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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be salty… I know IAMBU

32 replies

13MAPARTHELL · 25/05/2025 17:56

This is unreasonable but I cant help it 😂

my cousin lives next door, he has a child the same age as mine, the house is like walking into instagram, always pristine, with a tiny armchair pouf as a toy box, with 3 toys in.

they have alot of money, and rent the same as ours, and we are low wage. They do absolutely nothing with their child, and I mean nothing. They have never taken him anywhere, but my auntie has him every weekend and takes him everywhere, they use it as an excuse to not have to, we invite them everywhere, even my kids birthday parties, or events, they are always a no show, they flake when its child related, and then they post on facebook of them going to a fancy restaurant with their child sat watching the ipad, while we are at the farm, swimming etc.

they sometimes ask if i want to come over, but follow it with only me, not either of my kids, even though their kid is there, and the kids all love eachover when they see eachover in the street.

they work monday-friday full days, and even in half terms and summer, not one holiday day will be taken to do something with their little boy. It breaks my heart that they see him for an hour before bed & then ship him off EVERY weekend.

i cant stress enough, they earn around 150k together, we earn 40k together, and they have told me they do not have any credit etc.

i love their son so much, hes family, it makes me sad that they are not giving him the childhood he deserves with his parents, and they are constantly letting him miss out of stuff because they simply are selfish.

from now on, im going to ask to take him with our boys, im not sure what they will say but i feel a real connection to him as I grew up exactly the same way, and it resulted in basically no childhood at all.

am i out of line for offering to take him?

OP posts:
TwinklyRoseTurtle · 25/05/2025 18:27

i don’t know why you keep mentioning their finances so much for?

BookArt55 · 25/05/2025 18:26

@SafeToUse I agree with this!
You might also end up with the aunty bring upset if you offer every weekend.
But I think your suggestion is kind, thoughtful and loving which is what this child needs. Poor kid, so glad the kids all live each other and this bit has a lovely extended family.

LateForMyOwnFuneral · 25/05/2025 18:25

Sorry - you can offer but only if you are offering with no hope of reciprocation.

They have made it clear they do not want or need playdates/family time with your child.

If you do offer, you may end up saltier and resentful. One, they may decline. More rejection for you. Two, they may take but you feel used, especially if they neither do something similar, pay for expenses or show any gratitude.

If your second cousin is with his grandma all the time, he will probably have an amazing relationship with her. That your aunt does that for him should not annoy you (unless your own mum is hands-off).

Ultimately though, their kid, their rules.

LateForMyOwnFuneral · 25/05/2025 18:18

You can offer, of course

Koazy · 25/05/2025 18:16

Take him with you, that’s very kind

eldermillenialmum · 25/05/2025 18:15

OP YANBU to include him with your family

SafeToUse · 25/05/2025 18:13

No you're not out of line OP you're very kind.

I have experience of something similar though and I'd say, if you start doing this you will go from doing something nice to, "what time are you collecting him at? Why are you late? Why didn't you feed him? What do you mean you can't have him this weekend, why can't you take him with you to your friends wedding in Italy?" very fast!

No good deed goes unpunished.

So think carefully, and decide if you are happy to have your nephew as a part of your family for every occasion. How will your own DC react? They might not want to have to share you with him every weekend.

If I were you I'd make it a thing to take him on eg the first weekend of every month. You do need to have your own family down time.

Good luck, that poor little boy. Some people don't deserve to have children.

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