Let me start by saying I’m 27 weeks pregnant and I’m open to all opinions, I’m not sure if this is hormonal or if I’m justified in my reaction.
Went out for dinner yesterday with MIL, FIL, DH & 2 year old DD. Looked at DD and MIL was giving her coke from her glass, I immediately said “no don’t give her dizzy drinks please”, she replied with “it’s just a little it won’t hurt” DD then shouting for more and wouldn’t take her drink, only wanted MIL’s
coke. DH backed me up and said no fizzy drinks.
I went to use the toilet, came back to table and MIL obviously didn’t realise I was stood behind her and AGAIN she was giving DD coke. I just saw red and said “I’m her mum, I’ve told you no now stop” I spoke to her like a child who wasn’t listening. She immediately said “oh sorry it was just the bottom bit mixed with ice”, I explained I didn’t care I didn’t want her having it. (DH had gone to use toilet as well so wasn’t present at the time) and came back to me saying this. He asked what’s happened and his Mum said “annoyed39 is upset because I let DD have the watery coke” again, he backed me up and said that we’ve said no and that’s the end of it. She spent the rest of the meal in silence sulking.
I was neglected as a child, I was given full fat coke to fill me up to replace meals because my mum and dad were too drunk to cook for me. Luckily, somehow my teeth survived without too much damage but I do not want her having fizzy drinks at 2yo. I am not an “over the top” PFB mum, she has a few choc buttons a week for example, she loves some mini cheddars or Pom bears with her lunch.
More things that wound me up at dinner, MIL insisted DD sit in between her and FIL which is fine, means I can eat my dinner in peace and I spend every day with her, it doesn’t bother me that they want to sit next to her but again undermining me, trying to spoon feed her? She’s fed herself completely independently for about 8 months now, of course I cut it up but then she feeds herself with cutlery. I said just let her eat her food. DD was getting frustrated as MIL was holding her cutlery and was eating at the same time so she had to wait until MIL loaded up her fork and feed her. She ended up not eating her dinner because she was just getting impatient/irritated at waiting. DH told her multiple times she feeds herself, she said “she’s my baby I enjoy feeding her” at this point I was just ready to go home, I’d had enough.
She constantly undermines me, it’s like she likes to push the boundaries with me (again childlike behaviour). When DD was 9 months old and dairy intolerant (we have since completed the dairy ladder and she has grown out of it) she gave DD lasagne with mozzarella layered in it and cheddar melted on top. I only found out as DD spent the night puking what can only be described as pure mozzarella (when it goes stringy like on a pizza) and was screaming and crying with stomach ache. She had diarrhoea for 2 days and a rash on her face. I only found out as I asked MIL what she’d had for dinner and she replied lasagne and I said “dairy free?” And she said she thought she could have it cooked 🤦🏻♀️
What do I even do about all of this? Sit down and have an honest chat with her? What will it change as it’s pretty clear she disregards what my DH or I set out in our rules and boundaries? Do I go NC if she carries on doing this? Is that too much?
Has anyone dealt with similar because I genuinely want DD to be close to her grandparents, I don’t have any of these issues with my parents (sober 13 years and know that if either of them relapse it’s not an option to see me or DD any more due to my childhood, clear boundaries set) and they respect our rules. (My mum even called me the other day to ask if DD could have a yoghurt at theirs for example when I was doing food shopping and she was spending time with DD).
What do I do?!