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Original poster

Marriage based on a lie

59 replies

Strongerthanyesterdaynow · 26/05/2025 08:11

I’m in thr early days of a separation.

I had known DH a number of years before getting together. At the time, his ex was pregnant and they were still living together….he promised she was an ex, told me all this stuff about it. I completely fell for it along with the lovebombing, told me they’d only slept together once and had been casually dating.

once our DC was born, the truth came out after a I started questioning his behaviou…they were planning to buy a house together before she even fell pregnant. And, I strongly suspect they were still together when their child was born and shortly after.

I have tried to stay with him in the years after this but I can’t.

Will the fact we got together based on his lies go against him in court…wouldn’t have gone near him if I knew the truth. I’d have ran a mile.

OP posts:
Letsbe · 26/05/2025 08:49

CrazyGoatLady · 26/05/2025 08:36

This is a horrible thing to happen, and he's a shit partner. However, if you're talking about family court, they will only care whether or not he's a shit dad and what's in your child's best interests. Most of the time, it is in the child's best interests to have an equitable relationship with both parents and for the parents to find a way to co parent like adults.

It's understandable you are hurt, but this is something you'll need to get your head around, the court won't be interested in punishing your ex either financially or through contact arrangements because he's a twat and he's hurt you (and someone else, by the sounds of it).

This is very good advise. You cannot change what happened and holding on to it will stop you moving forward. Good luck.

LoveTheLake525 · 26/05/2025 08:48

Strongerthanyesterdaynow · 26/05/2025 08:41

How does abuse and control play a part in divorce?

Will it not?

What abuse?

he lied, you believed him because you wanted to, you got pregnant.

what exactly do you think the courts should take jnto consideration & why?

MereNoelle · 26/05/2025 08:45

Strongerthanyesterdaynow · 26/05/2025 08:41

How does abuse and control play a part in divorce?

Will it not?

In what way? We have no fault divorce now, so in terms of actually getting divorced it’s irrelevant.
Do you mean with regards to financial settlement?

Doggymummar · 26/05/2025 08:43

No it plays no part unless it's the reason you cited. Divorce concentrates on unraveling assets really. And there's no need to go to court. You can do it on line if you agree on the outcome.

Original poster
Strongerthanyesterdaynow · 26/05/2025 08:41

How does abuse and control play a part in divorce?

Will it not?

OP posts:
CrazyGoatLady · 26/05/2025 08:36

This is a horrible thing to happen, and he's a shit partner. However, if you're talking about family court, they will only care whether or not he's a shit dad and what's in your child's best interests. Most of the time, it is in the child's best interests to have an equitable relationship with both parents and for the parents to find a way to co parent like adults.

It's understandable you are hurt, but this is something you'll need to get your head around, the court won't be interested in punishing your ex either financially or through contact arrangements because he's a twat and he's hurt you (and someone else, by the sounds of it).

Elektra1 · 26/05/2025 08:34

We have no fault divorce now. It won’t make a jot of difference to either the divorce or to any disputes over the shared care of a child. Sorry this happened though.

BookArt55 · 26/05/2025 08:31

Plays no part in family court, they care only about what affects the child. Although I understand you feel betrayed, you need to put that energy into other areas. Focus on the present and moving forward for you and your child.

Dollshousedolly · 26/05/2025 08:27

I would imagine it will be totally irrelevant in any court proceedings,