To have refused to make Sunday dinner today, actually

I was self-employed for years. I do understand how it works.

Are you able to have an hour's honest conversation with him and tell him you're overwhelmed and it's too much? You can also put it back on him to suggest ways around it if he wants meals at home on Sundays.

You can also just say no, and see where he goes with that. No is always an option. And you don't need to justify it either.

"No, regular Sunday roasts are not doable for me, I need time off too. Let's think up some alternatives."

As a pp said, Cook frozen meals are good quality. Pricey against home cooked but not against restaurant meals. You can get quality roast dinner shortcuts like roast potatoes, prepped veg, meat in foil trays, at M&S and Waitrose if he wants that kind of meal.

Yes it’s knackering working and raising small children - this cooking & meal planning drama you are both creating is madness. I really don’t understand the obsession with Sunday roasts or meal planning in general beyond the necessary - just drop it and make everybody’s life easier.

Have you got a local laundry? We have one just up the road. You can drop you stuff in and collect it a day or two later all ironed and fresh. I don't need it myself at the moment except for duvets, but like to know it's there.

at weekends, it’s a mad rush for me to try to get laundry done, children’s birthday parties, kids activities, family time etc etc. my husband tends to do garden chores, fixing things and bins.

Fuck that.
You do all the children care during the week. All of it. All the running. All the looking after. All the bedtimes. And then you get to do weekends, too, while he hides in the garden and pretending to 'fix things'? No one has that much to 'fix', especially as you're all out during the days.

Tell him he will now do the laundry, parties, activity running and sorts weekend meals etc while you push the lawn mower around the lawn.

FFS

So you work full time do everything whilst your husband potters some plants and takes the bins out… why are you putting up with this? Raise your standards.

Nobody is going to die without a roast dinner. I stopped doing a Sunday roast when the kids started leaving most of it (or feeding it to the dog, which was worse). We recouped part of our weekends by having buffet Sunday lunch (which could be eaten out in the garden in nice weather, thus saving the need to clean the kitchen/dining room afterwards).

Honestly. When life is frantic, simplify simplify simplify. And tell your DH to shut up whining.

So he doesn't get to see his kids at all during the week? He must really miss them. Let him take them out for at least one of the days.
(Heavy sarcasm in case it's not obvious)

Why on earth have you not noticed the Dine in for £x at every supermarket under the sun? That is what Saturdays ,Sundays are for and Friday night is choppy night. Alternatively I used to book a regular Sunday roast dinner at a local hotel so that we could all eat together and could socialise the children.

Ok, so work out where exactly you need help.
Talk to him….. is his expectation unreasonable……
There are loads of pubs etc That will deliver a Sunday roast if that’s all it’s about.
I suspect it’s more about him not understanding your needs……destress and talk.
what was he like pre kids?

So, other than lawn and bins what exactly is the point of him? It doesn't sound like he enhances your life much.

We are retired b but we still go out for Sunday lunch usually a carvery. Where we live there are two places where you can get a takeaway Sunday roast lunch which makes it much cheaper. With one of the places two adult meals would also have enough to probably feed the kids as well or get a extra portion of veg.

If he asks for dinner what’s stopping you replying

“I don’t know - what are you making ?”

Get a takeaway Sunday dinner, the pubs round here all do them.

Why couldn't your DH have taken the kids out to tennis or whatever if he was so keen that you do your Sunday roast?

Being self employed doesn’t mean you can just say I’ll work 9-3pm, being self employed is actually harder sometimes, you have to put the hours in

I had zero interest in restaurants with small children but I wouldn't hesitate to buy deli food instead.
Rotisserie chickens and pre made salads.
You need to rethink the division before you get sick and resentment turns to loathing!

He’s self employed

So he’s choosing to work the hours he does. He’s choosing not to do his fair share around the house.

Stop doing this selfish lazy mans laundry.

How did the division of labour get to be like this?

We're having sausage pasta. We're going away tomorrow and I CBA to cook a big meal.
We usually have something more special on Sunday but not always a roast.
Tell him to cook it himself if he's that desperate

By not allowing him to cook you are enabling him to cop out of taking care of his family in the way that you do. So what if he makes a mess. My husband tends to make a mess but he thoroughly cleans up after himself. He’s a fully functioning adult thankfully. Let him clean up after himself.

Does it have to be a restaurant though? Make it work for you, where we are there are lots of pub type places that are great for families, you can book a table in specific “family” area so it’s all kids, there’s a little park/softplay.. it doesn’t have to be a posh restaurant.

Or get a takeaway if you’d prefer, lots of places near us also do takeaway roasts!