To ask for child maintenance and nursery costs

As the single parent of now adult children, you will have the last laugh here. I know it’s no comfort at the moment but my children are very aware of their Disney Dad’s lack of practical contributions as they were growing up.

Tell him you can’t afford the current arrangements, will be looking for 50:50, and that he will be liable for childcare/nursery on his days.

Mine are teens and they're much loved and valuable hobbies are more like £150 a month each. Their clothes are adult prices ditto shoes. They need an allowance, bus fair, phones (2nd hand android) . It doesn't really get cheaper. CMS is deliberately vague as to what it covers "contribution to essentials" so as long as the child isn't barefoot and starving on a park bench they've done their bit. Contrary to popular opinion not all single mums claim benefits. I earn a good, professional salary, similar to my ex but pay ££££ a month more than he does for their direct expenses. Hesees them about once a month so no actual parenting going on and no he wouldn't ever do 50/50 .

To the people voting YABU - in a legal sense or in a fairness sense? I’m only concerned with the last one

It's pretty irrelevant if some people on the internet think it's fair or not-if that's the law, it makes very little difference.

I would get some legal advice re the mortgage though. If you pay it, but then need to sell at some point down the line, will it be sold and split 50/50?

I would be selling now and separating from him financially-then buy something smaller and more affordable for you.

Hopefully to reassure you, I haven't found this to be the case (yet) with DS7. Breakfast club is £2, after school care is £5 if needed. Football is £3 a session, rugby £150 a year and swimming £30 a month. Honestly the child benefit covers most of his clubs and clothing.

It isn’t fair during the nursery years, but remember it’s the same amount when they’re at school.

It’s not fair. But it’s the reality I’m afraid

I agree she shouldn't, but the law is what it is and has been the same for ages- morals and whatever else don't come into what someone will be legally forced to pay. Id be all for it changing, I think its fair that men pay towards their children, but OP has asked the question and its fairer to be honest rather than lie and say he will be forced to pay half when he wont.

It's not fair. You are not unreasonable to ask, but I wouldn't be expecting or counting on anything above what he is legally obliged to pay. If I were you I'd be making financial decisions on the assumption you won't get a penny more than CMS requirement.

I escaped a DV situation. Was homeless and pregnant. Responsible for all childcare costs, not received any child maintenance to date. The man who abused and raped me is a millionaire.

Well, that “man” definitely moved the goal posts for op. She didn’t expect to be left. And financially, she shouldn’t be left in the shit because of a useless man with a wandering dick!

I honestly don’t get it? Surely changing this would be a win for the government, in terms of the electorate and the economy?

This is the reason why you can claim help with nursery fees. There have been a couple of people who, even on a higher rate tax payer salary, have been able to due to the rest of their coats being high. Plug it all into a calculator.

Obviously no, it isn't fair, but the "choice" (ha) of what childcare to use is seen as the choice of the resident parent. As someone else said, you might decide to hire a Norland Nanny and then claim half. Personally I think if it's the same nursery as when you were together he should pay.

I dont know, I think it should but it doesnt. It has been the same for a fair while so people with nursery age children now haven't had the goalposts moved, and sadly its unlikely to change immediately if ever.

I couldn't agree more, she will likely have to get universal credit to help with nursery costs etc and end up taking tax payers money when there is no need, the Dad here has a good job here and can afford to provide but he chooses not too. They need to change the law on this one.

Legally you wouldn't be entitled to anything other than the CMS, but morally he's a literal piece of shit if he refuses to pay for his child if he can afford too.

Now you are a single parent would you might be entitled to universal credit depending on your wage to help with some nursery costs.

But why does CMS not include nursery fees? It’s an actual, proven cost of having a child?

It’s shocking isn’t it! You could always say to him you have child and I’ll just pay you maintenance based on my salary and have every second weekend. I know you won’t as you are a decent Mother and human being. What is wrong with these men that think this is acceptable

Morally and legally are 2 different things. I don't think its outrageous at all for him to be expected to pay half of nursery fees, but legally he just has to pay the amount CMS calculate based on his earnings.

I’m sure it is. And, from an economic point of view it makes no sense? If he won’t pay half the child care, you will be forced to give up work, claim benefits etc. Instead, the government could force him to pay half for the child he fathered, you could continue to work and pay tax? Who came up with this shit idea??

He is liable for 50% of the mortgage but can also demand the house is either sold now or you buy him out. If he agrees for you to stay on condition you pay the mortgage in full you need to get this as a legal contract so when the house is sold you get the extra equity!

How, in the name of all that is fucking holy, does a man who’s just….left, not have to pay half of the nursery fees? How is the woman (and it’s always a woman!) who has been left, expected to still go to work with no childcare? Or to fund it all? Surely, childcare is a reasonable expensive of having child???

But you can tell him that you’ve now got too many outgoings and you’ve realised you’re credit rating will now suffer because you can’t pay mortgage and childcare. Whether that’s true or not.
The system for maintenance in this country is dreadful.

Legally all he has to give you is what CMS has agreed, if he gives any more then that’s his choice. It’s worth asking.