Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable with the bedroom arrangements

63 replies

NeedingAGoodNap · 25/05/2025 12:20

My partners mother is planning an overseas ski trip later this year and has kindly invited myself and my 4 year old daughter to come along. It will be a large group going and I am not feeling entirely comfortable with the room arrangements. The idea is that all the children (ages 1,2,4,5) will share a room.

However, this is where I might be unreasonable, I really don't know some of the adults going and have only meet them once or twice. They are my partners step siblings and their partners. My partner did not grow up with these step siblings so also does not know them very well. Because of this I don't feel comfortable with my daughter being in a seperate bedroom away from me with basically strangers in the house.

Would I be unreasonable to have her share a room with my partner and me instead?

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 25/05/2025 17:31

If you and your partner have your own room, it’s not unreasonable to say you will all share.

PurpleThistle7 · 25/05/2025 17:25

I mostly wouldn’t be interested in this setup as there’s no chance 4 young children would sleep much and I’d rather not deal with a houseful of over tired toddlers.

SnugMintFawn · 25/05/2025 16:40

I don’t really understand people saying OP shouldn’t have DD in bed with their partner… as somebody else said, OP can go in the middle, and as they have said partner is moving in soon and obviously has a relationship with daughter. What’s the issue?
Also how much “adult time” can she be expecting on a family holiday like this anyway 😂

AlorsTimeForWine · 25/05/2025 16:30

There's no world I'd agree to this plan.
If only due the fact no one will get any sleep...

ByZanyRubyOrca · 25/05/2025 16:20

Hell no would I say yes to this. I don’t care if it comes off as rude or not polite, it if is making you feel uncomfortable don’t do it. Weird set up the whole room thing and don’t feel pressured either to go along with it when others might not have a problem with it. You don’t know this people or what they are capable of. I was visiting family in a different county, my great aunty who I had met once but was a baby put my parents in one room and me in her room in a little day bed on the floor. I didn’t feel comfortable at all, it was a new country and I didn’t really know my aunty so I snook out and went into my parents room. I was also angry at my parents for just accepting this arrangement. They knew her and nothing sinister was going on, but it pissed me off they were so passive about it. I was 10, so much older so I probably would feel worse at 4

montessorinanny · 25/05/2025 15:18

pinkyredrose · 25/05/2025 14:45

Like hell would i allow that! I wouldn't go.

Off pisté but what is the point of taking children of those ages skiing?

So they can play in the snow. Being in the mountains with snow is magical for children. I used to holiday nanny for a family when they went skiing. It was the only time they took a nanny as Mum and Dad liked to ski. There was lots to do in the resort for non skiers (which I am) and children. Have your little one in with you. You can always take an inflatable air mattress for the floor if you are worried.

Codlingmoths · 25/05/2025 14:51

If you want to sugar coat it say she’d wake up and come looking for me, she usually does and I don’t want her waking the little ones. (My 3yo wakes up every night about midnight and comes into our bed) . Obv get your dp to agree with the story. I have never had a 1 or 2yo who would sleep in a random room with other kids either. We did have all 5 of us in one room at a friend house and my then 8yo asked why we didn’t always all sleep in the same room, which was adorable although definitely a no thank you!

Mulledjuice · 25/05/2025 14:48

pinkyredrose · 25/05/2025 14:45

Like hell would i allow that! I wouldn't go.

Off pisté but what is the point of taking children of those ages skiing?

Maybe the parents want to ski?

User27563 · 25/05/2025 14:47

Tbh I don't think it's ideal for your child to share a bedroom with your partner that isn't their parent, and definitely not the same bed.

pinkyredrose · 25/05/2025 14:45

Like hell would i allow that! I wouldn't go.

Off pisté but what is the point of taking children of those ages skiing?

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:41

LucyMonth · 25/05/2025 14:36

Sharing a room with you and your new partner…fine. Sharing a bed with you and your partner (who isn’t her parent)…I wouldn’t do that personally. So you’ll need to work out how she’s going to share a room but not a bed with you.

Pull in a mattress from the kids bunk room?

Partner at one side, then OP, then child?

LucyMonth · 25/05/2025 14:36

Sharing a room with you and your new partner…fine. Sharing a bed with you and your partner (who isn’t her parent)…I wouldn’t do that personally. So you’ll need to work out how she’s going to share a room but not a bed with you.

Pull in a mattress from the kids bunk room?

Original poster
NeedingAGoodNap · 25/05/2025 13:27

tinyspiny · 25/05/2025 13:09

Is your partner the father of your daughter as I’m assuming not , in which case will she be comfortable bunking in with you either ?

She knows my partner well and is looking forward to her moving in soon. So thankfully my dd will be comfortable sharing a room with us

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedingAGoodNap · 25/05/2025 13:25

BangersAndGnash · 25/05/2025 13:21

Is your DP your child’s Dad?

Will he agree to sharing a room with a 4 yo all week rather than ‘adult time’ on hol?

No, it's not my daughters dad. DP will just have to deal with no "adult time". Surely she can survive a week without it! I think being in the same chalet with her family will be a mood killer anyway!

OP posts:
BangersAndGnash · 25/05/2025 13:21

Is your DP your child’s Dad?

Will he agree to sharing a room with a 4 yo all week rather than ‘adult time’ on hol?

PicaK · 25/05/2025 13:19

Don't mention that you don't trust the other adults. Do mention that she'll sleep with you. Pack a new blow up bed and a pump in your case tho - don't expect them to move beds or find a chalet with a double and a single in one. room

ChidisGardener · 25/05/2025 13:12

Agree with everyone - you don't need to explain it. Just say you think DD will want to stay with you but you can play it by ear once you see the actual arrangements.

Neither of mine would have wanted to share a room with kids they don't know.

tinyspiny · 25/05/2025 13:09

Is your partner the father of your daughter as I’m assuming not , in which case will she be comfortable bunking in with you either ?

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 13:06

'Just to let you know, DD will just bunk in with us on the trip - it's what we all feel happier with, and it won't negatively affect anyone else's plans'.

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 12:52

Why can’t she just sleep with you? Or is the idea that you’re also sharing with someone?

SnugMintFawn · 25/05/2025 12:51

Not unreasonable at all - there is no way my 4yo would be able to sleep in this situation! Just say she’ll go in with you, it shouldn’t be a big deal and if anyone makes it a big deal, that’s a reflection on them!

McSpoot · 25/05/2025 12:50

As long as you aren’t asking to change other rooms (i.e. you moving into a bigger room), then I wouldn’t think twice about saying that she’ll just sleep with you.

Edenmum2 · 25/05/2025 12:48

Your daughter can share a room with whoever YOU choose

LittleBearPad · 25/05/2025 12:48

Levithecat · 25/05/2025 12:46

I’d also have my DC with me, but I wouldn’t make a deal of it now - I’d just wait til I got there and say we’ve decided we’d prefer to share.

This ^

If she later did want to share with them I’d also let her.

Levithecat · 25/05/2025 12:47

Livpool · 25/05/2025 12:44

I did this growing up - with close family (cousins) I saw a few times a year. We were all about ages 7-10.

I agree with you OP - not with strangers and the children are far too young. How will a 5 year old deal with a 1 year old?! They are mad for suggesting this

Agree - it’s one of those nice but not well thought through ideas - I doubt any of the kids will last the whole time in a room together