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Original poster

Woman yelled at me in public toilets

315 replies

empee47 · 25/05/2025 07:58

Went to Tesco yesterday and visited the loo. Washed my hands and turned on the hand dryer and another lady started yelling at me that I was upsetting her daughter because of the noise. Daughter looked to be about 3 and was visibly distressed. Had they asked me not to use the dryer until they’d left the sink area and explained why, I wouldn’t have done. Apparently I can’t possibly be a mum myself as everyone knows kids are scared of the noise. Happens that I have 2 kids myself and the noise has never bothered them. It was the aggressive way she was bellowing at me in public that annoyed me and the sense of entitlement that everything had to run her way.

OP posts:
Bidedtime · 25/05/2025 14:33

I wouldn’t like an 8 year old boy in my gym changing rooms

but I have no issue in toilets. I go in to a cubicle, lock door, do what I need to do, exit cubicle. All he would see is me washing my hands and drying

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:32

Poppyyoutwat · 25/05/2025 14:27

I doubt there are many mothers who would let a 7/8 year old child into a men’s loo on their own, or leave them to fend for themselves outside a women’s space. It’s no it about needing help with toileting, it’s about supervision and keeping them safe.

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Use the unisex facilities then.
I do think in some cases it is about needing support.

Ponoka7 · 25/05/2025 14:32

I always ask before using the hand dryer. Lots of children don't like the noise. Growing up, we didn't have the hand dryers of today, nor did my youngest (27). They are a new thing, at the level they are at. It isn't difficult to check.

Poppyyoutwat · 25/05/2025 14:27

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:15

In a space designed for males if he's able, and in a unisex space if he needs help from a female. Boys over 7 or 8 shouldn't be in women's spaces.

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I doubt there are many mothers who would let a 7/8 year old child into a men’s loo on their own, or leave them to fend for themselves outside a women’s space. It’s no it about needing help with toileting, it’s about supervision and keeping them safe.

florizel13 · 25/05/2025 14:26

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 25/05/2025 08:01

Yeah, she was being ridiculous. My own kids were frightened of hand dryers when they were small but it was my responsibly to warn them that the hand dryer would be noisy and advise that they covered their ears.

Exactly! Kid is going to have to get used to loud noises as that’s part of life! The hand dryers are there to be used!

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:24

Flashahah · 25/05/2025 14:19

Again, it’s not probably ok, it’s absolutely fine, you’d do not bake up arbitrary rules.

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I'd stick with probably because I have sadly seen questionable behaviour from boys that age in women's spaces, though I appreciate that likely doesn't apply to you.

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:22

ohyesido · 25/05/2025 14:19

Nor is self righteousness

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Agreed.

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:22

Flashahah · 25/05/2025 14:20

He’s is 5, stop being ridiculous. The PP doesn’t need your approval.

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Did you miss the part where I said it's not really an issue now but will be when he's older? 🫣

Flashahah · 25/05/2025 14:20

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:15

In a space designed for males if he's able, and in a unisex space if he needs help from a female. Boys over 7 or 8 shouldn't be in women's spaces.

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He’s is 5, stop being ridiculous. The PP doesn’t need your approval.

ohyesido · 25/05/2025 14:19

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:17

Ableism isn't clever.

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Nor is self righteousness

Flashahah · 25/05/2025 14:19

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 13:56

As I said, it's probably fine now, but it's irrelevant that you wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 9/10 year old boy in a women's space because he shouldn't be in there!

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Again, it’s not probably ok, it’s absolutely fine, you’d do not bake up arbitrary rules.

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:17

ohyesido · 25/05/2025 14:10

NOTICE ME AND MY AUTISTIC CHILD

Ableism isn't clever.

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:15

Poppyyoutwat · 25/05/2025 13:59

Where should he be then? Seriously. You are at a theme park, or a shopping centre, alone with your 9 year old son. You really need the toilet. You’d be happy to leave him standing outside while you possibly had to queue? You wouldn’t worry?

I am all for women’s spaces, but come on, it’s children we are talking about.

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In a space designed for males if he's able, and in a unisex space if he needs help from a female. Boys over 7 or 8 shouldn't be in women's spaces.

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 14:13

Readytohealnow · 25/05/2025 14:01

Oh come off it she most likely didn’t have misophonia. While this is debilitating it is quite rare. Had it been a 15 year old I might have agreed with you but given the context it was probably a case of don’t liiiiiiiiiiiikeeeeee ittttttt waaaaaaaaah (Lord give me strength)

Edited
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We don't know either way. The point is that some things cannot be 'knocked out' of people.

Bidedtime · 25/05/2025 14:12

I’d have thought this Op would be one to engage with her thread, given seems very fired up in her Op

i was wrong!

ohyesido · 25/05/2025 14:10

NOTICE ME AND MY AUTISTIC CHILD

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 25/05/2025 14:02

JudgeJ · 25/05/2025 12:59

Some definitely are but they need to learn to accept it as a part of life, not pandered to.

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My son is 5.5 and used to be absolutely terrified of them, the first time he heard one I was genuinely a bit shaken at his reaction. He still hates them (he's autistic as it turns out!) but now he's older he knows and will wear ear defenders in public toilets. I'd never expect anyone to "just know" or not use the dryer though.

Readytohealnow · 25/05/2025 14:01

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 13:57

You can't knock misphonia out of people. 🫣

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Oh come off it she most likely didn’t have misophonia. While this is debilitating it is quite rare. Had it been a 15 year old I might have agreed with you but given the context it was probably a case of don’t liiiiiiiiiiiikeeeeee ittttttt waaaaaaaaah (Lord give me strength)

Poppyyoutwat · 25/05/2025 13:59

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 13:56

As I said, it's probably fine now, but it's irrelevant that you wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 9/10 year old boy in a women's space because he shouldn't be in there!

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Where should he be then? Seriously. You are at a theme park, or a shopping centre, alone with your 9 year old son. You really need the toilet. You’d be happy to leave him standing outside while you possibly had to queue? You wouldn’t worry?

I am all for women’s spaces, but come on, it’s children we are talking about.

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 13:57

Readytohealnow · 25/05/2025 13:51

If anything if she knows the kids doesn’t like them she should expose her to the noise as much as possible to knock this out of her asap. The workd is noisy kiddo. Get over it! The hand dryer won’t kill you and most schools have them so you had better get used to them fast!

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You can't knock misphonia out of people. 🫣

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 13:56

Poppyyoutwat · 25/05/2025 13:53

What do you mean, it’s probably ok? Of course it is, he’s a small child.

What would you do with a five year old boy if you needed the loo, leave him standing outside? Send him into the men’s alone if he needed to go? Or just never leave the house alone with him incase one of you needed the toilet?

People are ridiculous. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a woman taking a 9/10 year old boy into the ladies. I certainly did until my son was that age. I wasn’t about to leave him outside a loo in a busy shopping centre or send him into the men’s on his own.

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As I said, it's probably fine now, but it's irrelevant that you wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 9/10 year old boy in a women's space because he shouldn't be in there!

LoveTKO · 25/05/2025 13:55

She’s a nutter. I wouldn’t have even engaged her, just walk off and laugh.

cherish123 · 25/05/2025 13:55

YANBU
this woman was rude and entitled.

Poppyyoutwat · 25/05/2025 13:53

Koalafan · 25/05/2025 11:45

Right, that's probably ok for now but realistically you'll have to stop taking him into women's spaces in the next few years. Presumably you're aware of that already though. 👍

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What do you mean, it’s probably ok? Of course it is, he’s a small child.

What would you do with a five year old boy if you needed the loo, leave him standing outside? Send him into the men’s alone if he needed to go? Or just never leave the house alone with him incase one of you needed the toilet?

People are ridiculous. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a woman taking a 9/10 year old boy into the ladies. I certainly did until my son was that age. I wasn’t about to leave him outside a loo in a busy shopping centre or send him into the men’s on his own.

Readytohealnow · 25/05/2025 13:51

ohyesido · 25/05/2025 13:34

Surely it’s on the mum not to take her child into a public toilet where something as natural as using hand dryers is going to upset them?

If anything if she knows the kids doesn’t like them she should expose her to the noise as much as possible to knock this out of her asap. The workd is noisy kiddo. Get over it! The hand dryer won’t kill you and most schools have them so you had better get used to them fast!