Is this split of household tasks fair?

Foolsonparade · 2025-05-26T13:30:53+00:00

My fiancé and I both work full time. We have set jobs that we both do that are seen as “our” tasks. So I cook and clean the kitchen and DP does everything else. I ended up getting a bit fed up of doing the cooking every single night (on the rare occasion that I won’t be back late, he will cook) and then cleaning the kitchen. So I asked if we could split this instead of it being just one persons task. He argued that those are my only two jobs whereas he does literally everything else. I just feel like “everything else” is not as big of a task as cooking and washing the pots. We don’t have any children, he will clean all other rooms of the house and hoover and do the laundry and clean litter trays. I work hybrid so work from home 2 days a week. This set up has worked nicely tbh because we both know what we are expected to do and just get on with it and are in a routine with it. But would I be unreasonable to think we should take the cooking in turns?

LastPostISwear · 28/05/2025 13:25

Poiuytrewqa · 28/05/2025 13:04

Fritters and mango salsa shouldn’t be anywhere near ceviche. It should be onions, avocado, coriander and sweet potato only.

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That’s your opinion. I’ve had excellent ceviche with salsa and sides other than sweet potatoes.

Edit: I also filmed myself peeling, washing, and cutting a full-sized onion. Not hurrying, so that I wouldn’t cut myself, not going slowly either. 2 minutes 40 seconds. That means if I did two onions (which I sometimes need to do in order to feed… wait for it… multiple people), it would already take me over five minutes just to do the chopping for one vegetable I would use in the meal.

Poiuytrewqa · 28/05/2025 13:04

LastPostISwear · 28/05/2025 02:05

You seemed very insistent that one should just “bung [the food] in the oven” and be done with cooking, in the context of being the one responsible for cooking every day.

None of what you’re describing only takes five minutes.

You can make healthy meals that don’t take long, it’s just that it generally looks, tastes, and satisfies better if you put in a some time and effort to make it in specific ways. Maybe it takes a few minutes to pour citrus juice over seafood for a simple ceviche, but it’s gonna take you longer if, for example, you want to season it, top it with a fresh mango salsa, and serve it with some elote fritters. (Generally people want sides with their proteins.)

Having modern appliance doesn’t mean that the food magically cooks itself, even if it’s easier than having to cook with a literal fire.

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Fritters and mango salsa shouldn’t be anywhere near ceviche. It should be onions, avocado, coriander and sweet potato only.

BIossomtoes · 28/05/2025 10:58

LBFseBrom · 28/05/2025 03:04

You're not unreasonable to ask him to cook sometimes. Can he cook?
My husband and I often cooked together, he loved chopping vegetables and the like. It was fun.

Then he wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask her to do a bit of cleaning and laundry, would he?

LBFseBrom · 28/05/2025 03:04

You're not unreasonable to ask him to cook sometimes. Can he cook?
My husband and I often cooked together, he loved chopping vegetables and the like. It was fun.

LastPostISwear · 28/05/2025 02:07

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 20:36

Just filmed myself chopping an onion to time it. Yes, I know I’m sad.

35 seconds including peeling. 20 just for chopping.

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Post it

LastPostISwear · 28/05/2025 02:05

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 17:57

You’re making things up though, aren’t you? I didn’t say I only ever use one kitchen appliance. I said it takes five minutes to prep some food and bung it in the oven, which it does. It also takes five minutes to crack a couple of eggs and make an omelette. Or to click the kettle on and pour water over pasta. Or to boil some rice or make a stir fry. Or to seer a steak. Or one of my personal favourites - squeezing lime juice over salmon to let it cook in the fridge for ten minutes. Or to throw some roasted veg in a blender. Or fold a wrap around the food.

They are all so, so easy and so, so quick.

The insistence that it’s deeply time consuming to make anything healthy and tasty is a load of bollocks. You don’t have to gently caress your chicken with egg whites or hold your tomatoes up in the sun for two hours to make a quick tasty meal.

This whole ‘it’s hard to cook’ comes from many decades ago before you switched on an oven (or kettle, hob, microwave or slow cooker).

Show quote history

You seemed very insistent that one should just “bung [the food] in the oven” and be done with cooking, in the context of being the one responsible for cooking every day.

None of what you’re describing only takes five minutes.

You can make healthy meals that don’t take long, it’s just that it generally looks, tastes, and satisfies better if you put in a some time and effort to make it in specific ways. Maybe it takes a few minutes to pour citrus juice over seafood for a simple ceviche, but it’s gonna take you longer if, for example, you want to season it, top it with a fresh mango salsa, and serve it with some elote fritters. (Generally people want sides with their proteins.)

Having modern appliance doesn’t mean that the food magically cooks itself, even if it’s easier than having to cook with a literal fire.

GRex · 27/05/2025 20:42

I finally watched the gordon video. My onion bits are about 6* that size. Small, not tiny. Takes about as long as @Poiuytrewqa to chop. I'm happy with the choices and dinner quality. We did order a delivery dinner tonight though. 😄

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 20:36

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2025 23:08

Oh. My link to Gordon chopping an onion didn’t work.

attempt two…

Just filmed myself chopping an onion to time it. Yes, I know I’m sad.

35 seconds including peeling. 20 just for chopping.

faerietales · 27/05/2025 19:22

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 27/05/2025 19:17

I love a good household tasks division! However, sorry OP but it seems very much in your favour already.
We do:
DH: cooking and cleaning up, bins, any house/garden work needing power tools.
Me: all laundry related tasks, meal planning and shopping, tidying, all life/house/DC admin, DC clothes (buying, sorting out, reselling), luggage packing, all light gardening.

For cleaning we have a cleaner

I still feel I have a good deal - but if DH asked me to cook a few nights he would definitely need to take on something else. Would you be prepared for example to swap a night of cooking for washing all linens / making beds?

Edited

Blimey, your DH has it good!

faerietales · 27/05/2025 19:21

Active13 · 27/05/2025 19:13

Each to there own. What works for one family doesn't work for another.
After a 50 hour week I want to check in with my kids/husband not feed 4 people.
The original post was about couples sharing the home life workload.
Not everyone finds cooking easy, quick or enjoyable so families share it or pay for it.
Each to their own....

It was, and OP has a pretty good deal. All she has to do is shop and cook for two adults while her partner does absolutely everything else!

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 19:20

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 27/05/2025 19:17

I love a good household tasks division! However, sorry OP but it seems very much in your favour already.
We do:
DH: cooking and cleaning up, bins, any house/garden work needing power tools.
Me: all laundry related tasks, meal planning and shopping, tidying, all life/house/DC admin, DC clothes (buying, sorting out, reselling), luggage packing, all light gardening.

For cleaning we have a cleaner

I still feel I have a good deal - but if DH asked me to cook a few nights he would definitely need to take on something else. Would you be prepared for example to swap a night of cooking for washing all linens / making beds?

Edited

You think DH has got a good deal?? You’re being jipped.

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 27/05/2025 19:17

I love a good household tasks division! However, sorry OP but it seems very much in your favour already.
We do:
DH: cooking and cleaning up, bins, any house/garden work needing power tools.
Me: all laundry related tasks, meal planning and shopping, tidying, all life/house/DC admin, DC clothes (buying, sorting out, reselling), luggage packing, all light gardening.

For cleaning we have a cleaner

I still feel I have a good deal - but if DH asked me to cook a few nights he would definitely need to take on something else. Would you be prepared for example to swap a night of cooking for washing all linens / making beds?

Active13 · 27/05/2025 19:13

Each to there own. What works for one family doesn't work for another.
After a 50 hour week I want to check in with my kids/husband not feed 4 people.
The original post was about couples sharing the home life workload.
Not everyone finds cooking easy, quick or enjoyable so families share it or pay for it.
Each to their own....

faerietales · 27/05/2025 19:06

Active13 · 27/05/2025 18:57

No, you listed how long it takes to feed 4 animals.
I am referring to humans. Batch cooking takes time....maybe not every night but at some point in the week.
If you work a 50 hour week you may not have the energy or you would rather spend those 20 minutes with your children.
Less judging more kindness.

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But that's the entire point.

If you work a 50 hour week and are shattered then just do something quick - jacket potatoes, beans on toast, a traybake, stir fries, pasta, pan fried fish with veggies and frozen ash, or something.

There's no need to spend ages cooking your dinner at night unless you want to. There are so many healthy, quick,cheap ways to feed a family - it may not be your ideal meal or your favourite thing, but it's perfectly doable.

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 19:03

Active13 · 27/05/2025 18:57

No, you listed how long it takes to feed 4 animals.
I am referring to humans. Batch cooking takes time....maybe not every night but at some point in the week.
If you work a 50 hour week you may not have the energy or you would rather spend those 20 minutes with your children.
Less judging more kindness.

Show quote history

This is what we’re saying though. If you’re working a 50 hour week then just knock up something easy.

Active13 · 27/05/2025 18:57

faerietales · 27/05/2025 18:19

I'm not a personal chef & feeding humans well balanced meals takes longer than 5 minutes.

I didn't say otherwise, I just don't believe people need to spend hours cooking every single night - it's a choice, because they prefer a certain type of food, for example, but it's not a necessity. You can cook quick, healthy meals in less than 20 minutes quite easily, especially if you batch cook things like sauces and just defrost them when needed.

No, you listed how long it takes to feed 4 animals.
I am referring to humans. Batch cooking takes time....maybe not every night but at some point in the week.
If you work a 50 hour week you may not have the energy or you would rather spend those 20 minutes with your children.
Less judging more kindness.

faerietales · 27/05/2025 18:19

I'm not a personal chef & feeding humans well balanced meals takes longer than 5 minutes.

I didn't say otherwise, I just don't believe people need to spend hours cooking every single night - it's a choice, because they prefer a certain type of food, for example, but it's not a necessity. You can cook quick, healthy meals in less than 20 minutes quite easily, especially if you batch cook things like sauces and just defrost them when needed.

Active13 · 27/05/2025 18:15

faerietales · 27/05/2025 15:28

If cooking, cleaning & running a house only takes minutes there would not be such a high demand for quality 'household help'

I think it's more that a lot of people just don't enjoy those things and are happy to outsource them where they can. I would love the money for a personal chef but that doesn't translate to cooking taking hours - it's just I hate cooking, lol.

I also think it's very easy to make one normal task seem like a very big deal by listing out all the separate stages when you're trying to argue your case/

I mean, I feed all four of our animals every morning - if I list it all out:

Come downstairs.
Get the bowls out of the cupboards.
Get the wet food out of the cupboards.
Feed each of the three cats.
Let the dog out.
Let the dog back in.
Give the oldest cat his medication.
Get the cat biscuits out.
Feed each of three cats their biscuits.
Feed the dog his biscuits.
Get the milk out.
Give all the cats some milk.
Let the cats out.
Gather up all the water bowls.
Wash them up.
Re-fill them.
Wash all four food bowls.

It sounds like loads but in reality it takes me less than five minutes.

I'm not a personal chef & feeding humans well balanced meals takes longer than 5 minutes.
I'm not here to judge & neither should anyone else be.

faerietales · 27/05/2025 18:03

LastPostISwear · 27/05/2025 17:08

Off topic, but aren’t most cats lactose intolerant?

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It's cat milk :)

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 17:57

LastPostISwear · 27/05/2025 17:06

It’s on par with spending “5 minutes” on dinner and only ever using one cooking appliance to produce the same kind of meal every night because you don’t want to expend any more effort than that.

And like, that’s fine if that’s up to your standards for meals. You’re only cooking for you, after all. But it’s not up to standards for a lot of people, and therefore they have to put more time and work into it. In the context of this thread, OP might have to cook to higher standards to satisfy her DH, which, if doing night after night, might make one weary. There’s no reason to assume everyone is cooking the same way you are and minimize the amount of work OP (or others) is/are doing, or the amount of value they’re providing to their families. I suspect you’re even minimizing your own efforts just to defend a stance.

Show quote history

You’re making things up though, aren’t you? I didn’t say I only ever use one kitchen appliance. I said it takes five minutes to prep some food and bung it in the oven, which it does. It also takes five minutes to crack a couple of eggs and make an omelette. Or to click the kettle on and pour water over pasta. Or to boil some rice or make a stir fry. Or to seer a steak. Or one of my personal favourites - squeezing lime juice over salmon to let it cook in the fridge for ten minutes. Or to throw some roasted veg in a blender. Or fold a wrap around the food.

They are all so, so easy and so, so quick.

The insistence that it’s deeply time consuming to make anything healthy and tasty is a load of bollocks. You don’t have to gently caress your chicken with egg whites or hold your tomatoes up in the sun for two hours to make a quick tasty meal.

This whole ‘it’s hard to cook’ comes from many decades ago before you switched on an oven (or kettle, hob, microwave or slow cooker).

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2025 17:53

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 13:53

Well if you want to arse about with 100 stages you can’t really complain about the times it takes and it being ‘relentless’.

It’s total martyrdom.

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That was a response to this

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2025 17:52

I haven’t complained. I am happy with my decision to spend a bit longer on prep to enjoy my meal more. As you are with the opposite. Both fine and perfectly acceptable choices.

my initial point was only that the ops dilemma ‘depends’. It depends on the time spent doing each job. Which goes for cooking or cleaning. The longer spent, the better the result. Which she never came back to clarify, possibly because she was bored with the tangent.

LastPostISwear · 27/05/2025 17:38

Also, I could say “it takes an hour to get DD ready for school in the morning” or I could say “it takes an hour to pack her lunch, her bedding, her labeled cup, and her stuffie, to brush her teeth and hair, get her dressed, and feed her breakfast” and either way it still takes an hour.

But somebody else would come along and be like “it takes 15 minutes to get a child out the door in the morning. You’re being a martyr” and then you have to wonder, what all are they doing with their child? Surely not the same things. And that becomes evident if you both elaborate on the “steps.” Theyll also suggest you do the same things as they do to make life easier, but there are reasons to do things the longer or harder way, oftentimes.

LastPostISwear · 27/05/2025 17:08

faerietales · 27/05/2025 15:28

If cooking, cleaning & running a house only takes minutes there would not be such a high demand for quality 'household help'

I think it's more that a lot of people just don't enjoy those things and are happy to outsource them where they can. I would love the money for a personal chef but that doesn't translate to cooking taking hours - it's just I hate cooking, lol.

I also think it's very easy to make one normal task seem like a very big deal by listing out all the separate stages when you're trying to argue your case/

I mean, I feed all four of our animals every morning - if I list it all out:

Come downstairs.
Get the bowls out of the cupboards.
Get the wet food out of the cupboards.
Feed each of the three cats.
Let the dog out.
Let the dog back in.
Give the oldest cat his medication.
Get the cat biscuits out.
Feed each of three cats their biscuits.
Feed the dog his biscuits.
Get the milk out.
Give all the cats some milk.
Let the cats out.
Gather up all the water bowls.
Wash them up.
Re-fill them.
Wash all four food bowls.

It sounds like loads but in reality it takes me less than five minutes.

Off topic, but aren’t most cats lactose intolerant?

LastPostISwear · 27/05/2025 17:06

Poiuytrewqa · 27/05/2025 15:20

If you think living in squalor is on par with making a quick meal then that’s up to you.

Show quote history

It’s on par with spending “5 minutes” on dinner and only ever using one cooking appliance to produce the same kind of meal every night because you don’t want to expend any more effort than that.

And like, that’s fine if that’s up to your standards for meals. You’re only cooking for you, after all. But it’s not up to standards for a lot of people, and therefore they have to put more time and work into it. In the context of this thread, OP might have to cook to higher standards to satisfy her DH, which, if doing night after night, might make one weary. There’s no reason to assume everyone is cooking the same way you are and minimize the amount of work OP (or others) is/are doing, or the amount of value they’re providing to their families. I suspect you’re even minimizing your own efforts just to defend a stance.