To now allow DSs friend over because of pillow fight?

YABU to cancel the sleepover and YABU to use old pillows, which are only heavy because they are filled with the 💩of dust mites! Pillows should be discarded and replaced every 1 - 2 years, at least. Grim.

DH said to just remove the stompers but I feel that is just masking DSs behaviour.

Well, it's solving the problem so it won't happen again. Masking is the wrong word for this too I think. But anyway, YABU. Tell him off and put the fear of god into him so the stakes are clear and there won't any bad behaviour tonight.

Buckwheat pillows? I’ve got a banging Ottolenghi recipe for those along with an alfalfa salad and miso foam.

Straight down to the charity shop really.
Its a good chance to sit DC2 and have a calm talk about his behaviour. Tell him that you were worried about him having a friend over as a result... Get him to tell YOU why he thinks you would be worried.
Basically bore him with conversation...

Make it clear he needs to be on best behaviour on the sleepover and get him to explain what he thinks best behaviour might be what bad behaviour might be. And ask him how he intends to apologise and make it up to his brother, make him think about it. Because he will know if he does it again, he can't write it off as a mishap.

Make it clear you are giving him a chance to redeem himself and he'd better deliver or you would have to consider not planning such nice treats in future ... and also would not feel confident accepting invitations from his friends to sleepovers because you couldn't trust him. This is his chance to prove you can.

They sound very strange, I’d just get rid of the pillows TBH.

I know what you mean. We've got a couple of telly solid, heavy pillows which came with DH, I had no idea that's what they were called. I don't like them, DH loves his though.

Buy your DCs new light pillows, remove the stompers and let the friend come for the sleepover.

Noo, that's a hot water bottle, silly! 😉

Northern what? Maybe she’s southern?

This. What's with the dramatic posts cancelling sleepovers and dance competitions over minor things and then the OPs are so frustrated their kids can't behave when they are being so over the top themselves. Calm down everyone..remove the heavy pillows and stop encouraging any sort of pillow fights. Stay calmer and be more consistent..no of course you don't cancel the sleepover. Have a word. Get everyone to apologise..Then move on...

I would be removing the pillows, they don’t sound ideal to have around children, they will mess about with pillows sometimes even if they know they’re not supposed to. Part of being a child. It doesn’t sound like they were deliberately trying to hurt eachother. Just tell DS2 to apologise to DS1, and take the “stomper” pillows away, then move on.
I also think consequences need to be proportionate- so cancelling a sleepover doesn’t make sense as a consequence and is just way over the top.

I searched for stomper pillow with whatever the amazon fire tablet's search engine is, and the first result I got was this thread 😂

Rough and tumble play is developmentally important for children of both sexes. A pillow fight is a fairly low risk way of having that age appropriate play.

This is totally something my boys would do

Remove stompers and tell dc to wise up

Not because I think they will turn into gangsters. But because they can very easily get out of hand and someone can get hurt or something broken. I don't think you can expect two unsupervised , excitable children having a pillow fight to follow all rules set for them about which pillows they can and can't use.

If the OP is looking for a good new loving home for the dangerous stomper pillows I think I know someone who might be interested…
https://www.tiktok.com/@dylanmulvaney/video/7102974306036010282

Walks away whistling casually…….

You might as well buy a huge sack of popcorn and sleep on that instead. 🍿

Not sure kids need that kind of pillow tbh. Sounds like it's something you might need after a neck/shoulder injury?

I spent a few yrs as a pre-teen chucking all pillows on the floor and sleeping without, and I'm still alive.😁

Sound like buckwheat pillows. They're really comfy once you get used to them and are meant to be better for your neck etc. Putting a soft pillow on top somewhat defeats the purpose.

That, and stealing lunch money...

Go to a supermarket - they pretty much all sell bedding - and buy new pillows.

Chuck the "stompers" whatever the fuck they are, they sound like bricks and really uncomfortable and replace.

Cancel the sleepover anyway. The kids know how heavy these shitty pillows are as they've been using them for a while, so he deserves a punishment for hurting his brother.

MIL can shove her stompers up her arse.

"Personally I wouldn't allow a pillow fight at all "

Yes, you can't be too careful. Pillow fights is how Al Capone got started.

Now I know what a stomper pillow is I can answer.
Remove the pillows, for good.
Tell the kids off for the extreme play and separate them when you hear it getting ridiculous.
Thats it really!!

I think "don't smack each other in the face with the really heavy ones" is something that most kids could get a grasp on. It's more that "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was the heavy one..." is a much too convenient excuse for the one who was losing to pull out.

I think remove the pillows. Cancelling the friend coming over isn't really a related consequence.

So why have them?
It's better to sleep with just one pillow anyway. Sounds like a problem you don't need to have!

I’m guessing either buckwheat or feather (not down) fill. I had feather pillows as a a kid (still do…but different ones obviously) and they weigh a ton. If I was able to get a good swing as a child I won every pillow fight with them because they were heavy!

@CrabbyPaty it was a pillow fight not a knife fight. This is definitely a kids will be kids doing kid things situation. It’s not a punishable offense. I also note there was no mention of punishing DC2 who was also a participant in pillowgate. This honestly is one of those things that should be a word about using advanced weaponry, clean up the blood, and forgotten about.

Don’t cancel the sleepover!