To have refused to make Sunday dinner today, actually

And I made enough money freelancing to support my family too. It wasn’t ‘pin money’. I wasn’t taking in ironing. I was earning a huge amount of money. So I do absolutely understand the whole freelance way of working.

I do all the cooking in our house OP, and refuse to do roasts. Far, far too much effort. DH doesn’t complain, and is grateful for every meal! He helps in other ways, including clearing up everything from my cooking! Your DH absolutely should not be bothered that you’ve suggested Deliveroo, and tbh he is unreasonable to expect a Sunday roast every week!

My dad used to do a 60 hour week as a minimum when he was self employed. It did pay off and he ended up with a business that thrived. He was eventually able to do more normal hours but still long days. You can't just decide to do a few hours a week if you're self employed.

Christ honestly why on earth do you think it’s your job do the laundry and all the crap

TBF, although not knowing what your DH's line of self employment is, if he can't be available when companies need him there's every chance that they will go elsewhere, so I can see where you're coming from when you say it's not simple.

Not everyone that's self employed gets to choose their working time frame.

I love COOK meals. None of us like a roast but there are some gorgeous meals in this range.

If DH wants a roast dinner he can cook it himself!

Did you have the ingredients for a roast dinner? Or were you expected to buy those too?

If I had the meat in and had planned a roast dinner then I’d probably get DH to do most of the prep while I was out with the kids. Otherwise - pizza from the freezer it is

That’s doesn’t seem to be the case here though according to OP

Then surely you understand he might not be choosing to work those hours but has to work them

https://www.cookfood.net/?srsltid=AfmBOor5ANAj1afYVpQ_o8VyvvffOZzbjYeWtomDKHjpeRbzyfVtGKPK

That’s why you use the timer on the oven. It’s not onerous. Plus, I’ve every other day of the week to go out. No mass produced roast at a restaurant can compare with something made at home.

Wtaf. He can go fuck himself, OP.

You are doing way too much - why is that? My DH and I share cooking and putting DC to bed, duties. We alternate so that on the nights he cooks, I bathe and put DC to bed and vice versa. Some nights if DC's sleepy we'll put them to bed and then DH always bathes/showers them in the morning, I will dress them and he is the one who will drive DC to nursery/school. You need to get your man to take on more jobs around the house. I hope things improve for you. You are definitely not being unreasonable for not making Sunday Roast today!

Op if you're having to go to bed with migraines your body is begging you to slow down! I searched long and hard for cures to migraines and the best advice I ever had was from a neurologist who said honestly, slow the fuck down and come back if they get worse. I did slow down and they didn't get worse! I thought slowing down was just being more organised but it isn't, you need to actually do fuck all. Like take a day of annual leave if needed, do zero chores and sit under a blanket watching MAFS for a good 8 hour stint with loads of nice food ( I did this and it's heaven ). You definitely shouldn't be worrying about making a Sunday roast, absolutely fuck that and your selfish husband.

Your DH is the main problem here.

But, a simple roast dinner is so easy. I don’t understand all this talk of slaving away all day for a roast. It takes very little time really unless you deliberately make it harder by insisting on doing 18 different veg / side dishes.

with the caveat he cleans up (properly) after too.

I don't disagree with you at all (and many other pp who have said the same thing). But exactly how does OP enforce this? She's said that he makes a mess of the kitchen if he does cook - and it doesn't sound like he takes direction well. So if his standards are that the kitchen is a mess after he's cooked, what exactly should OP do? Critique his cleaning and point out everything he's done poorly? Stand over him and tell him he's missed a bit?

Often the advice is to 'have a conversation' and make him x y and z. But these things usually are not simply a result of a little conversation. I suspect OP has already had maaaaaany little conversations about it.

@notto I get it. My DH was/is a workaholic and for the majority of his career self employed. No money problems- far from it and plenty of sub-contracting: cleaning, ironing, gardening, etc. I did everything house and children related and he did not cook and still doesn't.

My advice, FWIW, if you have no money problems - is to stop the elaborate cooking. You don't need to because you can afford the good stuff:

Smoked salmon and prawns with avocados, salad and good bread.

Rib eye steaks, sliced roast spud, bought stuffed mushrooms, salad.

Good quality chicken just bunged in the oven, new potatoes, caesar salad.

Charlie Bighams (what you fancy) taken out of the packaging and arranged in serving bowls.

Finely sliced calves liver, butter and sage, with spinach and dauphinois (bought).

Sea bass, bought roasted veg and bought crispy spud.

I appreciate it's hard but only you know if he's a decent bloke. It was worth it fkr us - 35 years on.

Does he work over the weekend too? Why are you doing all the chores + taking care of two kids 7 days a week when you have a partner? Can excuse the weekdays as you've stated that he leaves before kids are up and back late but weekends? Sounds like weaponised incompetence imo.

So sad you have to say it out loud to him. Sometime ago heard a wonderful phrase - 'if you have to explain, you don't have to explain' meaning if the counterparty is so think they can't figure it out themselves, please don't explain, it is useless. Selfish prick.

It's also veeeeeery easy (and basically unprovable) to stretch out what needs to be done to fill the hours you want not to be filled with domestic shitwork. 'I'll just triple check those figures' etc. SO MANY MEN DO THIS - and not just self-employed ones. I 100% guarantee all those men with Big Jobs are not working at full pelt even 50% of the time they're 'at work'.

It's his responsibility to make sure he does the work in the shortest possible time, just as it's hers to do that for her employer. Then he can do his share at home as well as at work.

my hubby and I grew up with Sunday dinners, and on occasion I still will do one but we def just have any other thing we fancy, particularly if busy then takeaway or pasta it is! Discussion about expectations on your shoulders is def needed!!

I do majority of cooking/housework but my hubby does his bit and always cleans up kitchen as he’s aware I do the cooking.

I feel a little sad that my kids aren’t getting the ‘traditional Sunday dinner’ every week, but we all eat/spend time together which is the main thing and there’s lots of things from my childhood that are no longer relevant in our lives today!!

you def deserve a break OP and a large glass of wine!!

Why do you HAVE to have a roast? I don't get this obsession some people have.

Why would they?

I have never cooked a "Sunday roast", and my DC are now well into their 20s.

Weekends are busy enough, I have never understood the obsession with a hot meal every day. We were usually too busy with activities, or would be having a packed lunch as we were off on some sort of outdoor adventure.

If your DH wants a roast he either takes you all out and pays for it or learns to cook efficiently.