Another Wedding One

Jeez, she sounds like a right spoilt brat! You need to tell her not to bother reevaluating the friendship as there no longer is one!.
So sorry about your sister.

Sorry about your sister, an awful time and you shouldn’t have to be dealing with this nonsense from friend, she’s upset of course she is, shes entitled to be upset but she shouldn’t of been so selfish to email this to you given the circumstances.
I would reply because I’d want it to maybe hit her how selfish she is being. I would just say what you said in your OP. Don’t have to jazz it up to be polite or anything like that just give her the facts.

Anyone who can think only of themselves at such a dreadful time isn’t a friend you want in your life.

YADNBU X

Your friend is the ultimate grief vampire she wants to be involved in your sadness like it's her own, I get that you are friends from childhood but I don't think your friendship can be the same after this, your husband is right you don't have to answer her email.

Thats so sad, I'm sorry you and your family are dealing with this. In the circumstances, which I assume your friend is aware of, I would stop contacting her.

She isn't a friend, no friend would react like that.

I hope you have a fabulous day and your sister can both attend and enjoy the day.

Take some lovely photos of your immediate family.

I am so sorry about your sister, I can only imagine how devastated you all must be. I honestly wouldn't even bother replying. She's shown you what type of friend she is if she can't put you first.

Although I’ve just said to remain silent, I do think this one line may be appropriate. Perhaps calling her out, will make her think, although the friendship is ruined.

Firstly, I’m so sorry about your sister, what a devastating situation for your entire family.

I am currently undergoing surgery, 16 rounds of varying chemo, 10 lots of radiation. I have had enormous support from some people, people I wouldn’t really have expected in some cases. However, I have had two of your “friend”‘type reactions……. I am of course evaluating my life currently, including who I actually hold close.

I would also stay silent and withdraw, you don’t need this stress, you need your handheld and to be surrounded by people who love you at this time. She’s not that person.

I wish you and your family, your sister and children strength and love in the coming months.

I’m so very sorry you are going through this.

I probably wouldn’t reply at the moment and leave it for a bit as I’d really want to think carefully what I’d want to say without forgetting anything. @PawsAndTails is something I would probably start with.

My heart goes out to you.

If she is egocentric enough to be even thinking along these lines, any exchange you have will be used as a way to draw your attention from your sister back to her.

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Focus your emotional energy where it is needed, on your sister and your family, and put your friend out of your thoughts until you feel that you have processed the situation you are in as best you can.

If she really was a friend, she will still be there and will have come to your senses, and she will apologise and support you. If she isn't she was never a friend, just someone who saw you as a supporting role in her own life movie and will never accept not being in the lead role. You are better off without people like that in your life.

If I was going to reply at all, it would be a very simple sentence along the lines of-

My sister is dying Susan, how dare you make this about yourself.

She doesn't deserve anything more than that.

I think your best friend is probably genuinely hurt to be dropped from the wedding. Could it be that she sees you as ‘family’ (you are godmother to her child) and now she realises that you don’t view your relationship in the same way? I’d be devastated to be uninvited to my best friend’s wedding as I’d want to be there to support her especially given the sad circumstances. I would have kept quiet in the same situation but it definitely would have hurt. Not because I’m self centred but because I love my friend and would want to be there for her.!

of course, you friend would have been better advised given the circumstances to swallow the hurt and say nothing. And now she has voiced her view you will feel that her response is unsupportive and inappropriate- which you are also perfectly entitled to feel. But I don’t think she necessarily set out to hurt you. I think her response reflects her own view of your relationship which was not aligned with yours.

Such unfair sadness for your family.
Conserve your energy, Op.
You have real problems; your friend is juvenille to the extreme.
Enjoy your big day; hope your beautiful sister can be there.
Ensure the kids still dress up in their finery.

I am so sorry your family is going through this. When my mother was dying, the guy that she overpaid to do her garden (whenever he fucking wanted) sidled up to me at the wake and asked what time “We” were going to the lawyers to have her will read. (Like they do on TV soaps). I was gobsmacked and pointed out that he wasn’t actually a member of her family and that if had been mentioned in it, he would have already been told, turned around and asked my DH to get him to leave.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, can only imagine how hard it is.

While some of the suggested replies might feel satisfying to send, I would opt for silence now. Your fiancé is right, she doesn't need a response, she's made her feelings clear. Leave it at that and focus on your family.

The friendship may be irrevocably damaged, or it may recover. But nothing you say now is going to help, so better to let things lie and see how they come out further down the line.

Fwiw I think your decision on the wedding is wise - I really hope your sister can be there to see you happy. It may be bitter sweet but an intimate family wedding will hopefully be full of love and a special memory to hold onto.

Do you and your “best friend” have close mutual friends? If so, I’d be inclined to forward her email to them, with a brief note explaining you aren’t going to be dignifying her tone deaf, self absorbed waffle with a response but each and every one of them can feel free to tell them exactly what they think of her.

Disgustingly selfish behaviour. Sorry about your sister, truly heartbreaking. I hope your wedding day goes as well as it can.

I'm so sorry about your sisters diagnosis.
Your friends email doesn't deserve a reply.
Silence is golden.

‘I am limiting my definition of family to people who recognise that my sisters terminal illness is extremely distressing.’

What the fuck?!

Is your friend normally so self absorbed?

What she should be doing is asking what help/support she can give you with cancelling and rearranging your wedding.

She has taken it personally. Because she's a selfish cow. It's not about her.