To have said no to going over to MIL for dinner last night ?

I would respond with…
“Thank you so much for the video, looks like you had a lovely time 🥳 we’re so pleased for you all. Hopefully next year we can arrange a mutually agreeable time so we and the children can join in the fun. Happy birthday! 🎂 xxxx”

I think it was fine to decline under these particular circumstances. I don’t think you should always do separate things for your SIL’s birthday though. Unless there’s a reason not to participate, whole family celebrations are good for bonding and create nice memories for the children.

It was fine for you not to go.
It was also fine for MIL to send you the video and to maybe a bit upset that her son wasn't there.

It all sounds like a big drama over nothing, tbh.

I stand corrected
If MIL knew this she shouldn't have said anything.

@RampantIvy In fairness to the OP she did state in her 1st post she wasn't well.

@notgoin I think you would have had less grief on this thread if you had stated in your first post that you aren't well.

On the face of it, it doesn't sound like your MIL has made an unreasonable request. All you needed to say was "that doesn't work for us".

Does she even know you aren't well?

Unfortunately, lots of posters will only read your first post then stick the boot in, so please ignore them.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

Perfectly reasonable not to go for dinner so late with little ones.

I’d try to take the video at face value and say you are glad everyone had fun, DC were fast asleep by then but you’re looking forward to catching up soon.

Drip feed incoming!

Try not to worry too much OP. Nothing terrible has happened in the least. Life is just so full on when you have a young family and extended family nearby. It’s a lovely blessing but a tiring one! 😅

This!

constant use of solo 🎻

They were not unreasonable to invite, you were not unreasonable to decline, they were not unreasonable to send the video.

What a drama about nothing.

You didn’t want to go! That’s fine don’t go. Simply saying sorry bit too late for the kids but you guys have fun was enough. If you want it be offended by the video then be offended. Sounds like your in-laws can’t win with you

I personally would have compromised. I’d have told MIL up front that the kids are asleep by 7 or 8 or whenever their bedtime is which leaves room for that compromise: “We’ll come for the afternoon to celebrate SIL. I’m going to get the kids home for bath and bed by 6. Husband will stay on for dinner with the family.”

Easy solution. Everyone’s happy. Birthdays aren’t every day and this is the area where you have to give a little while also setting a healthy boundary.

I’m a much older woman, OP and my kids are grown. But I can feel that you’re spread thin. Nothing’s as exhausting as those early years and you spend so much of your time being active. Also, living near in-laws isn’t a cake walk. Let’s be honest. 😬
It’ll all calm down over the years. But for now, it’s essential to set your boundaries while also giving extended family that bit of loving support. Birthdays matter. Choose your battles. Know when to say ‘no’ but leave room for compromise always.

No one is being unreasonable apart from your use of solo parenting. I’m a lone parent and this gives me the cringe and rage in equal measures.

Just one of those unfortunate things where they couldn’t do early (FIL’s work) and you couldn’t do late (the kids). I feel sorry for the sister though- if my brother was only 10 mins away and declined a family birthday dinner because he’d rather sit on the sofa at home then I’d be pretty upset.

but your h should have gone as he know what his sister and mother are like since it’s only 10 mins away.

Nothing wrong with last minute plans, but no, you never have to go to someone when you're only told the afternoon for the evening.

OP, you may need to expand a little on your situation or you’re going to get a lot of grief here I think.

Your MIL sent an invite, you declined, she sent a video in the family group chat - no biggie, nobody is being unreasonable.

It’s fine that you and the kids didn’t go (it’s too late for kids that age) but your h should have gone as he know what his sister and mother are like since it’s only 10 mins away.

It’s difficult to comment on attending celebrations at MIL’s house. How old is SIL and has she been hosting these celebrations for decades? In which case, of course MIL is going to be thrown by your h suddenly not attending. I assume she hosts a gathering for your h too in which case accepting hospitality when it’s his birthday but not attending other gatherings is pretty rude. How many birthday gatherings are we talking about - more than one a month?

If that's how you communicate with your in-laws? 😂

And taking a video personally? You are being ridiculous.
It wasn't convenient, you said no, stop being a drama queen.

Do you have to celebrate every siblings birthday every year with MIL ? Can we not celebrate it / do something special our own way ?
you are obviously in a very bad mood!

No... But an invite is not a summons. If it was only round the corner I would have popped in for my sister or brother. But then they would not have minded if I could not.

It feels like there is a lot of back story here? Do you want to spill the beans on that? As you have presented it you were invited somewhere - said no, because of kids bedtimes - and a video was shared in a family chat. It all sounds quite innocuous on the face of it. But if there is more context, please share.

@notgoin he had no other plans and they’re obviously geographically close to you. Just seems like a dick move to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ but from the tone of your last couple of replies, you’re determined your MIL is in the wrong and your family is not so I’m not sure what the point of your post was, save for slavish affirmation?