To have two days a week to myself?

Do it. I’m a sahm, one primary aged and one toddler who is hard, hard work. So I have a Pt nanny for a few days of the week. No one has ever said anything to me. If you can afford it, why not

There are 2 people who need to find this an okay setup, you and your dh.
No one else.
i was at home full time when my 3 were small, i was home for over 10 years in all. No one else’s business - worked well for Dh, the dc and I and suited us. I have absolutely no regrets and would do it all over again.
i think my mum had issues with it, made a lot of digs and comments but i was always the one she called when she needed taking to appointments during the week!

Lots of parents do this at my DDs school so definitely pretty normal. The life admin for a school age child is a lot, plus they only do 9-3.
That would be my ideal set up but the nature of my job makes it difficult to do 3 days, plus im a single parent so need the £

It's works well i think. me and dh both do part time (both .7 FTE) , we aren't massively high earners but enough for a pretty decent quality of life. It works so, so well I could never dream of going back full time. I've been promoted during the time I've worked this pattern so it hasn't been a hindrance to me. Ive had quite a lot of comments about when im putting me hours back up but you have to do what works for your family - a good work life balance makes such a difference to your life - both as individuals and as a family unit.

Hell no. I'm 46 with no kids and live alone. I work 4 days a week and I've just put an application in to drop down to 3 days. So if I can do it and not feel guilty then you definitely shouldn't feel bad. I don't have packed lunches to make, school uniforms to wash, other half's clothes to iron, etc. Have your 2 days to yourself to catch up with chores, get ahead with household admin, insurance renewal quotes, etc etc. Take time to recharge and refresh yourself and flipping enjoy your life, it's too short.

Edited to add..... Assuming you can afford it!! I've made cutbacks so I can, and it's well worth it.

Part time working is the ideal,

You are still putting in to your pension and you have a feet on the career ladder,

Yes, I suppose there are less opprtunities to progress as there are less senior roles for part timers (in my work place)

I don't think I could cope in my job full time (demanding, public sector role), so it works well for us.

I know it’s usually the women but my question was why the women and not the man.

It's the gender pay gap too. Dh and I are the same age, have the same qualifications, work in the same industry, I am better at my job than he is at his, he admits this too. But he was paid £30k more than me when we had dc1. The ONLY difference is he has a penis.

So when it came to who would take mat leave and the brunt of childcare it made sense not to lose the higher salary.

I did stay full time though and now out earn him and he now works part time as a result 😁

Because women want to. Recent thread how many women would happily throw in their career to be a sahm. Yet MN would have you believe they are forced to by the big bad husband

Working part time will almost certainly have an effect on her career. I wouldn't say that is ideal. It may be for the best for her family, but that is in large part due to the way society is currently arranged. IMO the ideal would be for both parents to have support to care for their children and progress in their careers. Sadly, many workplaces are far from family friendly and high quality childcare is not always available.

How does your DH feel about being the main breadwinner? Is he OK with that pressure?

One of the reasons I returned to work full time when DT’s were six months (normal maternity leave then) was the impact on my career progression and earning potential if I’d stayed off longer or returned part time. DH was at the end of his time as an A&E doctor before starting his GP training so part time wasn’t an option for him. It’s paid off as we’re now in our mid 50’s and have retired.

I think your thinking is a bit skewed about “fairness” here. It’s about making sure that the family works but also that if a disaster befel you (illness, separation, affair, house flood, car explodes, parents need care) you personally can manage. IMO you absolutely don’t want to be one of those poor people (usually a woman) whose partner treats her like shit but she is “not in a position to leave” because she has no money, can’t scrape a deposit together or afford rent.

Remember 0.6 also means that you’ll be paying less into your pension and national insurance contributions and in reality it will be harder for you to move jobs or get promoted.

I’d personally have a chat with your DH and see if you could both do a 4 day week or compressed week so that one of you gets a day with DH. Or if you’re desperate check that your DH is fine with this (it can be miserable being the main breadwinner) but maybe look at it short term- I did a 4 day week until my youngest was 8 and then moved back to full time but compressed. Very glad I did because he’s now not well and my income supports the family.

DS is 15 and I work 30 hours over 3.5 days a week so have 1.5 days a week to myself. I earn over £50k for part time hours and DH earns more than me so we're not relying on benefits, its all fully funded by us so I don't see an issue.

Follow-on from maternity leave, maybe? DP did a chunk of shared parental leave with DC1 but through circumstance (I was freelance and then the pandemic), I was home a lot for it and still breastfeeding, so he never quite did the solo stint I did. With DC2 he had a four-month chunk at the beginning alongside me, then I did the rest up to 14 months – it’s harder after that length of time to adjust the roles, I think. I’d have hated going from full-time with the kids to full-time at work and was lucky to be able to go part-time. And after so long solo with them, there’s the primary carer factor – it’s taken another year after my return to work for DS to need us equally or to ask for daddy not mummy; and that’s very recent.

Plus financial reasons. Once you’re into the nursery fee and mortgage years, it’s hard for the full-time person to step back from the full-time wage; and for the person who’s maybe stepped off the career pedal for a bit for multiple pregnancies and maternity leaves to suddenly accelerate to equal earning power. My earning power started stalling with pregnancy No.1 for which I was vomiting throughout, then had the colicky, waking-hourly-til-two PND-inducing baby. Got made redundant on maternity leave with No.2 after a worse pregnancy, and haven’t had a sniff of an interview for anything that would approach DP’s wage. He’s never had to just stay afloat at work between vomiting bouts or PGP or the exhaustion of long-term breastfeeding, and now I can’t catch up to his level so he could go part-time. Whereas as a household we’re used to my low earning power after weathering two maternity leaves and a redundancy.

Wonder why in the majority of these situations it’s the women who goes onto part time hours rather than the man?

I did three days a week for years when DS was at school.

I did housework/chores on one day and the other day was MINE.

Fair isn't necessarily the same as equal. I worked less hours and contributed less to the family finances, so in turn I did more of the housework and it was nice to have free weekends as a family, with no piles of laundry etc. I thought this was a fair compromise.

Some will shoot me down in flames for allowing DH to get away with not doing his equal share of housework etc., but we were happy, it worked for us. As long as you and DH are on the same page then don't worry about anyone else.

However, 20 years on and now heading towards retirement, I am regretting I didn't make sure that I kept pension payments to the forefront of my mind. If we had thought about it, DH would have helped me financially to do this.

I worked 0.6 for years, then increased to 0.8 and full time once they went to high school. I did all sorts of jobs that made weekends easier and benefitted everyone. I also saw things at school and was present on the playground.
it worked well for me

I stayed 0.6 when my kids went to school- was lovely to do school runs and see them when I wasn’t shattered, ask about their day, go to the park, time to do play dates, go to school plays etc- all those things count and will be much more memorable that you ‘are there’ so go for it and don’t feel guilty.

when my kids were that young there were two main camps of mums- the completely overworked and everything was a competition how tired they were/how much they did and the sahm who wore gym clothes daily and arranged lunches everyday… there were a only few of us ‘normal’ in the middle who had the balance right and were down to earth. Jealousy is a horrible thing and don't let others limit you in how you live your life.

it’s amazing having extra time for the life admin/cleaning etc and your weekends will be much freeer and you will keep better mh trying not to ‘do it all’.

my kids are teens now and we have a lovely relationship but they enjoy their own space without us, and I really miss the time when they were little- I used to hate people saying this to me but it is actually so true- enjoy the time while you have them and being 0.6 will help with that!

It’s a good balance.
I get chores done so weekends are more relaxed, get time to myself, spend time with friends who also work part time.
You also get to meet the parents of your dc’s friend at school run time and have those days off in the school holidays (if you’re not working in school settings) to do stuff with dc.

I've worked 0.6 since I had my kids. Eldest is now 13 and I have no intention of upping my hours. DH does 0.8.

We found the kids were more tired with school/after school than with nursery - more than 1 setting, more expected of them during the day at school.

The kids needed downtime at home, earlier dinner, a more relaxed evening before bed. The 2 days they're in after school and we're both working were always hectic and they were shattered. Having a few afternoons with a parent at home also means time for playdates with friends, planning appointments so they weren't always in school time (e.g. speech therapy), homework when they're older, instrument practice, and just being together.

On my two days I get a lot of stuff done in the house or garden, as well as my own work (teacher so marking/planning), study (did a part-time MA a few years ago), planning of numerous appointments (dentist/ortho, psychologist, medical appointments), errands like food shop, and also get some down time.

We can now leave DS1 as he's in secondary so lets himself in 2 afternoons a week but they still need us a lot practically, emotionally and to help with supporting self-management and development (ND family). We also both share the mornings so no breakfast club but always 1 of us here till youngest leaves the house at 8:15.

I live in a country where it's very very common for parents to work part-time and continue to do so even when kids are not in primary any more. Less than 20% of staff in my school are full-time!

Of course not. Also, surprised no one (in first two pages) has pointed out that you only get that time to yourself during term time. I’m the holidays you get to spend those days with your children instead of having to stick them into
hiday clubs. 3 days per week is an absolute no-brainer. Better for the whole family, IMO, not to have everyone absolutely flat out constantly

It’s personal preference in a relationship, I am assuming OP has talked about this.

My DH is absolutely fine with me working reduced hours as I support the family in so many ways other than financial working part time. We are happy with the money I bring in. If we needed more money it’s a different conversation.

I think if it works for both you and your husband and you can afford it then go for it. I do my full hours but condensed to 4 10hr shifts so I have a Wednesday and weekend off. I would have liked to go part time but unfortunately we can’t afford it so this feels like a good way to get more days at home for me. My husband does 4 on 4 so my daughter is either with me, my husband or 1 or 2 days with my mam. It’s working well so far.
dont take any notice of anyone’s oppinion, we’re all just doing our best. They are probably jealous

She’s saving the household the costs of wraparound care two days a week and, I would guess, carrying the burden of household stuff on those two days. And bringing in 0.6 FTE. No one’s “carrying” anyone.

Sounds good, OP – I would say that most parents of little kids don’t get downtime though! And if you have further children… I do 0.6 but split over four days to do school pickup, which means racing out the door after my last meeting; then on the remaining day “off” I’m with nursery-age DS. There’s zero downtime! Would love to up my hours for financial reasons but school is more tiring than nursery, I’ve found: they need more winding down time afterwards, time to run around and the free play they’re missing out on in school (they get a bit of this at after-school club but less fresh air in winter/rain than I can enforce at home), reading, homework.

You may find your two days “off” – depending on how long it takes you to get back after drop-off and when you need to set off for pick-up, it’s more like five hours – get eaten up with household stuff and the kind of going-to-the-tip chores everyone else has to punt to the weekend. So 60% pay but the same lack of downtime, really.