Posting in AIBU for the traffic as I am at a loss & need support
I have a gorgeous 8 year old boy turning 9. We live in Australia so lots of nationalities and different looking kids.
When he was a baby he had plagiocephaly (head a little uneven on one side from sleep position, but you can’t tell anymore). It is a long story but due to waiting lists by the time we saw someone his bones had set.
I ended up seeing someone privately. I didn’t realise the extent of it and I was sleep deprived and it’s all a blur - probably didnt do the sleep positioning and neck exercises with enough diligence as I didn’t understand entirely the urgency and link between tight neck and sleep positioning. Plus he was so active and had such upper body strength I sort of felt like he was doing the work - physiotherapist agreed when he was a baby. She said not to worry and to just get his little ear fixed when he was older - it’s a tiny bit wonky. I think we required more opinions though early on and help. Feel enormous guilt.
Plastic surgeon said my son’s ear is permanently a little sticky out but that you will hardly notice as he gets older. He is now 8 and it’s a bit stuck out on one side. His head shape is probably slightly uneven but you would never notice as has thick hair and it is not that uneven. . His eye on the same side is also a bit smaller due to mild ptosis - I have looked at Harry styles and it’s not that dissimilar to his asymmetry. The ophthalmologist said it is not that noticeable at all. His GP assures me these things aren’t noticeable enough to get teased. Ear and eye can be fixed with minor operation (ear would be very minor day surgery at this age I think) but I don’t really want to do this unless he says
Son is gorgeous - I know I am bias but he has tiny button nose, thick glossy brown hair, he has a square jaw line, green iridescent unusual eyes that glisten and have flecks of blue and gold. I stress to him looks aren’t important but also remind him he is gorgeous.
Lately He has been extremely down about looks. He says his eye really bothers him - more noticeable when tired. He says that he is ugly and doesn’t like his freckles - he tan on body but face hs light golden freckle on nose (they are adorable) and have spread further on cheeks for our summer. He has two dark brown spots close to ear that he hates. He says he looks ugly wearing the school hat. He is very concerned what girls think - one girl told him he was fat or had a fat nose when he told her he had a crush on her.
DS refusing to wear hat at school as said he looks ugly. He also doesn’t like that his legs aren’t thin like most little boys. He’s sturdy, on the taller side with square shoulders & legs ever so slightly stockier. His Gp not concerned about weight but I do have him enrolled in lots of sport and am cooking more veggies as he is self conscious & probably at higher end (always has been since baby).
It breaks my heart seeing his confidence be impacted and thinking he ugly - his words.
My ex husband is not helpful or supportive and traditional catholic. He wants to home school our son and says it’s my fault for not letting him have authority over these matters. Basically says this is a consequence of sending him to school with children who these days would be a bad influence & what I let him watch. If I go to him for support he basically says this is because I’m not raising him the correct way and he told me so. He also said to just never mention these issues again unless my child does (which he does) and seems like he just wants to ignore the issue.
I am trying to support my son alone but it’s really hard. He doesn’t seem to believe my reassurance or speeches on unique beauty and looks being not that important and everyone having differences. It doesn’t seem to impact him positively.
DS is seeing a psychologist but the sessions are very slow moving - we haven’t got into anything that deep yet & they’re also very expensive.
I would be so appreciative of support
He is beautiful & the eye think is only sometimes noticeable and looks like he is giving a flirty subtle wink when it is noticeable. He’s so lovely & it is painful to see him be so anxious and depressed.