Page 8 | Are older people obsessed with commenting on other peoples weight?

ByZanyRubyOrca · 2025-05-25T16:37:26+00:00

I’m a nurse and have previously worked in older peoples care, so usually around 60+ and find they (mainly women) are obsessed with commenting on other people’s appearances such as how they look, if they are attractive/not attractive but mainly weight comments. Examples of real life comments “Isn’t Kirsty putting on the weight? Laura has lost too much weight and looks gaunt. Charlotte needs to wear more make up if she wants to find herself a man. John is getting too big, how can he even walk? I also noticed when I was around 14, my nana would also make comments on everyone’s weight, even her grandchildren (girls and boys) so she would have been around mid 50s then so not old at all. Comments would be made to add context I suppose, but then she would just make comments without it being relevant to what she was talking about. When I was 20, I visited my then boyfriend’s nana for the first time and she made comments to him about my weight, right infront of me, as if I wasn’t there. Saying how I was fatter than his sisters 😂 I wasn’t fatter than his sisters at all, in fact I was several stone lighter ( was a size 8 at the time) but even if I was heavier why even mention that or bring it up? She then offered me several of her size 20 jumpers, as she thought they might fit me as they were too big for her, despite her being a size 20. Nothing wrong with being a size 20 at all it’s more that she’s saying they were too big for her and I would fit in them, despite me being a size 8 and there’s clearly a obvious difference in size. Has anyone else experienced this? I work with people in their 20s and people older than me and have noticed they don’t really talk about weight or make comments on appearance.

NattyTurtle59 · 25/05/2025 22:05

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 18:06

Well I’m not embarrassed. I don’t think it’s ignorant at all asking a question. What I do find ignorant is someone who can’t understand someone else might have a different opinion or experience to them. But carry on with your day and scroll on 😁

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Well I think it's ignorant to ask such a ridiculous question, and you should be embarrassed. Have you seriously never heard anyone under the age of 60 comment on someone's weight?

bythere · 25/05/2025 22:00

It's very rude, it's like saying "You never smile" or "Why don't you smile?"

It's not really much different.

ForPearlViper · 25/05/2025 21:51

BethDuttonYeHaw · 25/05/2025 17:49

Yes it’s absolute rule that everyone over the age of 60 comments on other people’s weight.

because of course all people over the age of 60 are the same and have the same characteristics, beliefs and personality traits.

🤦‍♀️

or your thread might be ageist shite

Edited

Can confirm. Hit 60 and an obsession with strangers' weight hit me like a thunderbolt. Yeah.

A plea to posters. If you are going to use the words "older people" in your post mentally swap the word "older" for "black" or "Jewish" or "gay". If your post then becomes deeply offensive DON'T POST because you are being deeply offensive.

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 21:47

Hotflushesandchilblains · 25/05/2025 21:00

So first you are taking experiences from a few people and trying to hang them on an entire age group. Then you are getting snippy at what you would class as 'older' people who are picking you up. Perhaps you just know/have met a lot of arseholes and it has nothing to do with age. I highly doubt that no one you meet in your age group has ever commented on someone elses weight. Its concerning that someone in a healthcare role could make such lazy assumptions. And 50 is not old. Older than you, sure, but not old. You will be there yourself one day hopefully and will look back and cringe on these kind of statements.

Did you read the thread? Because it’s quite clear that you haven’t. I asked people if they had the same experiences as me, some people will and others won’t. Not getting snippy, simply stating I used the term older people, I never give an exact age of what is deemed an older person. I said I worked previously with patients that were 60+. Again never said 60 year olds were old.

Also never said “50 is old” so no idea why you have mentioned that and where you got 50 from. But I stand by what I said and what I asked. I don’t find it cringey at all. I do find it cringey that you can’t understand that this is my opinion, people are going to disagree. If you don’t understand that then maybe a public forum isn’t for you?

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Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 21:37

Ramblethroughthebrambles · 25/05/2025 20:46

If you had asked a thoughtful question about whether there are generational differences in how acceptable it is to comment on someone's weight and awareness of eating disorders, I would have said yes. But you chose to frame a goady question that lumped 'older' people together as some homogeneous mass that has 'obsessions', rather than choosing to pose a question about a group of thinking, intelligent people from across at least two generations that may have been influenced by different social norms. Of course your experience of being put out by comments on weight made by some older people may be valid. That's not what some posters are objecting to! Can't you see anything wrong with the way you have used this experience to post an offensive question that completely ignores that there is as much variation across older people as younger people? The fact that you are a nurse who works with older people is alarming. Have you ever got to know any of them as people?

I previously worked with older people, I suggest you read the thread properly before commenting fake facts. I also stand by the fact I can have an opinion and also do my job professionally at the same time. The two aren’t connected. I see absolutely nothing wrong with the question I asked, the majority of the people voting also agree with me. So yes, our experiences are not isolated incidences and are indeed valid. If you find the post offensive then that’s your opinion it really doesn’t affect my life or change my view in any way. I said what I said and stand by it.

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saraclara · 25/05/2025 21:35

I'm clearly doing 'being old', wrong. I have never, ever mentioned anyone's weight or size to them. I think I might have mentioned my worries about someone's sudden weight loss, to a mutual friend (I was worried that she was ill) but I think that's the nearest I've got to correctly being off 1955 vintage.

Lazygardener · 25/05/2025 21:28

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 20:31

Did you have any comments about your weight or appearance at your age now or when you were younger?

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The only comments I remember were from young men commenting on the size of my bust!!! Walking past workmen was like running the gauntlet. Getting older is not all bad, as I am, like all women my age, invisible 😂

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 21:26

TY78910 · 25/05/2025 20:46

I always find it interesting how on any of these types of threads, when someone is expressing that they wonder something and want people’s input to see different perspectives, they get hit with a thousand ‘isms’ and get told it’s a weird thread.

I think most age groups comment on people’s weight and looks, it’s gossipy. I think your perception is built through spending so much time around the elderly as it’s your job. If it’s full time, that’s more time you spend around that age group than your own so that perception is amplified.

I agree with somewhat of what you said, mainly the first part.

I did state, it was my previous job, I don’t work in older peoples care anymore and still have that opinion and did even before I started there. However, agree that a certain perception can be amplified with time and even more so if you did didn’t realise the trend before.

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Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 21:20

Sometimeswinning · 25/05/2025 20:35

Did you ever consider that weight is more of an issue now than when back in their days? As a nation we are putting on a lot of weight (Im 40's and would comment and do comment)

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Of course I considered that, I said that we are in an obesity crisis, you see in all the time on the wards, and childhood obesity is becoming an epidemic. However, I never said specifically that the comments were only about being fat. I said in the post “comments about weight” so weight in general. You can fat shame and skinny shame.

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Beefstew · 25/05/2025 21:20

I agree in a way with OP
I work in residential elder care, and it is my experience that
Every single day I get at least one comment from a resident about my size ( how big I am but so full of energy is the usual jist of it), there will also be comments also about my hair, my clothes or how tired I look. equally they will comments about my personality , my lovely eyes or other compliments All these comments are from most of the 14 females I work with, not one of the 12 men on my unit has ever commented to me. These women are generally over the age of 80 years, nobody male or female , in their 60s or 70s would ever comment about anyone else's appearance. In fact this age cohort ,in general, will exert themselves to describe someone without reference to size , age, or race

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 21:10

RampantIvy · 25/05/2025 20:01

I have never been overweight. The comments I got as a teenager were along the lines of "ooh, aren't you skinny" from people my own age.

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Well there you go then. You’ve never had that experience which is fine. Many people have though. Both experienced are valid.

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LordEmsworth · 25/05/2025 21:08

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 20:55

I think you need to the read the title again 😂

Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight? < This was my literally title of the thread. So you are wrong, it literally wasn’t the title of my thread 🤗

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Eh?

Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight? is the title.

You're now saying that you didn't mean... Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight. 😶

That would be a spectacular reverse ferret, if it made any sense at all.

The title of your thread is, literally, that you think all older people are obsessed with commenting on other people's weight. But now you're getting aggy and saying that you don't think that. Perhaps you could clarify what you do think?

Macwoodfleet · 25/05/2025 21:07

My mum is 86, and all my life she's made comments about people. I grew up thinking it was normal and I had to work on myself to stop it once I realised that it's inappropriate. So I'm wondering if it's not an old age thing but rather a generational thing, and learned behaviour. In my mother's mind being overweight, or having a sweet tooth, are definitely character flaws. She's actually quite nice a lot of the time, just not when she's pointing out other people's perceived failings. She does seem to struggle with keeping her thoughts to herself. I've shushed her on occasion, but it backfires as she says it again only more loudly 😳

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 21:07

AgnesX · 25/05/2025 20:01

Guess you don't get out much. I think of my aging families who have got more manners than to say anything about anyone's weight.

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Why would you guess I don’t get out much? Because that comment doesn’t make any sense. If you make a comment then at least back it up with evidence. Because that is a clear way to lose an argument when you’re trying to state opinion over facts 😂

Like what are your reasons? I work (so yes, I leave the house) previously with older people, which is relevant to the post. I also mentioned two experiences that I had from when I was younger, so again I ask why do you guess I don’t get out much? Let me guess, are you 60 + and one of the sensitive ones I offended? Then you should probably get out much, if you think that is offensive.

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Hotflushesandchilblains · 25/05/2025 21:00

So first you are taking experiences from a few people and trying to hang them on an entire age group. Then you are getting snippy at what you would class as 'older' people who are picking you up. Perhaps you just know/have met a lot of arseholes and it has nothing to do with age. I highly doubt that no one you meet in your age group has ever commented on someone elses weight. Its concerning that someone in a healthcare role could make such lazy assumptions. And 50 is not old. Older than you, sure, but not old. You will be there yourself one day hopefully and will look back and cringe on these kind of statements.

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 20:55

LordEmsworth · 25/05/2025 19:57

It's literally the title of your thread 😂 i really don't think you can reasonably say that you didn’t state that all "older" (60+!!!) people are obsessed when it is what you chose as the title of your post!

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I think you need to the read the title again 😂

Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight? < This was my literally title of the thread. So you are wrong, it literally wasn’t the title of my thread 🤗

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confusedaboutetiquette · 25/05/2025 20:55

@Ramblethroughthebramblesvery thoughtful analysis.
I’d add that by the sounds of it some of those older people will have had a hard time sticking to societal norms of having a slim figure. Cigarettes,
amphetamines, starvation diets of varying kinds - all these would have made lives a thorough misery. So if older people are so awful, how about some sympathy too for them having g lived through those times? Especially since you’re a nurse caring for those people, OP

Ramblethroughthebrambles · 25/05/2025 20:46

If you had asked a thoughtful question about whether there are generational differences in how acceptable it is to comment on someone's weight and awareness of eating disorders, I would have said yes. But you chose to frame a goady question that lumped 'older' people together as some homogeneous mass that has 'obsessions', rather than choosing to pose a question about a group of thinking, intelligent people from across at least two generations that may have been influenced by different social norms. Of course your experience of being put out by comments on weight made by some older people may be valid. That's not what some posters are objecting to! Can't you see anything wrong with the way you have used this experience to post an offensive question that completely ignores that there is as much variation across older people as younger people? The fact that you are a nurse who works with older people is alarming. Have you ever got to know any of them as people?

TY78910 · 25/05/2025 20:46

I always find it interesting how on any of these types of threads, when someone is expressing that they wonder something and want people’s input to see different perspectives, they get hit with a thousand ‘isms’ and get told it’s a weird thread.

I think most age groups comment on people’s weight and looks, it’s gossipy. I think your perception is built through spending so much time around the elderly as it’s your job. If it’s full time, that’s more time you spend around that age group than your own so that perception is amplified.

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 20:43

CoubousAndTourmalet · 25/05/2025 18:59

If you'd said people of 75 or 80 then I might have agreed, up to a point. I think that some (by no means all) women of that age, do lose their inhibitions. And yes, they grew up in a different time when there was still rationing. I have had women of that age comment on my weight, my skin, my hair or what I'm wearing. It's a sort of Miriam Margolyes thing that they do. A put down but they say it as if its friendly.

But the thing is, I'm 61. And I would never dream of commenting on anyone's appearance. So I'm not all that happy about being called old or spoken about as if I was affected by rationing (which actually ended 10 years before I was born). And really, you can't pass judgement on older people being rude about your weight, when you are being equally rude about their age. How is being sizeist any more offensive than being ageist? Two wrongs don't make a right.

I never said 60 was old. I mentioned 60 to state this is the age range of patients we get on the ward. Don’t think I’m being rude asking a question asking if older people are obsessed with making comments about other people’s weight. I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked a question referring to someone in my age group, as I know everyone in whatever age range will have a different opinion or lived experience. Also never said ALL older people. The question wasn’t do you make such comments, it asked if other people had the same experience as I did, and many people have commented they have. So question for you, have you had these comments from an older person at this age now or when you were younger?

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MammaTo · 25/05/2025 20:36

My Nan would always comment on peoples weight. She was obsessed with how many inches your waist was and who was on what diet, her siblings were all the same. Most of the women in my family are the same thinking about it, conversation is always steered toward weight loss or slimming world, low cal meal ideas etc.

Sometimeswinning · 25/05/2025 20:35

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 18:03

But this is MY experience of this, hence why I asked if anyone else has experienced this, so would hardly say ageist shite. You might not have experienced it, which is fine. But scroll on if you don’t like the thread love.

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Did you ever consider that weight is more of an issue now than when back in their days? As a nation we are putting on a lot of weight (Im 40's and would comment and do comment)

GildedRage · 25/05/2025 20:32

I believe commenting on others appearance/life circumstances was a typical communication pattern (and maybe still is). This is how my mom born in 1930’s spoke to me and equally how I spoke to my trio. “That dress looks comfortable”, “the darts are in the wrong place”, “those shoes are really ugly”, “I don’t like the color of that sofa” etc.
Yes, there was a strong judgmental undertone. But, I know it as a learning tool, how to dress, how to behave how to stay fit and healthy etc.
Really not much different than Mumsnet.

Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 20:31

Lazygardener · 25/05/2025 18:54

I'm 67 and have never knowingly commented on someone's weight unless they bring the subject up. Some older people presumably do, some don't. It's rather like young people - some of them think that it is imperative to remain in physical contact with their phones 24/7, others don't.

Did you have any comments about your weight or appearance at your age now or when you were younger?

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Original poster

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 20:28

asnever · 25/05/2025 18:51

Maybe it's because all of this body positivity has encouraged younger people to think that being fat is ok. There are so many young fat women wandering about. They dress up like a goth or in Hello Kitty gear and bunches as if that detracts from their obesity. It's their " safe space" . Maybe that's why you @ByZanyRubyOrca don't hear it there?

That’s a good point. Growing up in the 90s being fat was seen to be something you should be ashamed of. Every women’s magazine usually had articles about losing weight, there were films like Bridget Jones and Shallow Hal that openly mocked fat people, then in the 00s we we had magazines that openly hated women’s bodies and the rise of the size 0. Then things slowly started to change, and body positivity became a thing. I can imagine it might have been even worse in my nana’s generation as people were still trying to recover from the war and being fat might have been seen as being greedy.

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