To cancel DD’s dance comp after what she said to her little brother?

I was waiting for something horrible she had done but no, she just got upset with her brother. Rightfully so. She's 11, ofcourse she will have a fit when her sibling ruins her costume! @Blondra Please let her go, you are being way too hard on her. Is the 8 year old brother the golden child or is it just because he's a boy?

Reading this:

SHe has a dance comp she’s been banging on about for weeks. Spent half my bloody life glueing gems to a crop top she INSISTED she had to have

I feel so sorry for your DD.

How do you expect her to react? He has spilled a drink over something she needs tomorrow, you knew how important it was to her, and had spent lots of time on it yourself, for him to ruin it? Can it be salvaged?
It would be odd if she just shrugged like it didn’t matter to her.
Address the way he spoke to her brother for sure, and make her apologise, but he also needs to apologise for ruining her outfit.

Yeah you've gone to far

I think you need to think about your relationship with your daughter . It sounds as if you don't like her very much and she will pick up on that - also that you favour her brother no matter what happens.

YABVVU.
I can only agree with other posters. Please, please do not cancel this competition. It is obviously very important to your poor DD.

Agree with this completely, you’re being so unreasonable op! As several others have said, you’ve made yourself look silly here, losing your rag and saying something stupid in the heat of the moment… in punishment of a kid who said something stupid in the heat of the moment…

Blimey OP - her special top is ruined and you’re blaming her for being cross (in a tame way IMO).

The way you’ve written about her ‘banging on’ about her comp, and moaning about you having to help with her costume is also properly horrible too.

Jeez - doesn’t sound like you like her very much. and yes - cancelling her attendance at the dance competition would be shit parenting on your part.

DO NOT cancel it. The competition matters a lot more than a comment she made in a moment of anger. (I was expecting a far worse comment.) She would resent both you and him for a very long time; and possibly remember this incident for the rest of her life; and it would cement her belief that he ruins everything. In her mind, he would have caused the cancellation by spilling his drink on her outfit, and to her, he would indeed have well and truly ruined everything.

Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you have never said something shocking in response to a catastrophe?

The original incident was not her fault. I’m still remembering times I was punished for my retaliation at something my brother did.

Spilling juice over a competition outfit would infuriate most reasonable people. The fact that she didn’t whack him over the head with the juice carton shows she has admirable self restraint.

It is completely unfair to ban her from the competition.She will really hate him if you don’t let her go.

I can't believe you need to ask if you've gone too far and if you're unreasonable for saying she can't go to the competition.

It's beyond clear your son is the golden child who can do no wrong. He's 8 years old not 3, I'd have my suspicion he did it on purpose to be honest.

Your poor daughter.

If I cancelled things every time my kids tried to murder each other we would never go anywhere! Yes you overreacted. Go and have a chat with her. Get her to apologise and you apologise too.

Was going to say this. He's "little one" despite there only being max 3 years, possibly less between them.

Says "Bless him" when he's crying but dd is described as "full meltdown" and "sulking" when she's crying!

She (a young child) is expected to be understanding towards her brother because he "isn't easy" but the moment she "isn't easy" you (a grown adult) can't extend the same courtesy to her?

No punishment for him for damaging her possessions but completely ott punishment for her for shouting at him. I have siblings, no "freak" isn't nice but it's in no way the worst thing we said to each other when we were younger.

Shouting at someone who has damaged something of yours isn't ideal (and you should have got her to calm down and then both apologise to each other) but it isn't a disproportionate reaction particularly if there's a history of him doing similar stuff as you suggest with the comment of him not being easy - cancelling something she's worked hard for add is looking forward to (and is good for her -activity and exercise for girls is a great thing) IS a completely disproportionate reaction to yelling at a sibling.

What do you expect when you threaten to cancel something she cares and worked towards?! Of course a proper fight back! Good on her!

Bad move OP

Disproportionate, not related to the "offence" and probably inconveniences the coach and other performers

Try to focus on actions and consequences

Your daughter will resent her brother even more if you continue nonsensical punitive responses.

Id be angry if somebody ruined my outfit for an important day as well.

We can tell from your post which child is the favourite child.

Of for god sake her brother who isn’t easy and you expect to have to cope with that once didn’t and listen to what she is saying and take stock of how you parent

becuase she is 11 not 18

and let her go to the dance comp

Good grief, be the adult there. She over reacted, but the competition is important to her, as is what she wears. Your DS was clumsy, with the result he spoiled an important piece of clothing. Why on earth is all the punishment on your DD? Stop adding to the drama, let everyone calm down and go to the competition tomorrow. But it sounds like you don't think it's important, if you think your DD is "banging on" about it. Poor girl.

No. You, not your daughter, are overreacting here. You need to apologise to her for that. Yes, she needs to be nicer to her brother, ans apologise for the name calling. But if he is constantly winding her up and breaking things, you need to see things from her point of view.

Oh this can not be for real - please god!

You sound horrid. Would you really cancel something so important to her? Siblings name call, get over it.

How come the top was anywhere near an 8 year old drinking juice near her top? Surely you are either working on it and tell him to move or it is put away in a drawer or her bedroom???

Wait, your "little one" is EIGHT?? I missed that, and assumed he was three or four.

There's a lot more going on here, especially if you said "He's not easy".

I don't think cancelling the comp is helpful at all and will most probably just backfire on you. She's obviously put a lot of work in to this but also can't take her words back now. Asking her to say sorry would probably be more appropriate.

She's been "banging on about it" (as you so lovingly put it) for weeks because she's 11 fucking years of age and is excited. Maybe don't enrol your child in something if it's too much trouble for you.

How often is she having to put up with the golden child your son damaging or ruining her things that she said something like that?