How did you work out childcare v working hours?

What’s your DH doing to sort childcare?

he should be making a formal request to fix a least a couple of his shifts / days off

Why is your husband so pushy for YOU to do everything? Full time nursery is the only option.

All drop offs and pick ups are me so I chose the childcare. They do full wraparound because it's impossible otherwise. If my husband wanted them to do shorter days then he would need to be responsible.

What is your dh doing?

I was nhs full time, some days clinical some flexi.

dh and I shared the nursery runs. If I did 7-3 dh would drop offs and I’d pick up. Or I’d do 10-6 and dh would pick up.

only working 2.5 hours on a rostered day will lose you your job if anyone finds out. It’s basically theft, in my job it would be a referral to professional standards and a misconduct investigation. And there will be people who will report you.

you need full time childcare. If I had a half day or a flexible day I’d often pick them up early, but you need the place. Don’t you get a discount for full time any more? Mine 5 days was only marginally more expensive than 4, and the flexibility was a lifesaver.

You can see why so many employers want employees back into the office, can’t you? This sort of piss taking gives home working a bad name. Of course you can’t work with two little children at home. It would be tremendously difficult and you will almost inevitably be caught out when you can’t take an important/emergency call or someone hears Charlie and Lola kicking off in the background.

Tell your DH to take the time off if he’s that desperate to save on childcare. I bet he just likes the idea of the little wife at home, looking after the kids, and making his tea.

You’d be sacked in our place if you had children around when trying to work. How dishonest! When they’re school aged it’s school / breakfast club / afterschool club, and when younger it’s full time private nursery.

That’s fraud

Hi @Raindropsandroses123, I would absolutely not do your partner’s plan it’s very dangerous and could lead to dismissal! I’m due to go back to work soon, my baby will start nursery in early October and I’m currently confirming my new shift pattern which will be part time

No chance. I’m in exactly the same position as you, working 4 days but looking to cut down to 3, but my kids are older now (primary school age), but even then on my 2 afternoons I pick up on a work day, I effectively compress my hours - so do a morning clinic, work solidly through what would be lunch until about 2.30 then rush back to pick up kids from school, then accept that I’ll be doing another hour or so of admin after bedtime.

The things I do to minimise childcare:

• Morning clinics only
• Never take a lunch break on work days
• do 4 variable days (so 9-2.30 or 9-4 without a break) rather than 3 standard days
• Accept that I will do some extra admin work (signing off letters etc) at an unsociable time (evening or weekend)
• Book appropriate childcare when needed so I can be effective and efficient in the time I have

With three under 4 there is quite simply no way you can safely and practicably do clinical work and look after children simultaneously.

Your husband needs a serious reality check..

Don't do this. Being dishonest in an NHS role would end your career if you're found out. Tell DH if he wants that plan then he needs to work it around his work hours. If he can't then more nursery it is x

Many employers insist on outside the home childcare for under 10’s whilst working from home. What part is your DH contributing to organising childcare?

So many threads about this sort of thing. Makes me despair of being able to maintain my hybrid working as clearly too many people are taking it too far.

I have no idea what your DH is thinking but you need to be 100% honest with your employer. If you’re thinking of a flexible working schedule of working around your kids, then you can always ask. I had a colleague who worked 5-7 am, 9-3pm and 10-11 pm or something like that. Was awful for her but she had children with additional needs and her husband had died so I facilitated this. All through HR etc. lying is not going to work out well

What sacrifices to his working day is your husband doing? This needs to be a shared strategy from day one or you’ll be doing it all until the child leaves secondary.

I work as an NHS band 7 with a fair amount of WFH. It wouldn’t work with children around- what happens if someone tries to call you on teams when you’re supposed to be working?

My children and 8 and 10 and I will only work from home with children in the house when it’s an emergency (and I will let my manager know). Only snow days or if someone has been sent home from school unwell. You need childcare or one of you to reduce hours.

Oops meant to click yanbu x

You can’t work while looking after them - you admit that yourself. But pretending to be working? - you WILL get found out, and quickly, we ALL know when someone is swinging the lead when they aren’t responsive and contactable at a time when they are supposedly working.

You’ll then have bigger problems when you lose your job because of it.

You’re ‘senior’ - what would happen if it was one of the people under you and you discovered it. It would be disciplinary at best and instant dismissal more likely.

Since your D’H won’t step up to do childcare you have only 2 options:

1. Put them in childcare for all the hours you work
2. Drop your hours

That will solve your childcare problem. Less easy to solve is a ‘D’H who doesn’t consider himself an equal parent, just a ‘helper’ when it’s convenient for him, as long as it’s not impacting him or his career in any way - oh and one who so clearly doesn’t give a shit about you or your career. Because they obviously are less important.

Why did you have a 4th child in 4 years with this waste of an excuse of a father?

Your kids have to be in childcare for the hours you are working. Looking after preschool kids is a full time job and you can’t do that at the same time as working.

why doesn’t your dh want the kids in nursery? To save money or to spend more time with them?

I am fairly senior and in a clinical role so can’t work from home apart from one day where I do management work and can work from home then. I dropped down to 4 days and worked 9.30-4.30 to allow for drop offs and pick ups. My 2 year old is in nursery 4 days as I wouldn’t even consider trying to squeeze my work at home around looking after him, and my eldest is at afterschool club til 5.30 on my clinic days. I pick him up from school on my WFH days but he is old enough to amuse himself for a couple of hours while I finish off working. My manager is also fully aware that this is my arrangement.

DH is in a role where he can’t do any sort of flexible working so although I now am the higher earner, it is me that also has to have flexibility as he just can’t have set days off or change his working hours at all. He covers more childcare in the holidays and also will collect the children if he gets a half day.

Is he suggests you do non contact / admin hours in the evening after kids asleep? Assuming he is doing all housework and chores that might work. You need a come to Jesus meeting with him where you both lay out everything that needs to be done including childcare AND some rest and leisure for both of you and see how that fits. I did work after kids in bed but had 3 hours during the day when didn’t work.

But in this scenario you're pretending to be working all day, as no employer is going to accept you doing 2.5 hours only during the working day.

What are you going to do when you pick up DC at 12 and then a manager or team member asks for a call at 2, or needs you to look at something urgent by EOD? Moral questions aside, I don't understand how you're going to go offline most of the working day and colleagues won't notice.

Exactly!! Imagine even giving this more than a passing thought at senior level

Completely unfair. It might be worth considering a nanny share but what he’s proposing is both fraudulent and stressful. It won’t work and it’ll be your career that will take the impact

What about looking into a nanny? They can come to the house. You can work 9-5 or even 8-6 and take lunch breaks or collect them and return but you can make those hours hour over an extended day?

You can’t work 2.5hrs of being paid for 8. That’s a ridiculous ask.

It’s a joint decision but ultimately if he’s going to be a knob about you working your contacted hours then you may need to make the arrangements without his input.

Give him the choice of making sensible workable solutions or butting out!

Tell your dh to squeeze his work around the children and only work 2.5hrs one day but pretend he has worked more. I’m sure he wouldn’t be doing it!

I voted you are being unreasonable to even ask the question.
Why is he arguing about it? Your kids go full time childcare so you can do your job.
Is your job not deemed as important as his ?

What he is suggesting is theft of time from the NHS of whom tax payer pay the wages of.

It’s not even a serious question

Back yo the drawing board OP, and your husband can contribute too. I work for the NHS and would be disgusted if any of my team members (especially my seniors ) attempted this