Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How did you work out childcare v working hours?

86 replies

Raindropsandroses123 · 26/05/2025 17:06

I’m due to go back to work from maternity leave in a few months and am currently working out childcare v working hours. I have a busy and demanding clinical role in the NHS, however it is flexible and I can wfh 2 days per week and can adjust my working hours around clinical work. However saying that, on certain days there is no flexibility and I have clinics to do. I am also quite senior so I can pretty much quite a lot of say in what I do throughout the day eg clinic timings etc. I work very hard and take immense pride and diligence in my work and patient care, probably to my detriment. However I really value motherhood and want to be present as much as I can. So I do want as minimal childcare as possible, as does my husband.

This is the sticking point…
my husband pretty much wants me to say to work that I’m working more than I am but actually work very minimal during the day so I can pick the kids up. For example on 2 days per week he wants me to actually say to work I’m working a full day but only actually do 2.5 hrs (maybe more in evening) as he wants me to drop the kids off then pick one of them up at 12!! I find this very dishonest but he says if I’m so efficient I can be the work done. I’m not that bloody efficient but also I need to be present. I also don’t want calls when I do have the kids. When I sign off work I want to be finished and not thinking about it when I’m with the kids. Also I find this plan incredibly stressful and would have to work when the kids are in bed, on top of doing housework, meals etc. we have 3 kids btw - all under 4.

I agree with my DH that the childcare has to be around my “9-5” working schedule as he works shifts and is only around a few days per week, when he’s around he plans to help “where he can”.

I want the kids in a little bit more childcare so I can get my work done but I’m trying to find a balance so both aren’t excessive.

This Is causing arguments.

Now my question is not about trying to find solutions about my working hours. It’s about how did you come to the conclusion of what working hours v childcare you have. Was it a joint decision? Was it led by the person who is around more and if so did they call the shots. Anyone in this situation at all?

AIBU? It’s a joint decision and he has as much say as me even though I’m doing the “leg work”?

YANBU? That my DH is calling all the shots but Im doing all the “leg work”?

OP posts:
BusMumsHoliday · 26/05/2025 17:22

This is madness. You will not be a good caretaker for your kids if you're trying to work around them. You won't be a good employee if you're watching your kids. The latter would be bad enough in any role but as you're in a clinical role it's potentially unforgivable.

I have a very flexible job and have on occasion (eg sick kid, important meeting) done a Teams call with them with me, and answered emails as they napped/played. It's never my best work and is just about acceptable where there are few other options. And it feels awful doing it.

If your DH really doesn't want them in childcare, he needs to find another job so he can look after them.

HoskinsChoice · 26/05/2025 17:22

Wow, your husband is a fucking disgrace! He wants you to screw over the NHS and rip off tax payers just so you don't have to pay for childcare. Fuck me, the entitlement of people these days is truly shocking. I despair of where we will end up if someone who is 'quite senior' is even giving this headspace. You should both be ashamed of yourselves for even considering this.

EggnogNoggin · 26/05/2025 17:21

Did I miss somewhere what DH is doing for the childcare?

Auroraloves · 26/05/2025 17:21

Well if you’re working less hours than you claim you are and are getting paid for this is fraud, so don’t listen to your husband.

Original poster
Raindropsandroses123 · 26/05/2025 17:20

Happyasarainbow · 26/05/2025 17:17

You need childcare for all of your contracted hours. There's no way that 3 under 4 will stay quiet for a Teams call, you will get found out very quickly.

I wouldn’t do MS calls with kids around, that would be ridiculous, only maybe if it was nap time and the others are at school or nursery. I wouldn’t be able to work when the kids are around. My husband wants me to squeeze in work around them not with them. There aren’t enough hours in the day.

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 26/05/2025 17:19

Why doesn't he pick the children up and work while caring for them i f it is so easy?

Happyasarainbow · 26/05/2025 17:17

You need childcare for all of your contracted hours. There's no way that 3 under 4 will stay quiet for a Teams call, you will get found out very quickly.

lovehearts88 · 26/05/2025 17:16

Children should be at nursery or other form of childcare whenever you are both working. Sounds pretty dishonest to say you are working more than you are, especially when working for the NHS and it's things like that which will lead to working from home being cancelled for everybody.

ItTook9Years · 26/05/2025 17:14

Ex-NHS HR here.

You’d be absolutely mad attempting this.

UnderTheWaves · 26/05/2025 17:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Funnyduck60 · 26/05/2025 17:11

This is ridiculous. Both children should be in full-time nursery. You have a full time job and minimal help. You will be super stressed otherwise. Don't forget how often your youngest will get ill in the first year either.