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Original poster

Hen do angst - feeling excluded

54 replies

baguetteandolives · 24/05/2025 19:14

Would really love a healthy dose of reality/perspective and to be told I’m being silly.

I’m 31 and have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I have a close knit group of friends who are my main support system and socialising.

Last summer I was invited to a uni friend’s wedding but was unable to go - fast forward to her hen do which I saw on Instagram with some of our other friends (who I am closer to) and which I knew nothing about. Felt quite hurt.

My husband’s best friend is getting married this summer. They are a trio of friends and I’ve known his fiance and his other friend’s wife around 5 years and while we’re not super close, get on really well and I really like her. It’s a small wedding (about 50 people) and again have just seen her post it on Instagram, with the other friend’s wife from the trio. I know she socialises with her much more as they live closer together but again I feel rejected and left out.

My brother is getting married soon; I know through the grapevine that his fiance is having a hen do in a month. I’ve not been invited. She doesn’t have sisters so I will be the closest thing, but still no invite. I’m very hurt as I felt we were a lovely mix of friends and family and she even invited me to her hair trial but now feel like it was clearly all in my head.

What is wrong with me that people just don’t want me at these occasions? I got married 6 years ago and didn’t know all but the first person (who came to my hen do) but genuinely think that if I was getting married now that I would invite all of them. It feels like more effort and almost a statement to exclude me than to invite me. I genuinely don’t believe I’ve upset anyone and I get along really well with them all, I’m fun on a night out and chatty and personable and nice but appreciate I’m
not best friends with any of the above so assume that is the reason why but it still feels so hurtful. I perceive hen dos as a celebration of the bride and an opportunity for the women attending a wedding to let down their hair and socialise beforehand so the wedding flows even better.

Can I have some sensible bracing words to make it sting less? I will not be saying anything to any of the brides of course.

OP posts:
Amba1998 · 24/05/2025 19:30

celebration of the bride and an opportunity for the women attending a wedding to let down their hair and socialise beforehand so the wedding flows even better.

A hen do is for the bride to be to celebrate with her nearest and dearest friends and family before her big day. It’s not about inviting “the women” so they can all mingle before hand so the wedding flows better.

I get the first one. I would be hurt by that. The second so so. I invited only some of my husband’s friend’s wives and not others. I am much closer to some and see them much more.

The sister in law thing. Are you actually close? Just because she doesn’t have a sister doens mean you are close by extension. The relationship still needs to be there. I don’t agree with asking sister in laws to be in the bridal party or to hens just out of obligation

Cherrysoup · 24/05/2025 19:26

Have you been refusing invitations to socialise recently? I mean, totally understandable given the age of your dc. Do people think you won’t come out/can’t make it?

Octavia64 · 24/05/2025 19:23

I don’t think this is anything to do with you.

uni friend - if you’ve rsvp’d no to the wedding I wouldn’t invite you on the hen do.

brother’s fiance - do you actually know her? Have you met her? Sister is very, very different to prospective sister in law. Sister you have known all your life. Prospective sister in law you might never have met and I wouldn’t be inviting someone I’d never met on my hen.

User79853257976 · 24/05/2025 19:21

Ok, I can understand why the first one stung. Why couldn’t you go to the wedding? Maybe she was being salty. Also I understand why your closer friends not mentioning it made that feel worse.

The second one doesn’t seem that big a deal, although it’s hard to find out someone doesn’t consider you as close as you do them.

SIL to be - this one I can understand but it depends who she’s inviting. It changes the vibe when you go beyond your main circle of friends. Maybe when you see the pictures her reasoning might become clearer.

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