Are there people in your life where you just think ‘ I can’t wait until you’re a parent and finally get it and rub that smug look off your face ‘?

Yes, my best friend is a SAHM with 2 primary-age DC and a baby, and I cannot believe the vitriol she gets from other mums. It's nuts. She had a tearful conversation with me about it a few weeks ago, and I also told her the judgement that I've got for working full-time with young kids.

We thought, what situation is 'acceptable' for people? Working part-time? Then your DC are still in nursery. Working full-time? Then your DC are in nursery more often and are 'neglected'. SAHM? Then you are wasting your life and making yourself vulnerable if something goes wrong in the marriage. Working and your parents take care of the kids instead of daycare? Then you're taking the piss because don't you know that your parents have already 'done their time!"'?

Anyway, we concluded the same as you, that we can't win.

If I could have my ideal life, I'd work 2.5 days per week. I love my job but would also like more time with my DC. However, finances mean that I have to work full-time. I try to make the best of it.

This is you actually doing the thing we are talking about! Do you have ANY self awareness?!

‘If ME MYSELF I ever have kids, I will be SO much kinder, gracious and MORE ‘DECENT’ than ALL OF YOU worthless slatterns, you know. It’s just that, when I have the kids that I currently don’t have, I just somehow instinctively know that I’ll just ‘really enjoy’ raising kids. Maybe I’m just better, worthier, more inherently a better parent than all you scrabbling, bitter wretches? Even though I’m not a parent? And you are?’

Do you also feel you’ll just be Kind But Firm, and sense yourself as having a natural empathy with kids?

Wow, you really WILL be so much better as a parent than all of us. When and if you, you know, become a parent.

Similar theme but not the exact same. We have lovely neighbours with one DC and an active healthy grandmother who adores her and used to take her to her house in the country every weekend and school holidays. We have three DC and my husbands parents are dead and my own not up for babysitting (which is fine to be fair they've just retired and my dads health not great). Anyway the neighbours just could not get their head around our lack of availability to just go to the pub for a few sociable drinks. Now we do have great local teenage babysitters but they aren't always available especially if it's a bank holiday or whatever so the neighbours just couldn't understand how we were at home all the time. Anyway now their DD wants to stay home at the weekend and it's their turn to be stuck in and my DD old enough to mind her siblings for a few hours so we are able to get out and about a bit .

BIL has recently had his second and having made an absolute drama out of the first one (refusing to drive anywhere, basically needing 3 adults at alll times to look after 1 baby) I can’t wait to see how having two goes.

Bitchy? Yes. But they were horrible to me when I had 2 under 2 on my own so seems like karma.

I was also a bit like that before having kids. Now I have 3 under 6. Some things I have stayed strict on, like sleeping and food routines. Some things I've completely relaxed, like screen time (lol, I actually thought we could be a screen-free family), extra-curriculars (we don't do any), and fashionable, new clothing (they all wear second-hand or hand-me-downs, in good condition).

I absolutely hate to admit it, but I did feel a sense of 'I told you so' when my BIL and SIL had their baby. They were very judgemental about aspects of our parenting, and would wax lyrical about how they would do it differently to us. However, they have quickly changed their tune now that they have a very strong-willed 2-year-old.

I also didn't appreciate my SIL's comments about me going back to work full-time after having my DC. She has unexpectedly had to return to work full-time due to financial reasons, and she's now sending me sympathetic messages about 'how hard it is to be a working mum' etc. Well, yeah! That's what I was trying to tell you when you were judging me saying 'I could never send my child to daycare, I actually want to raise them myself'. FFS

Anyway, I can relate OP.

Another Childfree bashing thread🙄 Also kinda making a lot of fuss about it if they decide not to have kids. But crack on with whatever gets you through the day

I know, I've already apologised to her...

I don't think you have to have had kids to 'get it'.

What baffles me is the people who don't seem to 'get it' before having kids then act totally blindsided that it's extremely hard work and play the martyr for years.

It WAS sarcasm. The poster who said it was unable to have children herself. I have also been unable to have children. And I have had that exact thing said to me many times. That I will be lonely in old age and how awful my life will be. It’s what a lot of people think. But not what the poster thinks. It’s what she’s had said to her.

No not really. I don't have siblings and both of DHs already had kids, as did almost everyone we work with. Maybe being older first time parents help. Friends are a 50/50 mix but all seem informed.

What I can do now do is understand how ignorant but not ill-meaning I must have seemed before. Nothing terrible just complaining about being tired to colleagues who were parents when I had no idea what real tiredness is.

But I'm very careful to neither complain or gloat, and to be very tactical when answering questions.

I've never had children or given any advice except to say it's a hard job to be a parent as there's no training or instruction manual.

One thing I’ve found slightly irritating is people - usually colleagues or strangers - who assume I must be living some hedonistic life and sleeping in all the time as I don’t have kids. I like early mornings, books and tea and brunches lol no wild child here!

Yes, I once had a colleague scoff when I mentioned cooking. They were like you cook? Err yes, I eat proper meals made from scratch. I think they assumed I lived like a teenager.

Yes!! My brother (no DC) randomly takes a "show you who's boss" strict approach with mine, in an effort to show me how to parent as apparently I'm too lax (based upon his observations in the 2 afternoons a year we all spend together).

Previous example - I was supposedly being a pushover for allowing DC to toddle instead of forcing them into a buggy just after we'd done a 1.5hr car ride. I was perfectly happy to go at toddler pace (wander at a beauty spot), brother wasn't, so my prioritising my child's wishes was down to me being a weak parent.

Come on, OP. Yes, it’s annoying, but you have your DH grace so give it to his siblings. Your DH sounded deeply unpleasant and I bet he upset your sister frequently.

It certainly is. Apologies if I read your other message negatively but there's enough other messages on here that warrant my reply 😊

Are you really telling someone who is struggling with infertility that they are hysterical? And I imagine that poster does give a fuck whether she has kids. Empathy bypass here.

my brothers children are much older than mine and he mostly had a stay at home wife, while dp and I are both full time. Our kids, or some of them, are what many people have called ‘high energy’. Db and I have lived in different continents since I became a parent and recently holidayed together. After a few days he said he rated my parenting ability up a few notches having seen the constant effort it takes to keep dc1 especially alive. Now that was sooo satisfying. I felt seen 😁

My brother who swears blind my son doesn’t have autism he is just badly behaved because I didn’t discipline him enough as a baby

I don’t have children. “Who’s going to look after you when you’re old?” Is a common refrain of some parents. I really hope your IVF works.

im lovely and will reply all I like who made you queen of the world?

Wow! You're a lovely individual aren't you, stop replying to me please.

Bit late now for us, but thanks for the advice