Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find this comment baffling?

58 replies

MissAvainthesun · 26/05/2025 11:37

I’ve been to quite a few baby celebrations recently and find this comment a bit bizarre when people are complimenting the baby.

“Oh he’s definitely…the dad’s he/she looks exactly him” or “there’s no doubt that’s his he/she looks exactly like them”.

I’ve been a bit baffled by it…have I missed something the mum/best friends have slept with someone else and I didn’t know but everyone else does? 🤣 I just find it a bit strange that some people don’t find saying this insulting i.e the person who’s saying it. In this case it was the Aunt and their MIL but everybody around them in agreement and saying yes they really do with no thought of do you hear what this person is possibly insinuating.

I don’t say anything as I don’t want to start anything or upset anyone.

Going to a celebration this afternoon where my friend is the mum and is aware of this type of comment, we are expecting to hear it as quite a few of the people are in the same friendship circle. So, what would you say that wouldn’t cause upset but just to get that person to think about how it sounds?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
YourDearPearlWasp · 10/02/2026 10:30

It's just an expression.

Since a DC comes out of the woman, there would be no question that she is the Mother otherwise people would say exactly the same to women too.

nomas · 10/02/2026 09:31

It’s a throw back to the days when there was no DNA testing etc and people policed women’s bodies a lot more.

I agree with you, OP, it’s a thoughtless thing to say these days. I wonder how many of the people saying it’s fine have said it to their boss or colleagues.

LoveWine123 · 10/02/2026 08:59

It’s just an expression though. People using it are not necessarily questioning the paternity of the child. In the same way that the expression “eating tea” is completely baffling to non-Brits…

The13thFairy · 10/02/2026 08:54

BallerinaRadio · 26/05/2025 11:48

It's just something people say isn't it. Nobody is giving it any thought except you, if you said anything to them they'd think you were the odd one

I knew a baby who resembled his father to such an extent that it looked like he'd passed through his mother without touching the sides. And people did indeed comment on this; one person exclaimed, 'Well, you can't blame the milkman for this one!' And the thing is, nobody was annoyed at this remark. It was said from surprise, and insinuating nothing.

Ukefluke · 10/02/2026 06:21

Its just a jokey way of saying the baby looks like a parent. Its spectacularly dull looking at babies and having to come up with something to say.

SouthernNights59 · 10/02/2026 05:54

For goodness sake, how have we got to the stage where people over analyse perfectly normal behaviour?

It's just something people say and they have been saying it for a lot longer than any of us have been around.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 10/02/2026 02:03

It's hardly a new thing, @MissAvainthesun . It's a lame joke that's become a convention. People said it to me when my kids were born 40 years ago; people said it to my mother about us 70 odd years ago. Doubtless it was said to my grandmothers too. It's really hard to think of what to say about someone else's baby and some people just have to fill the silence and try to raise a smile.

PollyBell · 10/02/2026 01:43

It sounds like you have some issues you need to address, I have a child that looks nothing like me at all and as close to their father as it is possible to get it is a fact not a conspiracy

Firefly1987 · 10/02/2026 01:39

I don't think it's supposed to be a completely literal comment OP!

Hummingbird10 · 10/02/2026 00:17

It's always been said and totally normal and natural. I honestly don't even know why you are asking this? There's nothing insulting.

Thepossibility · 27/05/2025 21:27

Well there really isn't much to say about a baby is there? It's just small talk.
For what it's worth I get it a lot because I have dark hair and eyes and my children are all fair hair blue eyes like DH. So much for dominant genes.They all look like each other and I look like the step mum, I would probably comment too.

Elsvieta · 27/05/2025 20:34

I'm sure I heard once that the world over people are more likely to say babies look like their fathers than their mothers (when obviously babies don't look like anyone until they're older, they just look like babies). Theory was that it's not usually conscious, but it's a way of reassuring the mother that they do believe the father is the real father...

TheBig50 · 27/05/2025 20:33

People don't kkow what to say...

'It's a baby innit?' doesn't seem to cut the mustard either.

I'm not interested in babies, I certainly wasn't doing comparisons with the dad's baby photos when I had mine. Or my own photos . Everyone thought they could see a bit of someone in them though.

I suppose you have to say something.

'Blimey, it's head is massive' doesn't go down well.

Original poster
MissAvainthesun · 27/05/2025 20:22

@Fleamakerthat’s another one that baffles me when people ask are you disappointed it’s a boy? I’ve heard this a few times over the years and think why…just be happy another little life is in the world regardless of gender.

OP posts:
Fleamaker · 27/05/2025 19:06

It's just something people say, a compliment that baby looks like the parent, I've said it myself

Boredlass · 27/05/2025 19:03

Complete overreaction.

Fleamaker · 27/05/2025 19:02

Should say I was HAVING a boy!

Fleamaker · 27/05/2025 19:01

SlightlyFurther · 26/05/2025 15:42

Some people are just stupid and suffer from lack of filter. Comments when DH and I told family we were having DS when I was almost 40 included

‘Was it planned?’

‘You’re the last person I imagined having a baby!’

’An only is a lonely!’

I was nearly 40 too when I got pregnant, my work colleague said congratulations but I'm more impressed you're still having sex, she actually looked really miffed 😂

And then when we found out I was a boy another colleague asked if I was disappointed

People say stupid things, just ignore

TatteredAndTorn · 27/05/2025 18:50

MissAvainthesun · 26/05/2025 11:58

Well thank you for the comments…9/10 I do think it is people just being lovely and not realising. Me and my friend who is also reading the comments will just have a giggle to ourselves after and count how many times we think there is a ‘doubt’ comment.

People aren’t “not realising”. It’s just a mild jokey thing to say while also saying the child looks like one of the parents.L. It’s just a joke. You are overthinking it.

Original poster
MissAvainthesun · 27/05/2025 17:21

Pinkissmart · 27/05/2025 17:20

It's just a thing people say.
They're not going to say ' he looks like a potato, like every other baby on the planet'.
Now THAT would offend!

🤣

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 27/05/2025 17:20

It's just a thing people say.
They're not going to say ' he looks like a potato, like every other baby on the planet'.
Now THAT would offend!

Original poster
MissAvainthesun · 27/05/2025 15:13

Blueskieslookingatme · 27/05/2025 15:06

Dear god, just don't say anything to anyone...ever.
Stay home and just talk to yourself.

?

OP posts:
Wafflesandstrawberries · 27/05/2025 15:12

MissAvainthesun · 27/05/2025 15:06

Yes I understand that however for my post I am referring to comments about dad’s and doubt.

Show quote history

But there is no doubt because it’s just an expression. Using it for mums too makes that clear.

Blueskieslookingatme · 27/05/2025 15:06

Dear god, just don't say anything to anyone...ever.
Stay home and just talk to yourself.

Original poster
MissAvainthesun · 27/05/2025 15:06

Wafflesandstrawberries · 27/05/2025 14:40

Yes, but the fact the expression is sometimes used for mums too makes it very clear that it’s just a colloquial way of saying a child resembles their parent.

No need to read anything more into it.

Show quote history

Yes I understand that however for my post I am referring to comments about dad’s and doubt.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread