To take separate holidays from now on

I feel like that during, and for about 6 months after every holiday with children.

There are a few years where you are better off based in a good apartment or house with air con, a pool or beach and just chilling having ice creams with the odd pootle trip to a town or somewhere interesting.

This. Which is probably big AI inclusives in Spain and the Canaries are so popular!

Separate holidays with no family holidays was a start and an end to my marriage. After a couple of years of no shared memories I just started to resent it.

When I became a single parent to two we still had holidays but did things like Eurocamp where we had our own chalet but still had things like water parks and entertainment in the evening. I drove over to France so we had the car for day trips. These holidays were nothing like my younger days of travelling the world but I’m proud that I was able to give my kids those holidays and we genuinely loved them.

For me your expectations are wrong and you’re carrying on like nothing has changed. When it obviously not going to plan, instead of looking for holidays that work around children your trying to work out how you can keep your holiday standards which seems to amount to leaving your child at home with your partner. I couldn’t do this. I do have holidays with friends but only if we have a family holiday too.

I wouldn't make an extreme decision on the basis of one bad holiday where it sounds like you were trying to do a bit too much and your husband has been unwell.

By all means go on your own holidays but also go as a family. It may be that for a few years those holidays look a bit different times the ones you are used to, but you can reframe it as doing things you otherwise may never have done e.g. toddlers love somewhere where they can explore nature. Ours were really thrilled to discover little tadpoles/froglets in rivers in the Alps and on dartmoor. Simple seaside holidays where you can catch little boats - the south coast is excellent for this - Dartmouth, Falmouth, Plymouth. Eat ice creams and do some crabbing. As kids get older you can visit incredible museums or go to theme parks like disney/efteling. Centre Parcs and kinder hotels are good. Or if you want to relax book a villa with a pool, so you can have some days out exploring the nearby area and other chilled out days at home . Eat out from a young age and with luck they will be adventurous- toddlers will happily try mussels if you are eating them as the shells are fun!

Having no family holidays whilst your child is young is pretty miserable. You both have to be be prepared to prioritise the needs of the child for these holidays to work. Try a weekend somewhere in the UK. Make it no more than 2-3 hours from where you live. Go on walks, have picnics, explore. Young children love those holidays more than anything else.

Tricky! We now do holidays where DW can go hiking for the day while I entertain DD at a beach / pool etc. I then take the odd long weekend alone with friends.

Its a big change holidaying with kids! And stuff we like such as city breaks have not worked out.

Both of you are unreasonable to think that a holiday with a baby would be anything like a holiday. It’s the same hard stuff you do every day as a parent, only in a different place and often made harder because you don’t have the same equipment and routine as at home. We didn’t take any significant trips other than a week somewhere in the UK when ours were very young as it wasn’t worth the hassle.
I think it would be a terrible shame not to spend any holiday time together for the next few years though. Your husband needs to adjust his expectations - did he really expect life to carry on as before when he decided to have children?!

After a disastrous trip abroad we switched to uk caravan parks with loads to do on site and around the area. It was really relaxing to just chuck stuff in the car and have living space. Now dd is 13 she loves going abroad and really appreciates it. Your sulky dh needs to adjust his expectations and get involved with arrangements. I can see why you're pissed off but don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Family holidays are important for kids especially as they get older but compromise gets more important too as they find their voice and start moving!

Forgive me, but I don't think the people who left their babies to go on holiday are the best judges of whether or not that had any negative impact on their babies, whether that be long-term or short-term. You need to believe it was fine, otherwise you'd be admitting you did something that wasn't in your baby's best interests.

So all the more reason to have family holiday time. Honestly; if you cannot compromise on a holiday which will work as a family, you have much bigger problems than the vacation

I couldn’t go on holiday alone. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself without my family.

We took our son (then 18 months) on a similar trip across Emilia-Romagna but my husband and I were both on the same page in regards to expectations as to when we’d be getting up. We also factored in a few quieter days in our ‘hub’ city of Bologna so that our son could have proper naps instead of buggy naps for a change.

I think being in agreement on how things will work and having a few quieter days/afternoons are key to a successful holiday with kids.

We are a go-go-go family too but have learnt we can enjoy a beach afternoon or two alongside our museums and historical sites. It’s still OUR idea of what a holiday is though (history and good food as a focus)! We haven’t had to force ourselves to stay at AI places or include visits to splash parks etc.

I certainly wouldn’t write off holidays with your child in the future based on this one experience.

Before becoming parents our holidays were very active - think long overnight treks, multi-stop city breaks. Basically I wanted to cram as much as I could into holidays and feel exhilarated and exhausted when we got home.
Fast forward to two children, we went (rather reluctantly) on a Mediterranean all inclusive holiday AND I LOVED IT! Kids get to splash and swim in the pools, play on the beach, all meals are healthy and prepared for you. From one adventurer to another, really do take the time to relax and enjoy being in each others company. Sightseeing will come when children are older. Our next one is coming up and I’ve already got the cases out 😂

You need to look at hotels with childcare built in.

For a young baby there is Sonnewies in the Dolomites, Nielsen and Mark Warner in Greece and Turkey. All are activity holidays.

denying your child family holidays or any holidays at all because it’s tricky / doesn’t fit in with your previous holiday expectations seems wildly selfish and lazy to me personally. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you stop doing it - you keep going, adapt and adjust.

and I say this with three young kids under four who I’ve been in multiple holidays with.

Sounds like he wanted his holiday and hasn’t considered you.
I think separate trips while your child is small is actually a good idea, if you actually want have a ‘holiday’. You can take your child to the seaside or family hotel until she’s old enough to get on trains etc easily b

I think though that work is a necessity and holidaying is not. You might well find that you would struggle to enjoy a holiday when you've left your baby at home. You might want to see her enjoying new experiences.

We tried to conceive her for years, so it’s not been a shock to the system. She’s very much wanted and loved.

Even with much wanted and loved children it can be a shock to realise how much your life changes. It’s not about what you want and prefer, travelling with a child is different, your needs are also different because life is full on and holidays become about spending time together and getting some rest from the daily grind. A city break with a small child is hard work, and not really about seeing all the sights that you did pre-children.

It would be a shame to not have a family holiday - when you spent time together without the pressures of work and home.

Going away with young kids is just same shit, different pot.

We ended up going places on the car, which could be loaded to the ginnels with all the crap we needed. And there was certainly no lie ins until 10am - surely he doesn't get that at home - what's going to be different on holiday?

The child will be fine with one parent gone for a week at that age. Ours was left with GPs for 4 days at that age and was absolutely fine

I think it's a bit unreasonable to holiday alone for the next few years (when you'd both rather be together) just because of one bad experience. He was clearly clueless to think that type of active holiday would be relaxing, especially with a child; and he didn't pick the right destination if siestas irritate him. And I think you were a bit crazy to just go along with him, when you knew it wouldn't work.

Now you both know what doesn't work, you'll plan better next time. It doesn't even have to be a single destination, but driving to new places every day is a bit much. When your child is still a baby, pick a destination that, generally, is child-friendly, has good healthcare should the need arise, and the babycare products you like are readily available in the supermarket. He also needs to recognise that he doesn't get to sleep in every single day, now that you have a baby. He gets 1 day, then the next he gets up at 6am with the baby and you rest (or you all go out together, if you prefer). You just need to talk more about practicalities and realities and expectations of each other.

Your partner has been an arse. He should admit that so you can move on and book holidays that you can enjoy together in future.

I would be brutal with him and say that the only holiday that involves him being able to sleep until 10am every morning is one with a crèche or kids' club. Because it's your holiday too and you're not there in the capacity of paid nanny.

All sounds a bit knee jerk, your partner is tired this trip so let's go our own ways for the next. What was the urgency in needing to book right now, it sounds like you are both still away. It also sounds as if the love of a hectic holiday outstrips the love for spending time just being together. In saying that no I wouldn't be sitting in a room waiting for him to wake up 4 hrs later.

A lot changes in the development of a baby on the next few months and parenting as kids get older can be divisive be careful you aren't moving towards being too independent to each other.

Given that explanation. Your being reasonable. So he wants a relaxing trip but wants you to do the care.....Yeah I would be going out to breakfast myself when bub wakes and he can join you where you are. I would stop waiting on him to get up.

We never did AI until we had ds, we still hire a car get out and see things but AI means there are relaxing days in between, always beach side , we always look for a suite or accommodation where DS has his own bedroom. He's six now and we're off on a city break later this year with him, but we're also in Crete for two weeks over the summer AI, car hire is booked and he enjoys history so we will do spinalonga, Knossos, lassithi plateau, crissi island and lots of other things but if we get up one day and he's tired and wants to play on the beach we have that too, we will go out for dinner but if he wants to eat at the hotel and watch the entertainment one night we have the option.

Our holidays used to be really full on, we travelled across Mexico and South America, we drove across part of Africa, did Vietnam and Cambodia etc but we've had to accept that holidays are no longer a top gear challenge for a while. We do do a city break 3 nights each year without ds, he stays with grandparents and is really good to be in an adult focused holiday together.

Me and DH have family holidays where we all go, separate trips alone, and I often do girls trips just with DD: she's 11 now and much easier to travel with.

Do whatever works for you.

I think you are absolutely right to have a week away solo as hes going to be away at a music festival but don't totally give up on a family holiday in future, it does get easier and you can plan more accordingly.