Page 2 | 7 year old won’t tell me what she plays with friend

Isitbathorbarth · 2025-05-25T19:00:35+00:00

Dd, almost 7 has a neighbourhood friend she plays with at weekends, he comes to our house and she goes to their house. Recently when I ask her what they placed (just general conversation/interest in her life) she says she doesn’t want to tell me what she plays and wants me to stop always asking, she gets quite cross. Am I being too pushy, why not tell me?

Original poster

Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:35

She goes to another neighbours house too, I might casually ask what she plays with her and see if it’s a similar response. I have a feeling she’s a bit embarrassed or thinks I won’t approve of gun/fighting type games that this boy does, i’m not sure. I’ve said to her i’m only interested that’s all and she can always say what she plays to me

OP posts:

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:27

LoopyLou94 · 25/05/2025 20:12

Totally agree with second paragraph. I think getting annoyed and wanting mum to stop asking are red flags and I'd be enquiring further

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@Isitbathorbarth Google secrets vs surprises vs privacy - loads of really helpful stuff online to help you talk to your DD about. I remember my DD getting the difference very quickly. It's a good age to be learning about it.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 25/05/2025 20:12

Maybe she sees her play as her own business and way of finding her voice in the world and she wants to keep that away from you. Or maybe she plays silly games she is embarrassed to admit in case you think they are too babyish. Hopefully it's just an innocent explanation. I wonder do you have a way of trying to influence her play sometimes by making suggestions or brushing off ideas she has, (I think many parents do this) it might make her defensive and secretive about what she does.

LoopyLou94 · 25/05/2025 20:12

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:08

@LoopyLou94 I'm not 100% sure that's true - at 7yo they might have very unstructured play and OP's DD isn't able to articulate what they are actually doing. At 7 DD was sort of just bimbling around with friends without any specific "play" scenario. I saw a lot of it and would have struggled as an adult to articulate what they were doing, let alone expecting a 7yo to.

I get people wanting to know for safety reasons (and a lot depends on supervision) but I think the more helpful thing for the OP to understand is whether anyone is telling the DD that it's a secret. There's good stuff online about how to talk to your child about people who ask them to keep secrets, especially adults (vs suprises).

Totally agree with second paragraph. I think getting annoyed and wanting mum to stop asking are red flags and I'd be enquiring further

EsmeSusanOgg · 25/05/2025 20:08

My Spidey senses would be tingling at that. Not a usual response from a 7 year old.

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:08

@LoopyLou94 I'm not 100% sure that's true - at 7yo they might have very unstructured play and OP's DD isn't able to articulate what they are actually doing. At 7 DD was sort of just bimbling around with friends without any specific "play" scenario. I saw a lot of it and would have struggled as an adult to articulate what they were doing, let alone expecting a 7yo to.

I get people wanting to know for safety reasons (and a lot depends on supervision) but I think the more helpful thing for the OP to understand is whether anyone is telling the DD that it's a secret. There's good stuff online about how to talk to your child about people who ask them to keep secrets, especially adults (vs suprises).

Original poster

Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:06

I think it might be because they play fighting/gun type games and I’ve said i’m not keen

OP posts:

LoopyLou94 · 25/05/2025 20:02

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy with this, if everything was OK she would feel fine to chat about it

BeansCounter · 25/05/2025 20:01

Why do you want to know? Do you have concerns?

iwanttobeapandamum · 25/05/2025 20:01

Who is at the house where she plays.

Original poster

Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:01

‘Plays’

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