Marriage based on a lie

You sound like you want some sort of revenge - courts will see straight through you, and it will go against you.

They want what’s best for the child.

A fair deal to split assets, both homes accordingly, and split in child arrangements.

You need to see a solicitor.

Not through a divorce settlement or family court you won't.

Look, he's been a right shit, and what you want isn't unreasonable, and it's so understandable you feel like you want acknowledgement of the hurt he's caused. But you may have to find a way of coming to terms with not getting that from him, and nobody else is going to force it out of him either.

He may come to regret not keeping it in his pants at some stage when he's having to pay child maintenance to two different women for multiple children and juggle different visitation schedules!

You need to separate out
the divorce itself
finances
child arrangements.

Abuse makes essentially no difference to the outcome of the first two.

If a parent is abusive in a way which the courts consider would affect their ability to parent, this might “go against them” in child arrangements proceedings such that they get less time with their children or potentially supervised contact or in the most extreme cases no contact.

But that is a really high bar and the courts will generally need to see evidence of the abuse. And even in cases where there has been provable ongoing serious abuse this won’t necessarily affect child arrangements. The courts are now (imo) a bit sceptical of abuse accusations and it can actually hurt your case on child arrangements to make them, particularly if you don’t have evidence from prior to the separation.

And you’re probably right, you wouldn’t be in that mess if it wasn’t for his lies. But the courts can’t get involved in the relationship issues of everyone who applies for a divorce. It’s probably something that would be worth working through in therapy.

The court’s job is to dissolve the marriage, not to ‘acknowledge’ any behaviour. Even if the courts said ‘yeah he was a lying cunt’ (they obviously wouldn’t!), it wouldn’t make any different to the outcome. Either way, you’ll be divorced.

The purpose of divorce proceedings is to unpick the marriage, not to investigate how it came about. Your husband will not be financially penalised for lying to get you into the relationship, nor will you be financially penalised for being naive.

@Strongerthanyesterdaynow What exactly are you worried about? Clearly there is something specific that you want to know about, as to the likely outcome, but without telling us, we can't provide any meaningful advice.

Do you have any children?

In the divorce itself and financial settlement his behaviour will have no impact at all. In child arrangements abuse can do, but generally only if it is documented and proven abuse against the children, not against you. I think you need to be realistic about this, the divorce courts will not give you any revenge, they will not make things fair, they will not punish him. You just need to negotiate a fair financial settlement and a child arrangement order you can live with, and then move forward with your life without him.

Nobody see La the court papers in a divorce, you can divorce on any grounds. But the end result is the same.

What’s worrying you?

Is he a good father to your child?

It seems that you misunderstand what the court is for in a divorce.

It is there to
one - rubberstamp the divorce, i.e. make it legal and official
two - decide on arrangements for the children, if applicable
three - divide up the money and assets and pensions

It is not there to decide "who was in the wrong", as that is irrelevant.

To what? You need to be clear about what you’re hoping for.
With regards to a divorce? No it won’t make any difference. The divorce will be granted either way.
Residency of children? Financial settlement? It would entirely depend on the nature of the abuse, what evidence you have, whether the children are deemed to be at risk etc.

Has he ever been convicted for the abuse or is there an ongoing investigation against him for the abuse? If he is going to be going to prison for example then you will probably be awarded a higher amount because you will be solely responsible for the children with regards to housing them and paying for everything else they need.

In what way? What do you want from the court?

What are you wanting the Court to do OP?
It sounds like you are wanting DH to be ordered to have no contact with his children? Or are you seeking a bigger financial settlement?

Sorry but you do sound like you're trying to get the Court on your side as it were.

Lying to your partner about your circumstances isn’t “abuse”, it’s dishonesty. Did he abuse you in other ways, or is it just the dishonesty you’re hoping will be helpful in a divorce? If the latter, let that go because it makes no difference.

Do you live outside thee UK or Ireland? Because in these jurisdictions, there is no-fault divorce. Which means that WHY you are getting divorced doesn't matter. It won't affect whether you get divorced or not, or the financial agreement, or custody arrangements. So it doesn't matter if he (or you) has lied, been violent, is an alcoholic etc. The divorce happens anyway, and the other arrangements follow a standard process.

What difference are you trying to make? Are we talking reason for divorce, custody of child, keeping the house, financial? You need to be clearer for people to help.

You haven't mentioned control or abuse issues, so is there a back story/drip feed?

We have no fault divorce, so it is entirely irrelevant in court proceedings that he lied or cheated

You didn't mention abuse, you mentioned a lie. In family court the abuse needs to be shown to impact the child... my judge found him to be verbally abusive to me (there was more but not enough evidence) and ex still gets time with the kids. New guidelines state any abuse to the mother does affect the kids whether seen or not,however they will still support contact with both parents. For abuse to be proven you need evidence... which is horrible, not what you want to hear, and doesn't invalidate your experience.
I don't know about divorce courts but assuming that is primarily financial decisions, abuse isn't going to change that outcome. That would be based of income, housing needs etc.

However I should add post separation abuse is real. Read about it. Document everything. Contact a domestic abuse charity as they will be amazing help.

Look there are couples where the man has been abusive to their wives for decades and then tried to kill them, and they still get some of the money and access to their kids in some form in most cases.

What exactly do you mean in any case- go against him? Are you hoping to take all the money/ assets and stop him seeing your DC? In most cases divorces are almost entirely done on the papers unless you really want to spend more than your own financial settlement on legal fees…

What he did was messy and not great but loads of relationships have a dodgy start, especially if he had an ex who we was living with and they were already pregnant. Of course if you can’t accept this and move on that’s your right but it’s not fair to make out like he’s the bastard of the centrury through the courts if this is all he’s done.