrow for the Saturday.”

“Oh yes the festival I can’t wait! But I’ve seen Harry Styles is playing Sunday so I’d rather go that day now. Do you want to come Sunday with me or would you rather stick with Saturday”

”Think I’d prefer to stay with Saturday thanks as I have work on Monday so don’t want to be tired! Have a great time Sunday!”

Surely that’s the conversation on both sides? No boundaries and no sauce for the goose anywhere to be seen. I also don’t really get what you mean about accommodating others? Aren’t you just accommodating yourself by going the day you want? (Nothing wrong with that at all by the way). But neither people are asserting any boundaries. They’re just going to watch bands they like on a day they want.

It just sounds a bit too intense already just with the planning, the actual event would probably be fraught with tension!

Rita sounds nuts.

Rita is planning to buy a ticket for the first day and Sue was planning similar but now thinks she would prefer the second day due to the acts performing etc.
Did they plan to go to the first day together initially?

Hate the word boundaries. They both have their preferences, for one that's the music for the other it's to stick to the initial plan. Can't Miss second day go to both or would that be upsetting her boundaries?

Are you imagining negativity from ?Rita as you are struggling to set your own boundaries ?Sue?
Carry on as if all is fine.

Sue sounds like one of those people who expect people to change their plans for her, and is now imagining Rita being "off" about her choosing a different day as projection - when the reality is that she, Sue, is the one that feels "off" that Rita didn't change her day for her.

The fact that Rita had to bring "boundaries" into it makes me wonder if Sue attempts to cross them a lot, and so needed a bit of a telling.

If not obvious I’m Sue and had thought what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. But Rita isn’t liking it

I don’t understand this bit, surely you just both buy tickets for the days you want to go - this sounds more like tit for tat which is as childish as “very firm with my boundaries”. Stop making it a competition and do what suits you both.

I arrived thinking it was at least a badly parked car....

Or who’s going first and keeping a leg in their knickers.

I'm not sure Rita understands the concept of boundaries. The problem seems to be all hers so if you were to assert your own boundaries you would ignore the off behaviour.

I thought this was a neighbours dispute about where there fence went…
disappointed

I would never speak to Rita again if she really said she was "asserting her boundaries" 😅 But also, Rita is weird. What's wrong with Sue going on the day she wants me, as Rita as doing the same.

I'm wondering about "Sue was planning similar" in the first para. So Rita had made her plans based on an understanding of Sue's intention and Sue then messed her about a bit. Does Sue have form for this? Is Rita a bit sick of it?

On another point, Rita is very definitely a Mumsnetter. Her response, "Sorry Sue but I’ve just got be very firm on my boundaries right now. That doesn’t work for me” is a textbook MN suggestion on threads about dealing with an inconsiderate friend.

The original post versus later comment makes it hard to know if the original discussion was just talking about the event generally, or agreeing that both would go together as a 2, or if Sue was inviting Rita to join another group. It also sounds like Sue says she wants day 2 for the bands, but actually wants it because that's when the other friends are going. If Sue had directly arranged plans as a 2 for day 1 and then unilaterally changed them to hang out with others, then that would be a bit rude. No need for all the boundaries crap though, "No, I don't why to hang out with Bob" would be clearer.

That’s not a boundary. It’s weaponised pop psych. A boundary is a limit on the behavior you’ll tolerate. Second, if Rita is being firm on her boundaries (that don’t exist) she has to accept the consequences to herself and not be in a snit with Sue.