Are you a ‘disney’ mum?

YANBU
we try, but most days it’s a bit of a dogs breakfast than a showboat.

(1) aged 18 and 16

(2) I remember that I don't want people to shout at me. I remember that we have a choice how to behave. eg I don't shout at my boss when I'm frustrated with her. I don't shout at my sister when she irritates me. So, I use the same self control to choose not to shout at my children. And it is a choice

(3) they are well behaved and thriving

My SİL is a Disney mum on Instagram (and whenever her own relatives come round - suddenly the crafts come out and the smiles turn on) but I’ve been there when the photos are taken and that’s one minute of her life, then she reverts to the irritated, exasperated passive aggressive perfectionist she is. She loves her kids very much and is actually a great mum but very much feels the need to portray her life on social media as homemade sparkles all the way. Disney mums don’t exist but their lives are carefully curated on social media to make us think they do.

Me too. I did all the right things: home cooked almost every meal, regular park trips, educational visits, crafting, and DC always perfectly turned out.

In reality, I had fled a domestic abuse situation, was living off my savings and suffered crippling stress for a chunk of that time. I never bought new clothes for myself and cut back on my own meals. If I had posted my life on social media, you would have said 'classic Disney mum' but I found it so hard 🤷‍♀️

Wealthy upper-class mums who homeschool their children probably live like this.
I am not one of them

My kids were raised mostly pre social media so a bit different. But I’m sure I presented as a Disney mum in some respects. I always cooked from scratch, baked bread, took them to museums and tried new activities like rock climbing or paint balling. I always made the biggest contribution to bake sales and we often win competitions like Easter egg dioramas and bonnets. I imported baby bottles and dummies from America as soon as I heard about BPAs s as an endocrine disrupter and I felt guilty as I couldn’t breast feed. Only used HIPP organic and got milk from the milkman and only bought organic eggs. we watched documentaries together instead of having CBeebies on all the time.

but

i swear like a trooper, grew up on a council estate, drink too much and still live in a council house. I failed all of my GCSEs but still managed to go on and get 2 degrees and a random collection of other qualifications . I’ve never actively portrayed myself as mum of the month never mind mum of the decade but I’m sure some people must have thought I was a bit of an affected twat.

I will admit to my life having been somewhat like that 🤦🏼‍♀️ My DDs are teenagers now so much more independent but I was a SAHM since DD2 was born & I also Home Educate so there were a lot of activities that were also educational. Baking, art, woodland meet ups etc. For the record there’s very little evidence of it on social media 😂

defo no Disney mum here but I do some of those things. I am mostly a mess, exhausted run off my feet and whilst I don’t shout at them, some days are so hard I cry in the shower! If I am lucky to have one without one of the kids or the dog harassing me at the door!

All my child's meals are homemade. DH is a former chef and loves to cook. He lives to feed people so we are often sharing food with others.

DS doesn't watch TV during the day as I would rather he was playing. At the weekend DH likes to game and DS will often ask to "watch".

DS likes to help DH cook. He's not really old enough to prep veg yet but he can stir and add stuff in.

DS loves to walk. We went to a park today and he was offered a ride on the pedalos and the miniature steam train but he just wants to walk. I could easily have taken him to a meadow and fulfilled your stereotype.

I practice attachment parenting/emotion coaching/general crunchy mum things. I do lazy elimination communication and use cloth nappies. I did the kind of baby led weaning where he ate our meals from the off. I'm doing extended breastfeeding, co sleeping, and he doesn't go to nursery.

But social media is only what someone wants you to see. I do all those things but after a night where DS has woken for milk every hour I'm tired and I shout. DH might love to cook but neither of us love washing up and the pans sit on the side for way too long. We eat at DH's place of study several times a week so half our meals are free and not cooked by us. I'm also a SAHM.

On Friday my 5yo helped me make a pot of soup, including slowly peeling the sweet potato. Afterwards we made banana bread. I have nothing on SM about it though. I do it because it makes my child happy, my older two loved helping in the kitchen when they were younger too. Does that still make me a Disney mum?

to carry on quoting the OP? It seems it's needed.

We can all read the op.

YABU: yes this is how we live
YANBU: we have elements of this but this isn’t our daily life.
If you genuinely live like this and hold down a full time job etc, raising your children, how do you do it? Especially as a single parent! Tips welcome.

But feel free to carry on.

No, OP asked about being perfect

They never mention the children arguing, making a mess, irritating their parents, whining etc.

OP has literally asked people to say if this is normal for them.

Motherhood isn’t a race to the bottom or the top.

sometimes days are brilliant, sometimes they’re soul destroying. Sometimes we use social media as a photo album, sometimes as a place to vent.

I don’t judge anyone, in theory, we’re all just doing our best and our aspirations and ideals are different from each other. We’re all insecure at some point.

FYI I post on social media ‘public’ not because I want to be an influencer (yuck) but because I am a creative and I work in an industry where followers sadly affect sales and future contracts. I have teenagers now, so have found other things to post, but can see how others who have all consuming small people can end up including them in their posts.

As long as they're not telling you how to do things, fair enough. I.E influencers telling you how to pack lunches/dress/diet/parent

I watched my SIL berate her kids and husband for perfect pictures on a family day out. Then she had the cheek you post about a happy loving family day 😂I feel sorry for them everytime I see a family picture posted.

I am not the one projecting.

There is indeed a difference between:
what you up to this weekend? not much, baking and taking the kids for a walk, which is pretty normal,

and a post on a DIsney Mum thread, mums online who portray themselves as the most perfect mothers/families, with someone popping up and telling complete strangers: but that's how I live, look at me all perfect 😂

YANBU OP. I don’t think it’s possible to maintain this day in day out. It’s a snapshot. As anyone with children knows, there are days you feel you are living your best life and days it’s absolute chaos! 😂 Even all within the same day!

As for the constant ‘sharenting’ trend, check out the Ruby Franke documentary. There were scenes where her own children were clearly very uncomfortable with her constant photographing and filming, they asked her to stop. She had a lovely family, but lost all true sense of presence and mindful enjoyment of her own life by offering it up for other’s consumption. The abuse that follows was devastating to watch.

There's a big difference between finding it boring yourself (which of course you are free to do) and saying "poor kids" about what sounds like a perfectly normal day- cooking a meal, going for a walk, having a drink at the pub. I think you're projecting a lot, that whoever posted it was trying to convey that they were being perfect and that justified you being spiteful in return.

Until they end up in a Netflix documentary after it turns out that once the cameras stopped rolling they were the Disney villains, and the clip of them screaming at their 3 yo for making a noise on the 5th take of them serenely stirring the cake batter is unearthed. It's not real op.

I am not sorry. You can't have someone post a show-off "look at me being so perfect" post and complain that not everyone is blown away by their wholesomeness Sunday.

we went for a walk to a local area, smelled the roses
I mean, come on 😂

I am also allowed to find the idea of "baking and going for a walk" incredibly boring.

The lives people portray for self-gratification online are not the lives they are actually leading. I’m surprised that everyone has t worked that out yet. It’s about as authentic as a Megan podcast.

The people who are living like that (and there will be some) aren’t advertising the fact. They don’t need to.

These people are doing it for social media
I doubt their life is all perfect .

You do realise the majority of stuff you see on social media is fake, right? Stop worrying about what other people are doing, or rather pretending to do, and just get on with your own life.

I find it deeply ironic that these people portray themselves as perfect and wholesome when actually they’re constantly on social media – ie not wholesome at all. It’s all fake.

And no my life is nothing like that.