To the people in very long relationships

36 years. Married at 31 and 29.

There has never been any drama.
Marriage is about compromise, deep understanding and seeing each other through difficult times: bereavement, Illness, etc. It's about always being on the same team and rooting for each other.

Love deepens and I love my DH more than I loved him 36 years ago and it was at first sight. More even than yesterday. It's about realising hopes, overcoming disasters and mutuality.

I don't think either of us has hankered for excitement. We're steady people. I don't think I've ever felt dissatisfied with him or my life.

But that’s normal when you have young children and are working - don’t beat yourself up about it and and don’t start thinking that the grass is greener.

Been with dh since I was 19 - 24 years this summer. I was sat in dc’s school hall for a presentation and saved dh a seat next to me. He walked in across the large hall and I saw a hot man out the corner of my eye that made me double take… then realise it was dh. I still love having sex with him but not as regularly or the long sessions we used to. We’ve been through life’s ups and downs together but never been up and down with each other. He really is my rock. I know it sounds cheesy but he’s also my best friend, my cheerleader and the one I laugh hardest with.

DP and I have been together almost 20 years, and have a daughter turning 18 this year. And we love each other, and we're happy.

I'm not going to lie and say it's exciting, of course it's not. After 20 years there's absolutely nothing either of us could do that would surprise the other.

And I'm not going to say I don't occasionally miss the excitement. That feeling of getting to know someone new, finding out what makes them laugh, exploring their body, falling head over heels for them. Just discovering someone new.

But sooner or later that feeling goes away, to be replaced (if you're really lucky) by what I have now. Strong, supportive love with someone you want to spend every day with, who you miss when they're not there (not immediately mind, I love the first couple of days of solitude when she goes away), who you know will stand with you against whatever the world throws at you.

DPs sister will never be in a long term relationship. The first few she had were with such dickheads that it was all drama, all the time, and now she can't separate love from drama. Whenever she meets a nice guy it fizzles out because she gets bored unless they're constantly arguing, or breaking up and making up. (This comes from her by the way, I'm not psychoanalyzing her). She desperately wants what me and DP have, while simultaneously thinking what me and DP have is is the most boring thing on the planet.

It's a trade-off, and I'd much rather the side of the trade that's a bit less exciting, but where I'm happy.

Lolsame. Other people can speak for themselves, and I do dream of time to myself sometimes, but 1) DH helps me to get it 2) I live with my best friend and lover who supports me and knows me inside out and backwards, I'm never lonely, and I get regular great sex. (Plus he's the only person in the world as obsessed with the DC as me.) Like fuck would I want to be out there dredging the godawful dating pool.

Mid 30s and can't be bothered with sex? Yikes. Does your husband feel the same?

I'm late 40s and couldn't deal without regular sex. I was in a LT relationship (12 years) that ended in my late 30s, and we were still having sex 5 or 6 times a week. I actually only stayed with him that long because our sex drives were perfectly matched.

It's not boring!

I absolutely do not dream of being single!

In my marriage we can absolutely dupe that early days feeling of butterflies and lust by doing new experiences together or spending time together
,having deep chats.

We are in the tough raising young children stage so there is lots that is drudgery. We both prioritise our relationship and eachother. We have been through some horrendous times together but that's made us stronger we have a much better relationship now.

What I find super attractive about my partner is that he continues to evolve and is continuously curious about improving things like his emotional intelligence, being a good husband and father, skills knowledge all sorts.

I only have to spend time with some other men to really realise I wouldn't want to be with anyone else it's slim pickings out there for even remotely decent men 🙈

Married people dream of being single. Single people dream of being in a relationship.

It’s definitely still possible to desire someone in that rip off their clothes kind of way (after 25 years) and find them very exciting.
But it sounds like you don’t miss the passion, but the drama. Some people are just like that. If you find this a problem in your life generally or it does start to affect your relationship, maybe try therapy.

Been with DH 50 years, 5 children.

We are best friends and always have stuff to chat about and have a laugh.

Wouldn't change anything

Yours is not a particularly long relationship, OP, but it does sound very normal.
You will go thru times when you absolutely can't stand the sight of each other, but you accept that's just part of taking the rough with the smooth in life.
As your children get older, I would encourage you to find space for yourself - hobbies, volunteering,friends etc, so that you are a true individual, and not just a parent and spouse. It will ensure you don't become too dependent on your husband, and also that you have things to talk about when you do spend time together.
You don't need to be sentimental, but as you get older you will appreciate the peace and familiarity of a long relationship. The grass is not always greener on the other side.....!

I agree.

I think it's normal for relationships to go in ebbs and flows. Your never going to be the same person as you were 10 years ago and nor will you be the same person in 10 years time. People grow, change, life finds a rhythm etc.

The important bit is to work as a team and when life settles down reconnect, have fun together etc.

I've never had drama with my DH it's always been pretty chilled but we have faced tough times together. Some days he does annoy me but I wouldn't change him.

Been married 26 years and it does change over time, you just have to love each other enough to change and flex with life and who you each change into. Neither dh are the same as we were all those years ago. Staying married takes effort and give and take and no it is now not all fireworks and passion but it is love, trust and care. As dc leave home we realise we must work together to have fun and do things again as a couple. It os easy to dream of that first passion but that is not sustainable through a long relationship with all life throws at you but by it becoming something different does not mean the love is less just different. And yes as a menopausal woman my dh breathing does at times drive me nuts!! But I am sure I also annoy him too.

I’m sure you’d be bored in my marriage @Istheremore. We’ve just celebrated our silver wedding and we’re as content as can be. The road to get here has been rocky at times but it’s perfect peace now. We often finish one anothers’ sentences and are never happier than when we’re alone together. The thought of being without him makes me nauseous. Exciting it isn’t, joyous - most definitely.

DH and I have been together 17 years, since I was 17 so just about half my life and im also mid 30’s. I wouldn’t swap what we have now for anything.

It makes a difference though that DH will never leave the house or the car without a kiss goodbye, and now that extends to our 2 children, too. Kisses from everyone and an ‘I love you’ or he will refuse to leave until it’s done. Daft dancing in the kitchen and zero self consciousness when you do or say something embarrassing. Just the permission to be wholly and completely yourself and know 100% that that other person has got you, whether you fall or fly. Coming home late and he’s made tea and the kids are bathed. The completely mundane conversations you have about shopping or weekend plans and you have these short hand phrases for everything so to people who aren’t either of you, it sounds like nonsense but you both know what you mean. The security of knowing he’d help you hide the bodies and never question why you did it. Having someone to do nice things for - someone to send stuff you find interesting or funny or sad to and know he’ll know exactly why you sent it. Pyjamas and big knickers. Shared joy/ dismay when the kids do something brilliant or terrible. Most importantly, never ever feeling like you’re facing anything alone.

I never want to fall in love ever again if it means I can have this, and him, forever.

If they both feel the same way, why wouldn’t it? I don’t know why people think it is the be-all-end-all of relationships.

What he is doing is awful ..
All just excitement & sex I think to him ..
Although when your carrying on like that , I wonder why , what’s wrong that those are your actions ..
Has to be something not right …

All due respect OP, but I think it's pretty telling that you think the positive stories people are telling are about marriages that are "boring". My marriage doesn't bore me. It's my happy place and my safe place. I really enjoy spending time with DH. We still flirt and have fun and spark off each other.

I think you need to do some unpacking of your own baggage around "boring".