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AIBU?

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Original poster

Woman yelled at me in public toilets

315 replies

empee47 · 25/05/2025 07:58

Went to Tesco yesterday and visited the loo. Washed my hands and turned on the hand dryer and another lady started yelling at me that I was upsetting her daughter because of the noise. Daughter looked to be about 3 and was visibly distressed. Had they asked me not to use the dryer until they’d left the sink area and explained why, I wouldn’t have done. Apparently I can’t possibly be a mum myself as everyone knows kids are scared of the noise. Happens that I have 2 kids myself and the noise has never bothered them. It was the aggressive way she was bellowing at me in public that annoyed me and the sense of entitlement that everything had to run her way.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 25/05/2025 08:33

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Hello shouty mum 👋

Dracarys1 · 25/05/2025 08:33

My DD is autistic and gets really distressed when the hand dryers are used. If someone used them in her presence she'd be upset and I've have to calm her down. I would never suggest anyone shouldn't use them but this may have been a stressful situation for the mum who might have been anticipating a meltdown. She shouldn't have yelled at you but sometimes you just don't know what's going on in other people's lives. Move on and forget it.

GingerLiberalFeminist · 25/05/2025 08:30

My DD is terrified of hand dryers. She is 2. I tell her every time she needs to get used to them! I don't shout at people for using them fgs!

ThrowawayAccount29 · 25/05/2025 08:30

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👆 👆 This.

Gizlotsmum · 25/05/2025 08:30

My 2 both went through stages of hating he hand dryer noise ( real tears trying to run away) but it was always my issue to deal with not anyone else’s. Some people would stop when they noticed and I would always thank them but mostly it was hand over the kids ears and manage it ( talking to them with a raised voice to be heard, telling them it was ok, just the dryer etc). Always fun if we were in the cubicle and it happened. Thankfully they both grew out of it eventually although one still hated it into their school years

Golidlocksandthethreeswears · 25/05/2025 08:29

YANBU and I say that as a parent of a child who is terrified of them. We mitigate his potential distress ourselves (by using the accessible toilet or ear defenders) because he knows we cannot control the behaviour of others.

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:29

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:27

No

Show quote history

Well you should that many many many an OP starts an AIBU when they very very clearly do not think they were even the slightest bit unreasonable

in any event,,, no one was reasonable or unreasonable in this scenario. Because this woman did not “bellow” at the Op

SVTqueen · 25/05/2025 08:28

Was she shouting over the sound of the hand dryer?

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:27

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:26

New to mumsnet?

Show quote history

No

Chellybelle · 25/05/2025 08:27

You did nothing wrong. I've got kids who are have been scared of hand dryers but I'd never expect strangers to second guess that or adapt their behaviour to my children. She was out of order and totally ridiculous.

IButtleSir · 25/05/2025 08:27

My daughter's afraid of the sound of hand dryers. That is very much my problem to manage, not the problem of random women who are just trying to dry their hands!

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:26

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:26

That fact she’s posting here asking whether she’s being unreasonable

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New to mumsnet?

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:26

The op doesn’t clarify what she said in response to this woman “bellow”ing at her

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:26

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:25

Read the op
was the aggressive way she was bellowing at me in public that annoyed me and the sense of entitlement that everything had to run her way.

where does that indicate the op is unsure?

Show quote history

That fact she’s posting here asking whether she’s being unreasonable

Gettingbysomehow · 25/05/2025 08:26

I speak a second language fluently so in these type of situations I just pretend I can't speak English and blather on in the other language. It works a treat for arseholes. 😂

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:25

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:24

I don’t, I think most decent people would be quite shaken up by unwittingly upsetting a child and then being shouted at by their parent.

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Read the op
was the aggressive way she was bellowing at me in public that annoyed me and the sense of entitlement that everything had to run her way.

where does that indicate the op is unsure?

AutumnLover1989 · 25/05/2025 08:25

And her yelling at you wouldn't distress her daughter? She's unhinged. Don't give her any more thought 👍

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:24

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:22

The Op has bigger issues than this if she’s unsure whether unreasonable to use a hand dryer in a public toilet

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I don’t, I think most decent people would be quite shaken up by unwittingly upsetting a child and then being shouted at by their parent.

Timpot · 25/05/2025 08:24

Most toddlers dislike hand dryers. They get used to the noise by exposure, and a bit of validation and reassurance "yes it is very noisy, but it can't hurt you. Do you think it's as loud as a lion? How loud can you roar?" Etc

She possibly has a mindset that children must not be exposed to anything that they find scary or unpleasant however safe that thing might be. Sadly this then leads to kids whose anxiety and distress gets worse.

She was definitely wrong to tell at you.

leli · 25/05/2025 08:24

Funkeh · 25/05/2025 07:59

I mean I wouldn’t use hand dryer because they’re woefully unhygienic but yeah the noise is also horrific
maybe just take your own tissues next time

What an idiotic comment.

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:23

Just seen that this lady did more than shout at you Op, she actually bellowed

ok

rainbowstardrops · 25/05/2025 08:23

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Oh, were you there too?

Longenough98 · 25/05/2025 08:22

ShillyShallySherbet · 25/05/2025 08:21

I think the OP is just looking for reassurance that they were entitled to use the hand dryer in a public toilet and shouldn’t be expected to know that a child next to them is afraid of hand dryers.

Edited
Show quote history

The Op has bigger issues than this if she’s unsure whether unreasonable to use a hand dryer in a public toilet

Helpmeplease2025 · 25/05/2025 08:21

Communitywebbing · 25/05/2025 08:14

Maybe this woman was at the end of her tether for some other reason. Her poor DC must have been scared by her.

Still no justification for her behaviour.

JeremiahBullfrog · 25/05/2025 08:21

No wonder the child is scared of the noise if it causes her mother to start shouting at strangers.