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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave or stay

58 replies

LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 19:19

Am currently living with the kids dad my step kids all boys 16 30 and 31 this was my first love we had a son together who’s now 19 and he wasn’t part of his life till the age of 13 he had an affair behind his wife’s back he was 34 I was 18 I adored him I still do in my own way I’ve been back with him 6 years and had another 2 miracles now 3 and ten months but do I stay for there sakes I left for 2 months in homeless accommodation it was horrendous so I told him am coming back which he wasn’t tv happy with but let me my daughter turned 3 25th July f last month and a started nursery hence why I wanted to come home so she was settled but no e that am I hes like jecel and hide still wasn’t a to sleep with me also I just feel lost and dont know what to do I struggled with the kids on my own and he just worships his 16 year old with his ex wife he is great with my daughter and the bond is there with my son but he does nothing with him unless asked

OP posts:
Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:23

SilviaSnuffleBum · 26/05/2025 21:01

You got back together with the much older guy who was sleeping with you on the side, who ignored your son for the first 13 years of his life?!

Are you another one of these mums lol politely fk off

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 21:21

ilovepixie · 26/05/2025 21:19

Can’t understand a word of that!

Will people please STOP criticising the OP's writing, she's said she struggles, and is obviously in an awful place, so if you don't understand, please just move on!!

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:20

LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:18

I did work till i had my daughter 3 years ago now am not allowed to I know I have en to leave but am scared

Show quote history

Also the way you have described everything sounds so bad

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 26/05/2025 21:19

Can’t understand a word of that!

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:18

Laura95167 · 26/05/2025 21:10

To an observer you've said:

He had sex with a teenage girl (you) behind his wife's back

He got you pregnant and abandoned you and his child for 13 years

You took him back and had 2 more children, with the guy who abandoned your first one

You are controlled so much you had to beg to visit a grieving friend

The only way he "allowed" you to visit said friend was if you split up and you and his babies were homeless?

He sounds like a bully and pig, and a horrible father. But I am concerned this reads like you lack family and options. Do you work? Do you have somewhere to live if you left again? Do you know your rights in terms of child support?

I do think you need to leave, but i think you need a plan. Have your documents together, maybe have squirreled away some money.. you need to reach out to your friends and loved ones to get away so you and your kids don't have to go back

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I did work till i had my daughter 3 years ago now am not allowed to I know I have en to leave but am scared

OP posts:
Bex5490 · 26/05/2025 21:13

And ignore people who post nasty comments behind a keyboard to make themselves feel better about their own unhappy lives.

Most of Mumsnet is nice 🌺

giggly · 26/05/2025 21:13

NotEnoughtGin · 26/05/2025 21:06

Learn how to use grammar and punctuation. I have no idea how many children you have or really what is going on here. Did you sleep with a man in a relationship? Or did he cheat with someone else?

Either way, you are unreasonable for having children with this man and for continuing to be with this man

Not needed and unnecessarily unkind comment.
was very tempted to use incorrect grammar just to piss you off. Back to the gin for you

Laura95167 · 26/05/2025 21:10

LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:02

Yes all correct I left because I wanted to see my best friend when her mum past but he wouldn’t let me so after about 6 months of pleading to see her I went but wasn’t coping in the homeless system to well with the kids

Show quote history

To an observer you've said:

He had sex with a teenage girl (you) behind his wife's back

He got you pregnant and abandoned you and his child for 13 years

You took him back and had 2 more children, with the guy who abandoned your first one

You are controlled so much you had to beg to visit a grieving friend

The only way he "allowed" you to visit said friend was if you split up and you and his babies were homeless?

He sounds like a bully and pig, and a horrible father. But I am concerned this reads like you lack family and options. Do you work? Do you have somewhere to live if you left again? Do you know your rights in terms of child support?

I do think you need to leave, but i think you need a plan. Have your documents together, maybe have squirreled away some money.. you need to reach out to your friends and loved ones to get away so you and your kids don't have to go back

Bex5490 · 26/05/2025 21:09

This does not sound like someone who treats you how you want (or deserve) to be treated.

You left him because he was controlling first time round and now you say he’s only sometimes nice.

It sounds like you’re with him because you don’t feel like you have anywhere else to go.

Life is shit and hard but there are always options. Google Early Help. They can help sign post you to resources and agencies in your area.

I’m sure other posters know of other helpful resources out there.

Sending love ❤️

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:08

NotEnoughtGin · 26/05/2025 21:06

Learn how to use grammar and punctuation. I have no idea how many children you have or really what is going on here. Did you sleep with a man in a relationship? Or did he cheat with someone else?

Either way, you are unreasonable for having children with this man and for continuing to be with this man

Im not good at spelling or punctuation amd it’s people like you that puts me off posting am looking for advice not be brought down by you

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 21:07

Do you have mental health problems OP? Is this why you're worried about coping?

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:06

ForeverPombear · 26/05/2025 21:05

Ok so it does sound like you know you need to leave him. Is there anywhere else you can go?

Yes but am worried about coping

OP posts:
NotEnoughtGin · 26/05/2025 21:06

Learn how to use grammar and punctuation. I have no idea how many children you have or really what is going on here. Did you sleep with a man in a relationship? Or did he cheat with someone else?

Either way, you are unreasonable for having children with this man and for continuing to be with this man

BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 21:06

He's obviously controlling OP, so my advice would be to leave again. How many of the kids would you need to take with you, and what did you struggle with when you left previously?

Whatever you do, DO NOT sleep with this man, as you'll probably end up pregnant again, and that's the LAST thing you need!

ForeverPombear · 26/05/2025 21:05

Ok so it does sound like you know you need to leave him. Is there anywhere else you can go?

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:05

Bex5490 · 26/05/2025 19:47

Sorry @LostMum7

How many children do you have?

Is this man the father of them?

Is he horrible to be with? If so do you have somewhere you can go?

Hope you’re okay ❤️

3 and sometime he can be nice and sometimes not

OP posts:
Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:03

LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:02

Yes all correct I left because I wanted to see my best friend when her mum past but he wouldn’t let me so after about 6 months of pleading to see her I went but wasn’t coping in the homeless system to well with the kids

Show quote history

Also I don’t know about his wife of kids but the signs were there guess I was just young and in love

OP posts:
Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:02

Laura95167 · 26/05/2025 21:00

So we understand this is a man you had an affair with when you were 18 and he was in his 30s.

You've a teenager together he's not been involved with. And you're now living with him, his kids from his marriage and your 2 little ones. That you left then came back.

But it isn't clear why you left to begin with? Why you don't think the relationship is good?

Show quote history

Yes all correct I left because I wanted to see my best friend when her mum past but he wouldn’t let me so after about 6 months of pleading to see her I went but wasn’t coping in the homeless system to well with the kids

OP posts:
SilviaSnuffleBum · 26/05/2025 21:01

You got back together with the much older guy who was sleeping with you on the side, who ignored your son for the first 13 years of his life?!

BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 21:00

So, please can you clarify for me, how many children are actually in the house, and how many of them are actually YOURS OP?

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 21:00

BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 20:59

OP - Original Post or Original Poster

Thanks lol

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 26/05/2025 21:00

LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 20:55

Dont know how to reply to these as am new to this

Show quote history

So we understand this is a man you had an affair with when you were 18 and he was in his 30s.

You've a teenager together he's not been involved with. And you're now living with him, his kids from his marriage and your 2 little ones. That you left then came back.

But it isn't clear why you left to begin with? Why you don't think the relationship is good?

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 20:59

Pickley981 · 26/05/2025 19:31

I can’t make head nor tail of this

but the gist of it is… bloody hell

Im new to but this so sorry you don’t understand

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 20:59

OP - Original Post or Original Poster

Original poster
LostMum7 · 26/05/2025 20:59

BakelikeBertha · 26/05/2025 20:57

OP, if you want to quote what someone else has asked, in order to answer their question, just click on 'Quote' at the bottom of their post, and then write what you want to say in the new box. Hope this helps.

Thank you so much new to this what does OP mean

OP posts: